May 15, 2013
Where's Rusty? Star Wars Fight Club Edition
Police were called to a British sci-fi convention following reports that rival fan-clubs had become involved in a violent dispute.
A group of visiting Doctor Who fans were reportedly arguing with a local Star Wars enthusiasts’ club at the Norwich Star Wars Club event, held in the University of East Anglia, police said. But after talking to witnesses and reviewing CCTV police officers said no actual assault took place.
May 04, 2013
May the 4th Be With You!
Here's a photo from our annual Star Wars Day company picnic.
April 26, 2013
Friday Afternoon Star Wars Filibuster
As both a Parks and Recreation fan and the owner of a kinda-sorta Star Wars themed blog, I'm a bit peeved that no one told me about this until I saw Maetenloch's post this morning.
It's pretty funny. If you're a Star Wars geek.
Apparently the whole thing was improved. Yes, Patton Oswalt is one of us. Or, more correctly: you are in Patton Oswalt's tribe.
April 17, 2013
Proof Darth Vader Behind French Victory at Hastings 1066
This explains so much ...
Thanks to Boquisucio
March 21, 2013
Jedi Weddings Unfair!
Proposed changes to marriage would open the way for Star Wars Jedi to perform ceremonies, a church has said.The Sith's is a philosophy of Peace through Strength and also all the Jedi must be destroyed. A religion of Peace if you will.
The Free Church of Scotland said the Marriage and Civil Partnership (Scotland) Bill will allow groups promoting a belief to marry couples.
The government said the change was relevant to bodies such as humanists, who are classed as religious rather than non-religious at the moment.
March 18, 2013
The Death Star Was an Inside Job!
Sorry I got carried away there for a minute...
If the Jedi are not all destroyed it will be civil war without end. See, I'm feeling better now.
Update: A contrarian's rebuttal. Showing once again that the Sith's policy for the Galactic Empire is only to bring peace and justice to the galaxy. Without, you know, balancing the entire Galactic budget on the backs of hard working middle class Jawas.
March 15, 2013
New Improved Jawa Banner Falls Victim to 24h News Cycle
Alas, our new and improved Jawa banner riffing on "the smartest guy in the room" is no more. Remember the good old days when you could keep a snarky joke like that going for months? I miss those days.
PS-if you still see the Star Trek themed banner it's because your computer saves images like that locally in order to load webpages faster. Just hit the reload button and your machine should grab the new image and replace the old one.
March 06, 2013
Sandcrawler Zionist Kihnspiracy Update
However the map is not complete. The center of one of what I believe is the crater Feundlich Sharnov has been censored.
The area has been previously imaged, but not in enough detail to reveal the Super Sekrit Zionist Base which is obscured in the new high detail images.
The base is where The Zionists and Space Aliens hold summit meetings in order to exchange technology and work on plots to rule the world and eventually the entire galaxy.
March 01, 2013
Obama Inspires New Jawa Report Design
Click for Larger Image
Background here if you're not in the loop yet.
I honestly believe that this is the first time any one at MSNBC has ever been disillusioned with Obama. I'm guessing Chuck Todd is in the middle of an existential crisis.
Obama: "Damn it, Jim! I'm A President, Not A Jedi Dictator!"
President Obama complains he can't do a "Jedi Mind Meld" on Republicans:
During President Barack Obama's surprise sequester press conference, CNN reporter Jessica Yellin asked him why he couldn't do anything to stop the automatic spending cuts that start to take effect today.
Obama responded by answering with what was supposed to be a Star Wars reference — but he ended up confusing Star Wars and Star Trek.
"I can’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said.
President Obama wished he could alternatively do a Jedi Death Grip on Conservatives, but that power was also not his to use. He concluded the press conference saying, "May the force be with you so you can live long and prosper."
February 04, 2013
I Find Your Lack of Faith in the Force Meowing
Kittehs: the Sith of the animal kingdom.
Thanks to Jim.
January 21, 2013
Leia Seeks Advice
January 01, 2013
2012 Year in Review (Haiku Contest)
UPDATE: Winners Announced
Hope for change, I did.
Sith revealed. Liberty dies.
Any other ideas summarizing 2012 in 17 syllables?
UPDATE: Let's just go ahead and turn this into a full blown haiku contest. The winner gets a key to the Death Star, a laurel, and a hearty handshake.
UPDATE II: Happy New Year Jawas! Some great haikus.
The Weak Minds Voted for the Fiscal Cliff Deal award for best haiku summarizing 2012 goes to DMartyr for:
Trillion Dollar Debts,
Obama's Benghazi Folks.
