February 01, 2014

Hey, There are Worse Reasons to Root For the Seahawks than that one of their Cheerleaders is an Air Force Officer

Okay, I really have no skin in this game. I was going to root for the Broncos for on other reason than I have a buddy rooting for the Seahawks. But then, this:

aliciaquaco-cheerleader-air-force.jpg
Alicia Quaco works at two jobs. Nothing surprising about that; many Americans have a “day job”, and another job to help make ends meet.

But Alicia’s combination is a little unusual – probably unique. Her day job is working for Uncle Sam in the military – she’s a first lieutenant in the US Air Force.

And, what does she do in the evenings? She goes to training practice for her second job as a member of the cheerleading squad for the Seattle Seahawks!

Yeah, that seals the deal.

Unless the Broncos have a cheerleader with a purple heart, I'm sticking with Seattle. Thanks to CDR M

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 03:47 PM | Comments |

January 09, 2014

Obviously: Inmate Seeks Injunction Ordering Steelers Into Playoffs

Obviously this case has merit:

A Steelers fan in the Pennsylvania corrections department has filed a handwritten lawsuit against the NFL in the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Pennsylvania to seek a "temporary emergency injunction" for the playoffs on the grounds that the Steelers should be in the playoffs instead of the San Diego Chargers.
Well, duh.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 12:03 PM | Comments |

December 03, 2013

Where's Howie?

Bailing his wife out of jail. Apparently she takes her 'Bama football seriously:

After an Iron Bowl party on Saturday turned violent, police have charged 28-year-old Adrian Laroze Briskey with murder for the shooting death of 36-year-old Michelle Lacette Shepherd....

When officers arrived, Shepherd was already dead. According to authorities, Briskey and Shepherd got into an argument after the game and the fight spilled into the parking lot. During the incident, Briskey allegedly shot Shepherd three times with a small caliber handgun. The women did not know each other prior to the party.

Which just goes to show that desegregation was a bad idea in Alabama. They really should have separate drinking fountains for Auburn and Tide fans!

So, I almost had it right yesterday when I said I wasn't bailing Howie out.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:38 AM | Comments |

August 08, 2013

Slate Distances Itself From The Washington #$@&^%s

I know what you are thinking. Washington is filled with #$@&^%s, especially the D.C. area. So exactly which Washington #$@&^%s have offended Slate?

There was much contorting at the Slate offices today as staffers patted themselves on the back for deciding the publication would no longer refer to the Washington Redskins by the team’s name. Oh, and neither should you.

Allow me to retort with this tweet by one of the most popular Washington #$@&^%s out there:

RGIII_tweet.jpg

By DMartyr at 01:59 PM | Comments |

January 14, 2013

Terrorists Supporting Atlanta Falcons

If the Falcons beat the 49ers, the terrorists have already won.

MayaPshopFALCONSsmall.JPG

[Howie's Photoshop contest for fatwas ]

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:32 PM | Comments |

November 18, 2012

BCS BS

Wait, so Alabama loses to #9 Texas A&M and is now #2. Oregon loses to #8 Stanford by a field goal in OT and they fall to ..... #5??? This would be the same Stanford that played #1 Notre Dame and only lost that one in OT.

WTF?

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 09:55 PM | Comments |

August 27, 2012

Doh!

This is one way to take out your competitor - or at least his pit crew...

By DMartyr at 09:10 AM | Comments |

August 07, 2012

Olympic Jihad

The Olympics saw an interesting boxing match last week. When I saw this, like many, I was shocked at such a blatantly biased display. Why would this ref go so far and risk so much for a mediocre fighter?


http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=2f3_1344178685

Other than coming from neighboring countries, they don't seem to be related or connected in any way. The boxer, Magomed Abdulhamidov, is from Azerbaijan. The referee, Ishanguly Meretnyyazov, is from Turkmenistan. I just don't see a connection. Maybe someone can help me out?

It should be noted that the decision was later overturned and the referee sent home.

By DMartyr at 12:30 PM | Comments |

June 12, 2012

Government Sports #Fail

So the One Hitters smoked the President's softball team 25 to 3 and beat the drug Czar's team by forfeit.

Anyone notice a cloud hanging over the Mall last week? That might have been the White House softball team getting absolutely smoked by the team fielded by the marijuana lobby.

The One Hitters, the team of pro-pot activists, beat STOTUS (the Softball Team of the U.S.) 25-3.

