April 04, 2014

Sadly, Ukraine Rules out Darth Vader's Presidential Bid

What does a Sith Lord have to do to get elected around here?

Ukrainian authorities have rejected a bid from a man calling himself Darth Vader, who wants to run in the presidential elections.

The man, who appears in the costume of the fictional character from the Star Wars films and is often accompanied by people dressed in other Star Wars outfits, was nominated for the presidency by the Internet Party of Ukraine. Earlier he told the party's congress that he wanted to turn Ukraine into "a galactic empire".

Thanks to LarrO

Oh, I'll be out of town until next Wednesday. Hopefully Howie will be back soon, but he might just be enjoying the sponge baths a little too much.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 05:12 PM | Comments |

April 01, 2014

Please Lord, Let News of Jar Jar Binks in New Star Wars Movie Be an Elaborate April Fool's Joke

Seriously, if this isn't a joke I may have to start that shooting rampage I've always fantasized about.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:05 PM | Comments |

March 07, 2014

What Really Happens When Arabs Achieve Freedom

Sometimes you get more Jihadis, but then sometimes you get.

By Howie at 03:50 PM | Comments |

February 22, 2014

What if A Christmas Story Was Set in a Galaxy Far, Far Away?

You'll shoot your eye out kid!


h/t: Depressed Darth

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 01:11 PM | Comments |

February 21, 2014

A New Hope for Oakland: Sure They Have Crime, but they also have Bacon and Beer

Oakland just went from a hive of scum and villainy to a hive of scum and villainy with potential.


Thanks to Anne

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:39 AM | Comments |

January 17, 2014

Which Star Wars Character Are You?

If I'm being honest, when I was a kid all I wanted to do was grow up to be Han Solo. Or Indiana Jones. Not Harrison Ford, per se, but the guy did get to play the two coolest SciFi characters in history.


Now if I could only find a bullwhip that did't break when you tried to swing on them my life would be complete.

Thanks to Laura

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:23 AM | Comments |

January 13, 2014

New Photos of Princess Leia in Metal Bikini Emerge

Call Peter Mayhew -- the guy who played Chewbacca -- a pervert for snapping these photos, sure. But he's my kind of pervert.



God bless you Peter Mayhew!

Don't judge us!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 01:12 PM | Comments |

December 06, 2013

Friday Star Wars Bohemian Rhapsody

Thanks to Short Timer

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:34 AM | Comments |

November 28, 2013

A Very Jawa Thanksgiving!

jar jar for thanksgiving.jpg

Happy Thanksgiving to all you turkeys!

*img src

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 12:24 PM | Comments |

November 04, 2013

1 Billion Years in the Making....

By Howie at 02:53 PM | Comments |

October 28, 2013

The Lost Return of the Jedi Laserdisk

Back in the day I worked for organized crime AKA an amusement company. Anyway I once dropped a Laserdisk for Dragon's Lair. It rolled on the edge like a penny, I was able to use my palms to save it before it ever touched flat on the floor. Which of course would have ruined the disk and put an end to my employment and my free Galaga fringe benefit.

But I digress.

For Star Wars fans, Christmas has come early. Last week, never-before-seen footage from Return of the Jedi appeared on Facebook, posted by a fan who bought an old LaserDisc that Lucasfilm created back in the '80s to showcase an editing system.

The fan has posted nine videos to a Facebook page so far. Most are alternate takes of well-known scenes, such as when Luke Skywalker visits Jedi Master Yoda for the last time. There's also a minute-long clip of R2-D2 repairing Luke's X-Wing fighter on Dagobah.

All the clips are here.

The Project Droid Facebook page is here.

By Howie at 10:48 AM | Comments |

October 17, 2013

Tragically, UK Scientists Proves Yeti is Polar/Brown Bear Hybrid

At least I've still got Sasquatch and Nessie to pin my hopes on:

Research by a British scientist has concluded that the legendary Himalayan yeti may in fact be a sub-species of brown bear.

DNA tests on hair samples carried out by Oxford University genetics professor Bryan Sykes found that they matched those from an ancient polar bear.

He subjected the hairs to the most advanced tests available.

He says the most likely explanation for the myth is that the animal is a hybrid of polar bears and brown bears.

Prof Sykes told the BBC that there may be a real biological animal behind the yeti myth.

I think the interesting thing here isn't that he just disproved the Yeti, but that he found evidence that there really was an animal behind the sighting. If that's the case, then could Bigfoot be real-ish?

I've got to be honest with you, I've had a lifelong fascination with the paranormal, UFOs, and cryptozoology. The thing is, I don't actually believe any of it. I think it's all nonsense. But I want to believe. So, I continue to watch stupid documentaries about them. And if you tell me you believe in them my normal reply is OMFG, you are such a moron!

And yet, with all my mocking, there's ..... hope. I guess it's a nerd thing. It's in our DNA.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:40 AM | Comments |

September 26, 2013

I Knew It: Lightsabers Are Real!

The line forms behind me:

The team of physicists say they have discovered a new kind of matter, using things called “Photonic Molecules.”

They say unlike typical lasers which pass right through each other, these bind together so you can whack them against each other.