The C-3PO Was Just Programmed That Way award for best haiku describing Obama's inner innermost fantasies goes to Moshe Ben Avram for:
Luke Skywalker and the Prez,
Don't ask, don't tell,
Man love abounds.
The Xariff Loves Goatses Award is pretty self explanatory and goes to Kafiroon:
Xariif bows low
Satan prong extends
And the Mark Thinks Poetry is for Fags award for best haiku integrating oblique yet timely lines from Star Wars goes to Snowflake X for:
Muslim moon and star
shining over Washington
Hold on: that's no moon
Thanks to all those that participated. Happy New Year!
December 25, 2012
Merry Christmas, Have You
May the force be with you on this blessed day!
December 13, 2012
Democracy Win! Death Star Petition Reaches Critical Mass
My faith in democracy is restored:
The Death Star petition on the White House website has gained enough signatures to merit a response from President Obama's administrationThe petition reads:
Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.Now if we can just get a right to work bill through the Imperial Senate, we might just get this thing built before the Rebel Alliance gets out of hand.
Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016.
By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.
December 12, 2012
Out: Jesus Face in Tortilla
In: Jabba the Hut the Potato
And the bid at eBay is only up to $10.50 as of this writing.
December 04, 2012
Disney Demeans Darth
Disney puts the Dark Side to work - rebuilding damaged homes:
“I just saw the opening two minutes and they had Darth Vader and his Storm Troopers helping build a new house!” one Star Wars fanboy complained to me. “This is disgusting and it’s exactly what people were afraid of with Disney buying Star Wars. They are ruining the franchise by using it for trivial bullshit. Please write about this. It’s outrageous and it’s totally wrong.”I agree! What's next, Lord Voldemort helping orphans? Sauron advocating for little people? This insanity must STOP!
Updated for your boobie viewing pleasure by SH: Disney Sing-a-long with Princess Leia:
Sad, I know, but boobies!
October 30, 2012
Disney's .... Star Wars VII?
I know you are tempted to ask yourself the age old question: If there really was some all-knowing, all-powerful God, then how could he let George Lucas ruin so many people's lives?
It's a legit point. But just remember: Absolute Evil is evidence of Absolute Good.
I present to you Absolute Evil:
The Walt Disney Company announced today it has agreed to acquire Lucasfilm and is planning Star Wars Episode 7 for 2015! In a conference call, Disney revealed that they are planning a new trilogy starting in 2015 with a new movie coming every other year.Yes, there is a God. I know this because George Lucas is His opposite corollary in the universe.
October 16, 2012
Sand Trooper Jeep Cherokees All Around
A post so self evident, I have to include Fox News' title: Jeep Sand Trooper is just what the Jawa ordered
This must be what Jawas drive on the weekend....Indeed.
If Luke had one of these, we’re guessing would have been a lot happier living on Tatooine.
October 10, 2012
Video: DNC Worker Promotes Voter Fraud
So this is how liberty ends, not with thunderous applause but with a teenage giggle.
October 06, 2012
Luke Skywalker Turns to the Dark Side
The thing is, liberal douches like this are so wrapped up in the media's alternate reality that they actually believe that what they are saying is true:
Mark Hamill, the actor best known for portraying Luke Skywalker in the "Star Wars" movies, posted some harsh criticism of GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney in his Twitter account Thursday that drew some interesting responses.
"I've never seen a candidate for president lie more than Romney," Hamill stated. "He lies effortlessly, shamelessly. This snake oil salesman must be defeated!!!"
October 03, 2012
Obama's Jedi Mind Trick on the Media
And yes, that old trick only works on the weak minded.
Thanks to Armoros Fallen
UPDATE: Admin warned within hours that Benghazi attack had al Qaeda ties, continued to blame First Amendment for at least 9 days.
September 10, 2012
Who Says Star Wars Geeks Can't be LSU Fans?
Greatest idea ever?
The only tragedy here is that it wasn't a Trojan who thought of this. Come on guys, George Lucas didn't donate $100 million for nothing!
Thanks to Jim.
August 23, 2012
Hurt in a speeder bike accident on Endor? Call the Law Office of Lando Calrissian
Caption This: Sith Lord Spotted Over Crucial Swing State
Darth Vader balloon at the All Ohio Balloonfest. Photo courtesy of Dave M's wife Marilyn.
August 20, 2012
What do you get when you cross a Land Cruiser and an Imperial Speeder?
Thanks to Phil
August 09, 2012
Mars Rover Mystery Sparks Controversy
A strange blotch appeared in the Mars rover's view finder that has scientists baffled. After a short time, the mysterious shape disappeared.
Any guesses? Add your two cents in comments.
June 04, 2012
What if Star Wars was a Spanish Language Soap Opera?