The Obama White House, the only thing more incompetent than nine people stoned out of their gourd.

By Howie at 02:02 PM | Comments |

February 21, 2012

Animal Rights Drone Blasted by Hunters


(Bamberg County, South Carolina) Last week, an animal rights group launched a video-equipped helicopter drone to monitor a pigeon shooting range at Broxton Bridge Plantation in South Carolina.

Within minutes, hunters blasted the drone out of the sky.

A group called SHARK, which stands for Showing Animals Respect and Kindness, had publicized their plans to use the drone to record the pigeon shoot at Broxton Bridge Plantation in South Carolina.
The drone suffered $200 to $300 in damage from being shot down. The sheriff was notified of the incident. (More….)

By Mr. E. Blogger at 02:26 PM | Comments |

February 06, 2012

Tom Brady's Wife Opens Mouth, Inserts Foot
Wait, You Were Looking at Her MOUTH?

I feel sorry for Tom Brady. He lost the biggest game of the year, he's not going to Disneyworld, and now he has to go home and hit that?

Yeah, I feel sorry for him. Really, really sorry.

brady_giselle_fail.JPG

If that's the consolation prize? Yeah, I'd throw the game.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 04:58 PM | Comments |

February 04, 2012

Sandcrawler Announcement: Re Egypt

Tomorrow there will be a deadly riot in protest of today's deadly riot in protest of yesterday's deadly riot in protest of the deadly riot at a recent soccer match in Egypt.

Our previous coverage of, you know.

By Howie at 06:48 PM | Comments |

January 04, 2012

Topless Women's Basketball

(New York City) A topless women's basketball team is being put together by the Headquarters Gentlemen's Club in New York. Former NBA notable Dennis Rodman came up with the idea and will coach. He is currently recruiting "talent."


Topless-Basketball-recruits.jpg
"Talent" for basketball

No experience is necessary but it's believed that expertise at free throws is a plus. An image of talented dribbling (NSFW) is displayed in the extended entry. (More….)


Topless Dribbler (NSFW).jpg
Topless Dribbler

By Mr. E. Blogger at 03:37 PM | Comments |

July 13, 2011

Where's Rusty?

handcuffs_viagra.jpg

Apparently, he messed with the wrong woman and got beat down (among other things...).

A Russian man who tried to rob a hair salon ended up as the victim when the female shop owner overpowered him, tied him up naked and then used him as a sex slave for three days.

Viktor Jasinski, 32, admitted to police that he had gone to the salon in Meshchovsk, Russia, with the intention of robbing it.

But the tables were turned dramatically when he found himself overcome by owner Olga Zajac, 28, who happened to be a black belt in karate.

She allegedly floored the would-be robber with a single kick.

Then, in a scene reminiscent of Quentin Tarantino's Pulp Fiction, police say Zajac dragged the semi-conscious Jasinski to a back room of the salon and tied him up with a hair dryer cable.

She allegedly stripped him naked and, for the next three days, used him as a sex slave to 'teach him a lesson' - force feeding him Viagra to keep the lesson going.

Yeah, that'll teach him...

(Hat Tip: Vinnie)

By DMartyr at 11:53 AM | Comments |

January 15, 2011

Are you sure he wasn't just trying to fap?

Alert : Shaikh Abu Hamza Al-Misri Attacked in Belmarsh:

It has been reported that on Tuesday 12th January Shaikh Abu Hamza was physically attacked by up to ten guards at Belmarsh Prison. It is alleged that this was after he refused to return to his cell having been victimised over a series of months culminating in the events on Tuesday evening. It is stated that he was beaten and kicked by prison officers, leaving him with bruising and abrasions.

abu-hanger.jpg

By Hetz Shahor at 10:48 PM | Comments |

January 13, 2011

Went To A Hockey Game And A Musical Broke Out...

A little girl was singing the National Anthem at a hockey game, but her microphone cuts off in the middle of the song. The crowd helps her out.

By DMartyr at 01:57 PM | Comments |

November 19, 2010

Yemeni Mens' Volleyball Team Distracted By Hot Chearleader's Sexuality

Hot Chicom sexuality distracts Yemeni mens' team during match against Indonesia.

Bikini-clad cheerleaders have been blamed by the Yemen beach volleyball team for their defeat during the Asian Games.