They say it all ends up looking like the iconic Jedi weapon.

Something in my pants just moved.

Thanks to Harry

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:39 PM | Comments |

September 24, 2013

Rusty Longs to Own Life Size Imperial Scout Walker for sale on eBay

Imagine this as your ride. You're stuck in traffic. The car in front of you is tiny and claims to be "Smart" for some reason.

Then ... you stomp on it!

lifesize at-at walker.jpg

Ok, so it's not a working model but I'd take this over a garden gnome any day.

Thanks to Short Timer

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:27 AM | Comments |

August 21, 2013

Star Wars + Beer + Australia = Better Than Episode I

I know, when you set a bar as low as Episode I what isn't better? But come on, this is pretty good.

Star Wars Downunder Trailer from Michael Cox on Vimeo.

Thanks to Short Timer.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 09:54 AM | Comments |

August 13, 2013

And Now the Princess Leia Hijab

Hey, Your Worship, I'm only trying to help.

Would you please stop calling me that?

By Howie at 02:13 PM | Comments |

July 19, 2013

I felt a great disturbance in the force .....


h/t: Darth Vader via Darth Odie

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:57 AM | Comments |

July 18, 2013

Party on Luke!

Party on Leia!

My apologies Buzzfeed, our server won't let me upload that, too large.

By Howie at 07:19 AM | Comments |

May 29, 2013

Count Dooku's New Strategy to Bring Younglings to the Dark Side: Heavy Metal


And if you need any more evidence that this is the work of the Sith, contemplate who it is that Count Dooku is teaming up with to make the album: Judas Priest:

The record, which features track names such as “Massacre of the Saxons”, “The Devil’s Advocate” and “The Ultimate Sacrifice”, is likely to appeal to fans of Sir Lee’s fantasy films. Lee appears on the cover brandishing a sword and surrounded by fire....

“I’m not screaming or anything like that, but it is definitely heavy metal,” Sir [Christopher] Lee said....

The album was arranged by Richie Faulkner, the lead guitarist for heavy metal band Judas Priest.

Thanks to Armaros

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:24 AM | Comments |

May 15, 2013

Where's Rusty? Star Wars Fight Club Edition

The first rule of Star Wars fight club? We don't talk about Dr Who.

Police were called to a British sci-fi convention following reports that rival fan-clubs had become involved in a violent dispute.

A group of visiting Doctor Who fans were reportedly arguing with a local Star Wars enthusiasts’ club at the Norwich Star Wars Club event, held in the University of East Anglia, police said. But after talking to witnesses and reviewing CCTV police officers said no actual assault took place.

By Howie at 01:52 PM | Comments |

May 04, 2013

May the 4th Be With You!

Here's a photo from our annual Star Wars Day company picnic.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:38 AM | Comments |

April 26, 2013

Friday Afternoon Star Wars Filibuster

As both a Parks and Recreation fan and the owner of a kinda-sorta Star Wars themed blog, I'm a bit peeved that no one told me about this until I saw Maetenloch's post this morning.

It's pretty funny. If you're a Star Wars geek.

Apparently the whole thing was improved. Yes, Patton Oswalt is one of us. Or, more correctly: you are in Patton Oswalt's tribe.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:09 AM | Comments |

April 17, 2013

Proof Darth Vader Behind French Victory at Hastings 1066

This explains so much ...

Vader Hastings.jpg

Thanks to Boquisucio

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:34 AM | Comments |

March 21, 2013

Jedi Weddings Unfair!

Because what about Sith Marriages?

Proposed changes to marriage would open the way for Star Wars Jedi to perform ceremonies, a church has said.

The Free Church of Scotland said the Marriage and Civil Partnership (Scotland) Bill will allow groups promoting a belief to marry couples.

The government said the change was relevant to bodies such as humanists, who are classed as religious rather than non-religious at the moment.

The Sith's is a philosophy of Peace through Strength and also all the Jedi must be destroyed. A religion of Peace if you will.

By Howie at 09:57 AM | Comments |

March 18, 2013

The Death Star Was an Inside Job!

Down with Trade Federation! Down with the Banker's Clan!

Sorry I got carried away there for a minute...

If the Jedi are not all destroyed it will be civil war without end. See, I'm feeling better now.

Update: A contrarian's rebuttal. Showing once again that the Sith's policy for the Galactic Empire is only to bring peace and justice to the galaxy. Without, you know, balancing the entire Galactic budget on the backs of hard working middle class Jawas.

By Howie at 10:07 AM | Comments |

March 15, 2013

New Improved Jawa Banner Falls Victim to 24h News Cycle

Alas, our new and improved Jawa banner riffing on "the smartest guy in the room" is no more. Remember the good old days when you could keep a snarky joke like that going for months? I miss those days.

PS-if you still see the Star Trek themed banner it's because your computer saves images like that locally in order to load webpages faster. Just hit the reload button and your machine should grab the new image and replace the old one.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:23 AM | Comments |

March 06, 2013

Sandcrawler Zionist Kihnspiracy Update

Today Nasa revealed a complete global map of Mercury taken by the Messenger spacecraft.

