April 11, 2014
Obama: History Travels Forwards, Backwards, And Sideways...
It's more something I would have expected from Biden...
Sideways must be Obama's alternate world where Obamacare is popular.
April 10, 2014
New Zealand Claims Yet Another Celebrity Life
This time, it is The Rock. He fell to his death in New Zealand. RIP.
New Zealand is a very dangerous place for celebrities. Others who have died falling in New Zealand in recent months:
Okay, this guy apparently really fell to his death in New Zealand, but he wasn't a celebrity:
TJR Common Core Math Lesson
The problem: Make a 10 in order to solve for 13 minus 7.
Here's my take: 13 - 7, change the 13 to 10 then subtract 3 and then pull a 4 out of your ass and subtract that. Show your hidden partners on your fingers to an adult. Miraculously, that will result in 13! Then you just have to subtract 3 again, which results in the original 10, and then subtract 4 to get your answer -- 6.
You didn't think it would be as simple as subtracting 7 from 13, did you? Ridiculous!
April 07, 2014
Where's Rusty? Man Sacrifices Penis For Riches
We all know you can't have one with the other...
Man in Malawi lost his penis and three toes to a hyena in the bush after he was dished out instructions which he followed accordingly. [...]
The money crazed man was quoted in the Times of Zambia, saying, "I came from Malawi and when I arrived in Chipata I met some business persons who told me that the best way to become rich was to sacrifice parts of my body." (Source)
February 20, 2014
Because A Cow This Good, You Don't Eat All At Once!
January 29, 2014
Where Are Rusty's Students?
As we all know, Rusty is an academic meathead. Here are the fruits of his labor.
January 24, 2014
North Korea Lands Man On Sun
North Korea is hailing this as one of the greatest human achievements of all time:
North Korea has landed a man on the Sun. 17-year-old Hung Il Gong started his journey at 3am this morning, travelling alone, to reach our nearest star, a journey that took him just 4 hours.
A North Korean central news anchorman said during a live broadcast: "We are very delighted to announce a successful mission to put a man on the sun. North Korea has beaten every other country in the world to the sun. Hung Il Gong is a hero and deserves a hero's welcome when he returns home later this evening".
In case you are wondering how he managed to land on sun without burning to death - well, DUH! - he landed at night!
January 04, 2014
Intercourse = SEX = Rape
All you men out there are nothing but rapists.
Intercourse is the very means through which men oppress us, from which we are not allowed to escape, yet some instances of or PIV [Ed: penis in vagina] and intercourse may be chosen and free? That makes no sense at all.
First, well intercourse is NEVER sex for women. Only men experience rape as sexual and define it as such. Sex for men is the unilateral penetration of their penis into a woman (or anything else replacing and symbolising the female orifice) whether she thinks she wants it or not – which is the definition of rape: that he will to do it anyway and that he uses her and treats her as a receptacle, in all circumstances – it makes no difference to him experiencing it as sexual. That is, at the very least, men use women as useful objects and instruments for penetration, and women are dehumanised by this act.
Right... And telling a woman she doesn't have the mental capacity to know what she wants isn't dehumanizing at all.
December 28, 2013
WHERE'S MY @&^%$# BEER?!
I really think I can identify with this woman. Bring home the beer. Period.
South Carolina authorities say a 44-year-old woman angry at a man for returning home without beer on Christmas beat and stabbed him with a ceramic squirrel.
The Charleston County Sheriff's office says in a report that deputies found a man covered with blood when they arrived at Helen Williams' North Charleston home early Wednesday. She told investigators the man fell and cut himself, but couldn't explain why her hands and clothes were also bloody.
December 09, 2013
Well I Didn't Think Men Hated Shopping That Much!
Eyewitnesses said Hsiao could be heard telling his girlfriend that they already had more bags than they could carry, but she insisted on hitting one more store where there was a sale on shoes.
An eyewitness said: "He told her she already had enough shoes, more shoes that she could wear in a lifetime, and it was pointless buying any more. She started shouting at him, accusing him of being a skinflint, and of spoiling Christmas. It was a really heated argument."