Yemen beach volleyballer Adeeb Mahfoudh has now accused the squads of being distracting, and partly to blame for their defeat to Indonesia.
"They had an effect on how we played," he said. "I think they had something to do with our losing the match.

But the coach apparently very much enjoyed the game as he says
These girls are very beautiful. With them here, more people will pay attention to beach volleyball," Mr Mahfoudh added.
"If I can, I hope to watch them perform at the next match.
Well I think the Yemeni's can figure out just why the Indonesians were not so distracted

For research purposes I googled Hot Yemeni....

Example Hot Yemeni

vs. Hot Indonesian....

Example Hot Indonesian.

Er, I think that demonstrates for sure why they Yemeni men are so distracted. So to assist in their training I've added some distracting images at the Moisture Farm to help desensitize them. But you Yemeni girls need to pick it up if there is any hope of improvement.

2775038352_c8a5ec26c8_z.jpg
click this distracting image for more distracting images

What did you want anyway?

By Howie at 11:00 AM | Comments |

November 08, 2010

I'm Taking The Ball And Goin Home

Lulz:

Thanks to Breitbart

By Stable Hand at 09:45 AM | Comments |

October 31, 2010

Is There a World Series Going On?

Bottom of the 7th, TEX AB 2 outs
SF 3
TEX 0

Update: Final Score SF 4 TEX 0

For those not in the know, GW was former owner of the Rangers, this was the first time the Rangers have gone to the World Series.

Thinking back, I certainly can't forget another first pitch by GW:

Compare this to Obama's famous 'mom' jeans and girl throw at the 2009 All-Star game

By Stable Hand at 09:49 PM | Comments |

October 16, 2010

Nebraska Cornhuskers?

What was the score again?

hook_em_horns.jpg


Bwahahahahahaha, you've been hooked...again!


By Stable Hand at 06:40 PM | Comments |

August 04, 2010

PETA Protests Chinese Cock Soccer

(Liaoning Province, China) Perpetually-outraged PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) are currently complaining about cock soccer.

The soccer-playing cocks were the idea of Zhang Lijun of China back as she noticed the roosters had a good time when allowed to play with balls (pic).

She started throwing them mini-soccer balls to kick around a few years ago and was amazed how they reacted to them.

The entrepreneur is now organizing and holding mini-tournaments on the ancient streets of Shenyang, which is located in Liaoning province in northeast China.

She stated the roosters don’t take any dives like some of the sport’s prima donnas do and are glad to play for chickenfeed.

PETA President Ingrid Newkirk said the cocks are being exploited and abused.

By at 09:21 AM | Comments |

July 11, 2010

World Cup Cupboard

(Johannesburg, South Africa) Today, the World Cup final will be played (2:30 ET ABC) between Spain and Holland. Neither team has ever won the World Cup.

Handicapping the contest, Paul, the psychic octopus living in a German aquarium and known for accuracy in predicting the outcome of games, has confidently picked Spain to win.



By the way, there are rumors about Paul, the prescient octopus. One rumor is that someone has put out a contract on the life of Paul. Another is that someone has offered to buy Paul for tens of thousands of dollars. No confirmation on either.

In other World Cup news, popular Dutch adult film star, Bobbi Eden, headliner of classics like "Innocent Until Proven Filthy", "Humpalong Cassidy", and others, is undeterred and going all out to show her support for her team from Holland. Eden has offered to provide an intimate blowing of anatomical vuvuzelas of all her Twitter followers if the Netherlands wins the World Cup.

Prior to the announcement, Eden had about 4K followers. Afterward, enthusiasm for the Dutch soccer team exploded and Eden's Twitter account jumped to more than 100,000 followers. Of course, anyone can see Eden's offer is a simple publicity stunt. Imagine that.

However, at the same time, more interest in the outcome has emerged. Eden promises to publish details on how to collect the vuvuzela blow on her Twitter page tomorrow. (more....)

By at 12:19 PM | Comments |

July 09, 2010

Heartache: Fatwa Declares Loud Vuvuzela Against Islam!

I'm torn. On the one hand, anything associated with soccer is clearly ghey. So, good riddance.

On the other hand, these things are pretty much the only thing keeping soccer interesting:

But now, just days before Holland and Spain settle the tournament in the 2010 World Cup final, the UAE’s General Authority of Islamic Affairs and Endowments has finally issued its ruling. If they are loud enough to damage hearing, vuvuzelas are haram. According to fatwa number 11625, the horns can be used only in stadiums if they pose no harm....