See original image here.

However the map is not complete. The center of one of what I believe is the crater Feundlich Sharnov has been censored.


The area has been previously imaged, but not in enough detail to reveal the Super Sekrit Zionist Base which is obscured in the new high detail images.

The base is where The Zionists and Space Aliens hold summit meetings in order to exchange technology and work on plots to rule the world and eventually the entire galaxy.

By Howie at 01:25 PM | Comments |

March 01, 2013

Obama Inspires New Jawa Report Design

Click for Larger Image

Background here if you're not in the loop yet.

I honestly believe that this is the first time any one at MSNBC has ever been disillusioned with Obama. I'm guessing Chuck Todd is in the middle of an existential crisis.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:14 PM | Comments |

Obama: "Damn it, Jim! I'm A President, Not A Jedi Dictator!"


President Obama complains he can't do a "Jedi Mind Meld" on Republicans:

During President Barack Obama's surprise sequester press conference, CNN reporter Jessica Yellin asked him why he couldn't do anything to stop the automatic spending cuts that start to take effect today.

Obama responded by answering with what was supposed to be a Star Wars reference — but he ended up confusing Star Wars and Star Trek.

"I can’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said.

President Obama wished he could alternatively do a Jedi Death Grip on Conservatives, but that power was also not his to use. He concluded the press conference saying, "May the force be with you so you can live long and prosper."


By DMartyr at 12:28 PM | Comments |

February 04, 2013

I Find Your Lack of Faith in the Force Meowing

Kittehs: the Sith of the animal kingdom.

Thanks to Jim.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:48 AM | Comments |

January 01, 2013

2012 Year in Review (Haiku Contest)
UPDATE: Winners Announced

Hope for change, I did.
Sith revealed. Liberty dies.
Thunderous applause

Any other ideas summarizing 2012 in 17 syllables?

UPDATE: Let's just go ahead and turn this into a full blown haiku contest. The winner gets a key to the Death Star, a laurel, and a hearty handshake.

UPDATE II: Happy New Year Jawas! Some great haikus.

The Weak Minds Voted for the Fiscal Cliff Deal award for best haiku summarizing 2012 goes to DMartyr for:

Trillion Dollar Debts,
Obama's Benghazi Folks.
Constitution death.

The C-3PO Was Just Programmed That Way award for best haiku describing Obama's inner innermost fantasies goes to Moshe Ben Avram for:

Luke Skywalker and the Prez,
Don't ask, don't tell,
Man love abounds.

The Xariff Loves Goatses Award is pretty self explanatory and goes to Kafiroon:

Xariif bows low
Butt high
Satan prong extends

And the Mark Thinks Poetry is for Fags award for best haiku integrating oblique yet timely lines from Star Wars goes to Snowflake X for:

Muslim moon and star
shining over Washington
Hold on: that's no moon

Thanks to all those that participated. Happy New Year!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 01:47 PM | Comments |

December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas, Have You

May the force be with you on this blessed day!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:50 PM | Comments |

December 13, 2012

Democracy Win! Death Star Petition Reaches Critical Mass

deathstar demotivational2.jpg

My faith in democracy is restored:

The Death Star petition on the White House website has gained enough signatures to merit a response from President Obama's administration
The petition reads:
Secure resources and funding, and begin construction of a Death Star by 2016.

Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016.

By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.

Now if we can just get a right to work bill through the Imperial Senate, we might just get this thing built before the Rebel Alliance gets out of hand.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 03:00 PM | Comments |

December 12, 2012

Out: Jesus Face in Tortilla
In: Jabba the Hut the Potato


And the bid at eBay is only up to $10.50 as of this writing.

Unrelated? Jedi fastest growing alternative religion in the UK.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:28 AM | Comments |

December 04, 2012

Disney Demeans Darth

Disney puts the Dark Side to work - rebuilding damaged homes:

“I just saw the opening two minutes and they had Darth Vader and his Storm Troopers helping build a new house!” one Star Wars fanboy complained to me. “This is disgusting and it’s exactly what people were afraid of with Disney buying Star Wars. They are ruining the franchise by using it for trivial bullshit. Please write about this. It’s outrageous and it’s totally wrong.”
I agree! What's next, Lord Voldemort helping orphans? Sauron advocating for little people? This insanity must STOP!

Updated for your boobie viewing pleasure by SH: Disney Sing-a-long with Princess Leia:

Sad, I know, but boobies!

By DMartyr at 12:51 PM | Comments |

October 30, 2012

Disney's .... Star Wars VII?

I know you are tempted to ask yourself the age old question: If there really was some all-knowing, all-powerful God, then how could he let George Lucas ruin so many people's lives?

It's a legit point. But just remember: Absolute Evil is evidence of Absolute Good.

I present to you Absolute Evil:

The Walt Disney Company announced today it has agreed to acquire Lucasfilm and is planning Star Wars Episode 7 for 2015! In a conference call, Disney revealed that they are planning a new trilogy starting in 2015 with a new movie coming every other year.
Yes, there is a God. I know this because George Lucas is His opposite corollary in the universe.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 04:39 PM | Comments |