The argument continued until Hsiao threw the bags on the floor and himself over the balcony, dropping seven stories to his death and smashing Christmas decorations on the way down. He was killed on impact. (Source)
November 20, 2013
HHS: Key To Happiness Is For Women To Calm The F%@k Down
This from the Department in charge of Obamacare:
[...]a study of hot marital fights indicates that when the wife calms down, the couples are more happy. Researcher Lian Bloch of the Pacific Graduate School of Psychology in Palo Alto found that in a study she did at the University of California, Berkeley. She looked at data that included recorded arguments by long-time husbands and wives.
"The marriages that were the happiest were the ones in which the wives were able to calm down quickly during marital conflict."
There is no word on whether or not any male participant was brave enough to actually tell an angry woman to calm down.
This Muslim sheik explains the what the study discovered:
November 13, 2013
Someone took away his hammer before he could remove the nail.
(Not Safe For Guys. Women will have a nice laugh though.)
November 06, 2013
Big Mac Attack: Woman Runs Over Boyfriend For Not Stopping At McDonald's
From The Smoking Gun:
Crystal Greer Brooks, 33, Santiago Hernandez, 41, and a second man were traveling in Hernandez's truck early Thursday morning when Brooks got mad because "they didn’t stop at McDonald's," according to a Kingsport Police Department report.
Brooks demanded that Hernandez pull over. When he complied, Brooks replaced him in the driver's seat of the Chevrolet S-10. While Hernandez was standing in front of the truck, Brooks drove into him, knocking the father of her child to the ground. She then "pulled forward and struck him 2 more times with the truck," police charge.
It's time we ban Big Macs so things like this won't happen in the future.
September 22, 2013
On pilgrimage to Johannesburg, South Africa...
From The Independent:
A former women's prison in South Africa which once held Winnie Mandela is now home to a 12m-deep screaming vagina.
Visitors are invited to walk through the artwork, by 30-year-old artist Reshma Chhiba, in a reaction against the former symbol of oppression.
As they do, the scarlet walls ring out with screams and laughter. The "yoni" - the Sanskrit word for vulva, or vagina - is skirted by acrylic wool imitation pubic hair over a tongue-like sponge walkway.
Vanilla Anal Secretions
My question is, who thought it was a good idea to test it in order to find out how it tasted?
"Natural aromas can be extracts from plants, fungi, and in some cases animals. The labelling provisions do not require that the kind of flavour is indicated, with the exception of coffee and quinine," Ulla Beckman Sundh at the agency said.
Vanilla flavour, it has been established, is not only derived from the vanilla bean. It can also come from conifer trees, or indeed from the anal passage of a beaver.
Beckman Sundh however questioned whether the beaver is likely to become a common a source of flavouring for baked goods, sweets, soft drinks and other items.
"As far as I know the beaver is not an animal which is bred, so supply is not that great," she said. (Source)
Nigerian Grad Student Uses Science To Prove Homosexuality Is Wrong
Grad student Chibuihem Amalaha proves gay marriage is unnatural:
"A recent publication on May 3, 2013 shows that France is the 14th country in the world that have legalised gay. I asked myself why should a man be marrying a man and a woman marrying a woman, does it mean that there is no more female for a man to marry or there is no more male for a woman to marry? And recently, Britain told Nigeria to legalise gay marriage of forfeit international aid. I thank God for our lawmakers who refused to sign the bill legalising gay marriage. And so God gave me the wisdom to use science as a scientist to prove gay marriage wrong.
"In the area of physics, I used physics with experiments, I used chemistry with experiments, I used biology with experiments and I used mathematics to prove gay marriage wrong."
Read the results of the experiments HERE.
Next, Amalaha plans to use astronomy to prove Miley Cyrus is actually the love child of Elton John and Lady Gaga.
September 08, 2013
U. S. Postal Stalkers
Now it makes sense.
Everyday there's this U.S. Postal Service vehicle driving down my street. Even when it's raining, or sleeting, or snowing, they drive by. When I'm out shopping or running errands, their trucks are always around.
They are stalking me.
Youtube user Interminably Abused has been chronicling her own stalking by the U.S. Postal Service. She has plenty of video evidence:
Even ComCast is stalking her:
She also has videos of other stalkers, including her landlord, landscapers, carpet cleaners for her building, janitors in office buildings she visits, various people in all different private vehicles on the road, shoppers in stores, Google search results, and advertising signs along the street.
