January 21, 2016
Ben Solo's Not Crazy, You're the One That's Crazy!
December 31, 2015
George Lucas: Disney Butchered Force Awakens Storyline
It seems Disney is more concerned with the fans than the story the fans love.
I'm not sure how this works but I am sure that Real Han Solo would have slapped that kid first and drug him him home by the stinking unwashed hair on his hippie head!
I sold them to the white slavers that takes these things, and…,” he said in a recent interview with Charlie Rose, before deciding not to finish the sentence, USA Today reported.
Mr. Lucas, 71, also explained why he and Disney were split on their visions for the future of the franchise.
“They wanted to do a retro movie. I don’t like that. Every movie, I worked very hard to make them different,” he said. “I made them completely different — different planets, different spaceships to make it new.”
“They looked at the stories, and they said, ‘We want to make something for the fans,’” Mr. Lucas said. “They decided they didn’t want to use those stories, they decided they were going to do their own thing. …
December 18, 2015
Sandcrawler PSA: Everything is Cancelled We Swear!
We're pretty sure all work and school are cancelled today....
Didn't you get the memo?
December 11, 2015
Death Star Incident Caused by Unstable Disgruntled Redneck From Outer Rim
Once Luke escapes and regroups with a terror sleeper cell, he joins them on an attack mission. As he nears his target, hearing Obi-Wan’s words in his mind, Luke closes his eyes, says a prayer and bombs a space station, killing everyone aboard. Young Skywalker has proven himself a quick study in the ways of armed religious extremism.But Jawa sources have disclosed that Skywalker was distraught over not being allowed to JOIN the Imperial Academy, not the so called Rebel Alliance.
As the Empire Strikes Back begins, Obi-Wan appears to Luke as an apparition and gives him clear instructions on continuing his radicalization. Luke is ordered to travel overseas to receive training and religious instruction from Yoda, an extremist cleric who runs a Jedi madrasa on Dagobah.
As for the influence of Kenobi and Jedi Terrorism, sources close to Skywalker have told Jawa Report, It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense. That old man was crazy.
Hat Tip: Reason.
December 10, 2015
Sandcrawler PSA: Save Slave Leia!
Because what good is a sex slave that's not, um sexy.
Fisher is in much demand these days as she is making a return in the new, eagerly awaited "Star Wars" film, "The Force Awakens."What a dick, how about you get your daughter once of these slave outfits.
The actress told the Los Angeles Times that perhaps the father who complained should tell his daughter that her character "is wearing that outfit not because she's chosen to wear it. She's been forced to wear it."
"She's a prisoner of a giant testicle who has a lot of saliva going on and she does not want to wear that thing and it's ultimately that chain, which you're now indicating is some sort of accessory to S&M, that is used to kill the giant saliva testicle," Fisher said. "That's asinine."
These girls don't want to wear them either, and you can still retain your aversion to female hetronormative behavior.
For the rest of us hetromormative red blooded Americans we present Slave Leia, a force for good.
What was it you wanted again?
October 26, 2015
Rusty Wins Seat on Odessa City Council Chewy Arrested
Darth Sidious, aka Emperor Palpatine, was reportedly just elected to a seat on the city council of Odessa, Ukraine's fourth largest city.Good. Goooooddddd!
Video has been released of the moment Chewbacca was arrested in Ukraine for unlawfully canvassing for the country's Internet Party.
The Wookiee was stopped by police on Sunday while driving Darth Vader to a polling station in Odessa where the pair were campaigning for Vader in the mayoral elections.
Ukraine's local election law forbids candidates from canvassing on the day of voting and Chewbacca was taken into custody after failing to show police his ID.
October 23, 2015
Where's Rusty? Darth Lenin Edition
Know the powah of the WIFI!
You got to hand it to the Russian not only are they drunk, they are very cool.
September 18, 2015
Astromechs Enter Serivce
July 15, 2015
Polly Wants a Jawa
I think she wants some water to put out the blow torch.
Speaking of blow.
Whore! You dirty dirty whore!
July 13, 2015
Jawa Christmas in July!
Know the powah!
It getting about time to gear up on this new Star Wars gig. I'm so excited I could just sh*t.
April 27, 2015
X Wing Fighter in Space! (For REELZIES!!)
Or at least, the edge of space.
I had to click this link to see the backstory because, frankly, I thought it was a hoax. Nope, it's real:
That's no moon, that's a high altitude balloon. Two men in the UK, who jokingly call themselves the ESA or "Essex Space Agency" (a play on the European Space Agency) used high altitude balloons and high definition cameras to send an X-Wing fighter model into space and film it high above Earth.
April 22, 2015
This Can't Stand!
here's a rumor going around that when Star Wars is released on digital format tomorrow it will restore a key scene. Badass Digest reports that Star Wars will have Han shooting first.So awesome that someone cares more about the story than toys and the kiddies!
In 1977's Star Wars, audiences were introduced to Han Solo in a badass way. He is confronted by Greedo, a bounty hunter, in Mos Eisley cantina. Greedo wants to collect the bounty on Han, which was set by Jabba the Hutt. As the scene plays out we see Han very slyly reach for his gun and in a casual manner fires it, killing Greedo.
Then Lucas decided to alter the scene for the 1997 Special Edition re-release. Instead of having Han fire first, he had Greedo take a shot a Han. This destroyed a key component of Han's character development. We ended up with a generic self-defense scene.