Finally, one more important Star Wars question answered.
Thanks to MR.
May 25, 2012
Today will be a day long remembered.
It has seen the return of Shackleford, soon we shall see the end of the Rebellion.
And also I'm old.
April 12, 2012
Take Your Kid to Work Day: Star Wars Edition
Or, where's Rusty?
Actually, I'm in the middle of writing my last midterm and then I'm going fishing. And none of that catch and release crap either. I eat what I catch.
April 11, 2012
Kenobi '08: Our Only Hope
Actual bumper sticker.
If you don't get it, you're on the wrong blog.
Thanks to Randy.
George Lucas Wept
It's called karma, bitch. You'd think rich lefties like George Lucas and his Marin County neighbors would get that the real problem here is in the scope of government. That if it takes years and years of negotiations just to get the right permits to green light the project, that maybe that project won't get built.
But they won't get it. They won't learn a thing. They never do.
Thanks to Kalifornia Kafir.
March 30, 2012
Deep Thoughts by Joe Dirt on Star Wars
Thanks to JaWannaBe for reminding me of the Joe Dirt reference, I found this little gem as I was looking for another clip. It's classic.
March 29, 2012
Every Important Lesson Is Learned from Star Wars
Thanks to SH
March 26, 2012
Are Hoodies Dangerous? A Star Wars Guide
The question of the hour: Do hoodies really make people look like thugs? Like all questions of real importance, Star Wars has the answer.
HMF Nanabozoh, this one is too good to not post.
click to enlarge
March 07, 2012
In Response to Rustys Lack of Faith
Arguably the greatest Jedi Master of all time, Yoda was renowned throughout the galaxy for his ability with the Force and his great wisdom. Of all of his insights, probably his most famous piece of advice was given to Luke Skywalker on Dagobah: “Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.”And I would argue the Empire hasn't failed. Oh no After Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker becomes defacto Emperor. You kill the Emperor, you get his job. It doesn't matter if he wants the job or not. The adoring people will demand it. So as Darth Sideous says, "Everything is proceeding as I have forseen." Luke will have succeeded both Vader and Sideous. And although Yoda's record isn't outstanding he does predict, "Help them you could, but you will become an agent of evil."
Whilst we could spend time plenty of time explaining why this makes Yoda pretty much the single worst teacher of all time, we decided instead to check a few things called “facts” and see how Yoda stacked up against his own advice. Without further ado, here is a (non-exhaustive) chronological list of things the grossly incompetent Jedi Master tried (and completely failed) to do:
Convince Qui-Gon not to train Anakin.
Convince Obi-Wan not to train Anakin (several times).
Bully Anakin into not training to be a Jedi (no crap you sense fear in him, Yoda. He’s a nine-year-old kid who’s just been taken from his mother and is now standing in a room full of magical judgemental old people talking to a space goblin).
Realise that the only way ANYBODY could “Bring balance to the Force” would be by killing a crap load of Jedi.
Figure out the identity of the Sith Lord mastermind behind everything (despite INCREDIBLY FREQUENTLY BEING IN THE SAME ROOM).
Beat Count Dooku in a lightsaber fight.
Prevent Count Dooku from getting away after their lightsaber fight.
So Luke will find himself the head of an Empire. Will he try to bring back democracy? The type of democracy where the Republic rotted from within. Or will he be tempted to take the short and easy path of the benevolent dictator? Which will inevitably lead him down a path to the Dark Side. All who have power are afraid of losing it.
And will Leia then cut her brother's hand off? Thus continuing the inevitable cycle of failure of both sides to bring peace and justice to the Galaxy?
March 06, 2012
Why Emperor Palpatine And Darth Vader Were Destined to Fail
Ha, I didn't see this last month when it came out, but it's destined to be an instant classic: Five leadership mistakes of the Galactic Empire. Here's a taste:
Mistake #1: Building an organization around particular people, rather than institutions.....Indeed, it seems that many in the Democratic party assumed that al Qaeda was run pretty much along these lines. Eliminate bin Laden, and it's game over, right?
As the events of the movie make clear, the deaths of the Emperor and Darth Vader pretty much eliminated any opportunity for succession. A galaxy-wide organization was defeated simply by taking out two key individuals. Despite his decades of scheming, Palpatine’s organization barely lasted a day after he was gone.
Unfortunately, even bin Laden was smarter than Emperor Palpatine. His organization keeps ticking despite his untimely death.
In fact, bin Laden was more like Obi Wan Kenobi: we struck him down and he became more powerful than we could possibly imagine.
Thanks to John.
February 16, 2012
Footprints in the Sand (Tatooine Edition)