I think Time-Warner cable may also be involved, as I frequently notice their vehicles in my area.
Frightening big brother stuff.
August 09, 2013
Manhattan Judge: Photographer's Right To 'Artistic Freedom' Supersedes Family's Right To Privacy
Peeping Toms can now take pictures women and children through the windows of private homes. As long as the pervert claims artistic expression, his right to invade someone's privacy - and to profit off it - is protected.
A Manhattan judge ruled this week that artistic freedom trumps the rights of parents who don’t want their kids secretly photographed through the windows of their homes. [...]
Matthew and Martha Foster sued Svenson -- who likened himself to a "bird-watcher" -- after realizing that their kids' pictures were being used to promote the exhibit in California and at the Julie Saul Gallery in Manhattan.
Arguing that his behavior "shocks the conscience and is so out of keeping with the standards of morality in the community," the couple asked the court to bar him from showing or selling the images.
They also demanded that he turn over all of the images not being used in the exhibit.
But Rakower ruled Monday that Svenson’s artistic freedom superseded their privacy concerns, and dismissed the case outright. (Source)
August 06, 2013
Woman Trapped In Man's Body Discovers She Was Really Just A Straight Guy
Apparently, after becoming a woman he was unable to make up his mind.
ABC News editor Don Ennis strolled into the newsroom in May wearing a little black dress and an auburn wig and announced he was transgender and splitting from his wife. He wanted to be called Dawn.
But now he says he suffered from a two-day bout of amnesia that has made him realize he wants to live his life again as Don.
"I accused my wife of playing some kind of cruel joke, dressing me up in a wig and bra and making fake ID's with the name 'Dawn' on it. Seriously," Ennis wrote in an e-mail to friends and colleagues Friday, explaining his shock after he woke up from what he called a "transient global amnesia" last month. [...]
"It became obvious this was not the case once I took off the bra -- and discovered two reasons I was wearing one," he said, referring to his hormone-induced breasts.
In typical Freudian male fashion, he then went on to blame his mother for his man-boobs.
August 02, 2013
Mysterious Pentagram In Kazakhstan
A strange pentagram was found in a relatively uninhabited part of majority Muslim Kazakhstan. Here is one view:
Don't see it? Try this angle:
Still can't see it? How about this view:
The coordinates are along the bottom of image, so you can view it yourself on Google Earth.
July 20, 2013
Illinois State Rep: The Chicago Police Are The Ones Killing Black Youth
Her proof? The killers are not being arrested.
Illinois State Representative Monique Davis is blaming the Chicago Police Department for the high number of killings in the Windy City. She is not just blaming the CPD for bad policing, though. She wonders if the police are doing some of the killing. [...]
"There’s some suspicion -- and I don't want to spread this, but I'm just going to tell you what I've been hearing -- they suspect maybe the police are killing some of these kids."
One reason "there's some suspicion," Davis said, is because there have been few arrests for the dozens of murders perpetrated on the streets of the city. Lack of arrests leads Davis to believe police are the actual killers because there are no perpetrators being fingered.
By default, if investigators can't identify a perpetrator, then it must be the police doing the killings. Yeah, that makes sense. To the voters of Chicago's South Side district, WTF is wrong with you?
BTW, if you don't want to spread a ridiculous, unsubstantiated rumor, then maybe you shouldn't, um, SPREAD IT!
July 19, 2013
Bobby Rush On The George Zimmerman Case
I think I need Rachel Jeantel to translate this for me...
(Hat Tip: I Own The World)
June 21, 2013
Vegans have created a website to name and shame vegan apostates. Seriously. Stop laughing!
(Hat Tip: Legal Insurrection)
The spirits of the billions murdered have risen to deliver: The Vegan Sellout List – an online directory of those who have regressed from moral consistency to moral depravity.
It's just a matter of time before they start beheading meat eaters and stoning salad sharers, all in the name of saving lives.
June 11, 2013
Allah Protects Shias From The Disease Of Being "Sodomized In The Anus"
And he protects them from having Smurf babies too!
May 24, 2013
Scary Black Umbrella Causes NJ Transit Shutdown
Someone had reported to police that a man wearing black pants, white dress shirt, with a cast on his arm was "armed with a long barrel assault weapon" had gotten on the train. [...]