Just downloaded "Star Wars: A New Hope" HD on Australian iTunes. No change from the Blu-ray - Greedo still shoots first god damn it.— Garth Franklin (@darkhorizons) April 9, 2015
Han Shoots First alternate
Because Fox doesn't know WTF fair use is
Also FOX no longer has a claim they sold out to Disney
Hat Tip: B'emet Or.
Updated: 04/22/15... As a kid I not only saw star wars. I had the Album and also the book. I hate to say the book has long ago been lost but thanks to the wonder that is Google we can now see the Han vs. Greedo encounter in its entire context. (also good if you want to read about Luke goofing off at the power station with his no good friends but I digress).
So you see Greedo had a gun on Solo and threatened him three times, also Solo didn't reply "I'll bet you have." to Greedo's "I've waited for this for a long time".
He replied, "I think you're right." to Greedo's ,"...for the last time."
Regardless HAN SHOOTS FIRST!
April 01, 2015
Use The Force!
The technical ramifications of this great discovery, facilitated by the use of CERN's Large Hadron Collider, are too complex to go into right now. Suffice to say that what you so far perceived as gravity, was some prankster Jedi using his powers to keep stuff attached to the Earth. Yes, the man has literally been holding you down all this time.The Force is also a gay rapist?
March 30, 2015
Imperial Star Destroyer Bombs Taliban
Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen .....
March 23, 2015
Actual Sandcrawler Used in Suicide Bombing
I, for one, mourn the loss of the Sandcrawler. The suicide bomber? Not so much.
March 05, 2015
Crashing Planes Ain't Like Dusting Crops Boy
A small plane piloted by Harrison Ford has crash-landed at an L.A. golf course ... but we're told the actor has survived.He was flying that thing? He's braver than I thought.
TMZ has learned ... Ford was piloting what appears to be a vintage 2-seater fighter plane Thursday ... when something went wrong and he crashed into Penmar golf course in Venice, CA.
We're told Ford suffered multiple gashes to his head and was bleeding. Two doctors who happened to be at the golf course rushed over to treat the actor.
Emergency personnel arrived to the scene a short time later. Ford was transported to a nearby hospital.
72-year-old Ford is a longtime aviator -- piloting planes and helicopters -- and has crashed multiple times in the past.
February 10, 2015
Finally: A Drone that Can Make the Kessel Run in Less Than 12 Parsecs
December 01, 2014
Click image for more but skip slides 1, 7, 9, bad gay.
November 28, 2014
You Can't Keep The Sith Down
July 31, 2014
Playing with his cats:
I guess he missed his playdate with Howie.
July 23, 2014
Death to Jar Jar Binks.
June 24, 2014
You will call me Master.
Hey just because something is new, doesn't mean it has to be bad ;-)
June 04, 2014
Where's Rusty?Totally Righteous Edition
Howie and Rusty, making commercials for extra scratch at 0:27.
Utinni! (He was like totally robbed dude!).
Hat Tip: AC/DC.
May 30, 2014
Darth Vader Trolls Luke With Twitter
April 04, 2014
Sadly, Ukraine Rules out Darth Vader's Presidential Bid
What does a Sith Lord have to do to get elected around here?
Ukrainian authorities have rejected a bid from a man calling himself Darth Vader, who wants to run in the presidential elections.Thanks to LarrO
The man, who appears in the costume of the fictional character from the Star Wars films and is often accompanied by people dressed in other Star Wars outfits, was nominated for the presidency by the Internet Party of Ukraine. Earlier he told the party's congress that he wanted to turn Ukraine into "a galactic empire".
Oh, I'll be out of town until next Wednesday. Hopefully Howie will be back soon, but he might just be enjoying the sponge baths a little too much.
April 01, 2014
Please Lord, Let News of Jar Jar Binks in New Star Wars Movie Be an Elaborate April Fool's Joke
Seriously, if this isn't a joke I may have to start that shooting rampage I've always fantasized about.
March 19, 2014
Two Things Jawas Love Most In One Video: Guns And Star Wars
March 07, 2014
What Really Happens When Arabs Achieve Freedom
Sometimes you get more Jihadis, but then sometimes you get.
February 22, 2014
What if A Christmas Story Was Set in a Galaxy Far, Far Away?
You'll shoot your eye out kid!
h/t: Depressed Darth
February 21, 2014
A New Hope for Oakland: Sure They Have Crime, but they also have Bacon and Beer
Oakland just went from a hive of scum and villainy to a hive of scum and villainy with potential.
Thanks to Anne
February 11, 2014
Science! Ancient Egyptian Landspeeder
January 23, 2014
Where's .... Everyone? Twerking is the Dark Side of the Force Edition
January 17, 2014
Which Star Wars Character Are You?
If I'm being honest, when I was a kid all I wanted to do was grow up to be Han Solo. Or Indiana Jones. Not Harrison Ford, per se, but the guy did get to play the two coolest SciFi characters in history.
Now if I could only find a bullwhip that did't break when you tried to swing on them my life would be complete.
Thanks to Laura
January 13, 2014
New Photos of Princess Leia in Metal Bikini Emerge
Call Peter Mayhew -- the guy who played Chewbacca -- a pervert for snapping these photos, sure. But he's my kind of pervert.
God bless you Peter Mayhew!
Don't judge us!