Police started scouring surveillance videos and was able to track down the man at the Exchange Place station.
Apparently, they were able to determine that the only "weapon" the man had was the umbrella he planned to use later in the day to fight off rain from hitting him. (Source)
Obama and Democrats are convening to discuss possible new regulations to purchase "assault" umbrellas.
Jim Carrey tweets, "Any1 who would run out and buy a black umbrella has very little left in their body and soul worth keeping dry."
Matt Damon confesses umbrellas "freak me out."
Piers Morgan insists the Constitution does not protect the right to carry an umbrella.
Colorado Democrat Rep. Joe Salazar encourages use of safer cocktail umbrellas.
Joe Biden says its very suspicious that it rains whenever people use umbrellas.
May 22, 2013
The Obama Presidency Summed Up In A Minute
If a picture is worth a thousand words, this video is priceless.
(Hat Tip: IHateTheMedia)
April 18, 2013
Teen Pursues the Coveted Darwin Award
Later in grief counseling, I predict her parents will save themselves the embarrassment and just say their daughter died snorting cocaine or heroin.
April 12, 2013
Woman Robs Bank With Lunch
Afterwards, she ate the evidence.
CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) — It was no bomb -- just two cans of spaghetti sauce. But police in the Detroit area report they're looking for a woman who's charged with using the sauce to steal dough.
According to authorities, Ophelia A. Neal told employees at a bank branch in Macomb County's Clinton Township that she had a bomb in her bag. Authorities say the 430-pound suspect was already on parole and has fraud, assault and marijuana convictions.
She got away with $3,000, which should feed her for a few hours while on the lam.
April 10, 2013
"At over 90 miles per hour, he had his penis out [the window]... he was masturbating... and that's when it got really, really bad. I wouldn't look over any more, and I wrote his tag number down on my hand, which I believe he noticed, and he exited very quickly," Street said.
Either he has a very impressive reach or he was driving in a very awkward position. I'd rather not think about it.
March 22, 2013
Thumbs & Ammo
A new blog called "Thumbs & Ammo" wants to see a thumbs-up replace guns in movies.
Especially ironic for a UK blog is the "Saving Private Ryan" thumbs up. I'm sure the outcome of World War 2 would have been exactly the same had we had the pacifist, anti-gun leadership we have today. /s
Fortunately, it wouldn't affect other weapons such as lightsabers...
Islamic Sermon: Being Gay Is Like Eating Hamburgers
Personally, I would have used a hot dog analogy, but whatever...
My question is, what if you desire hamburgers and shave your beard?
Below the fold, Ricky Gervais explains how eating hamburgers is not like being gay.
March 18, 2013
Or She Could Have Insisted On Cuddling Afterwards...
The Defense Equal Opportunity Management Institute (DEOMI), an arm of the Department Of Defense, released this video entitled "DEOMI Bystander Intervention Training Video."
The video opens with a depiction the brutal rape and murder of Kitty Genovese. Genovese was savagely attacked and stabbed multiple times. Her cries for help were ignored by numerous neighbors. At one point, her attacker left the scene, only to return several minutes later to rape her and repeatedly stab her again.
The video goes on to suggest preventing violence or rape by, among other strategies, encouraging dialogue or using humor:
Only use these measures if your whistle doesn't work.
David Stein at Republican Party Animals writes:
That the Department of Defense would invoke the Genovese case to illustrate these "nine points" is probably one of the most grotesque and insulting misuses of taxpayer money I've ever witnessed in my 44 years. The ultimate irony is that the Genovese case illustrates the exact opposite of what the DoD (and, by extension, the Obama Administration) is trying force on the public. Moseley specifically told police that he chose female victims because they "didn’t fight back." The Genovese case illustrates the importance of fighting back, not using "progressive" non-violent hippie-bullcrap. The Genovese case illustrates the importance of being armed, and the value of concealed-carry for women.
Your tax dollars hard at work.
(Hat Tip: Gateway Pundit)
Republican Party Animal's parody video is below the fold.
March 10, 2013
Egyptian Superhero Dons Underwear To Protect Muslim Women From Sexual Attacks
Look! Up in the sky! It's bird! It's a buraq! No, it's Supermakh! This Islamic superhero gets his powers from underwear!
Is it just me or does Supermakh look like Carrot Top?