“However,” the ruling declares, “importers and traders ... must ensure that its power is not over 100 decibels so as to avoid damaging people’s hearing.”...

The National’s own specimen vuvuzela easily maxed out a sound level meter, which can record up to 126 decibels. Even the quieter horns, rushed out after the first wave of complaints, are only 20 decibels less noisy – still over the limit.

Thanks to Jeff.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:10 PM | Comments |

July 06, 2010

Rapist Mike Tyson Makes Mecca Pilgramage

Since Mike Tyson went to jail for rape, one can only assume he'll fit right into one of the most misogynistic cultures on Earth. But one also wonders if he had committed the crime in Mecca whether he'd even be prosecuted given there weren't two male witnesses. Instead the victim might have been flogged or worse.

You can keep Tyson:

FORMER boxing champion Mike Tyson, who converted to Islam while in jail in the 1990s, is visiting the Muslim holy cities of Mecca and Medina on pilgrimage.

Tyson, who was world heavyweight champion from 1986 to 1990, arrived on Friday in Medina with the Canadian Dawa Association for the umrah, or minor pilgrimage, the newspaper Okaz said.

Paul wants to know whether ears are halal or harem.

That depends on whether the opponent is one of the sons of pigs and apes.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 08:11 PM | Comments |

July 05, 2010

NORK Soccer Team to Coal Mines

Reportedly, North Korea's soccer team is going to be sent to the coal mines as punishment for losing to Portugal in the World Cup competition.

Moon Ki-Nam, a former North Korean coach who fled the country in 2004, told reporters: “The players and coach are rewarded with huge houses when they win. But they have to atone for losing by being sent to work in the coal mines.”
Heh.

By at 02:01 PM | Comments |

June 21, 2010

The Theological Underpinnings of Blowing Up Soccer

The eHadis are busy giving fatwas on why it's okay to blow up World Cup Soccer.

Well, at least me and Osama can agree on one thing: soccer is eeeevil!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 04:22 PM | Comments |

June 18, 2010

We Was Robbed, I Tells Ya!

For all you guys in San Francisco who care about such things, the US was screwed today by a ref and we lost to Slovenia.

I'd admit that I actually like soccer, but I don't want to ruin my rep with the ladies.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 01:10 PM | Comments |

June 17, 2010

Lakers Win One for My Dad!

For my Dad, who was the world's #1 Laker fan!

Pao_gasol_lakers.jpg
Lakers 83 - 79 Celtics

Kobe may have been the MVP for the series, but Pao Gasol was the key player in the game.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:26 PM | Comments |

April 29, 2010

Warrior Games

Good luck to all in the Warrior Games!!

DOD

U.S. Flags Salute Wounded Warrior Athletes

By Samantha L. Quigley
USO

WASHINGTON, April 29, 2010 – The American flags raised over five military installations don’t look any different from the one raised over the U.S. Capitol on any given day, but there is one distinct difference.

These flags will bear the well-wishes of servicemembers stationed around the world for injured soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines and veterans competing in the inaugural Warrior Games in Colorado Springs, Colo., next month.

With the help of the Defense Media Activity and the USO, five American flags found their way to Afghanistan, Germany, Hawaii, Iraq and South Korea, where they were raised over military points of interest. One flew above the USS Arizona in Hawaii, and another over Korea’s demilitarized zone. A third was raised above Germany’s Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. Flags flew over Bagram Airfield, Afghanistan, and Joint Base Balad, Iraq, as well.

Each flag-raising was filmed and will be broadcast with special messages from deployed servicemembers during the Warrior Games opening ceremonies.

For one recipient of a flag, what began as a routine assignment to organize and film the flag-raising turned into much more, especially after he called the Landstuhl public affairs office and explained the project.

“Their response was overwhelming,” said Air Force Tech. Sgt. Leigh Bellinger, who serves with Detachment 4, Air Force News Agency, at Ramstein Air Base, Germany.

The public affairs team in Germany organized a joint-service detail to raise and lower the flag. The detail practiced for more than an hour the day before the actual flag-raising, Bellinger said.

“It was the afternoon of the actual ceremony that it all hit home,” he said. “As I stood in front of those soldiers, Marines, sailors and airmen talking about the flag and the Warrior Games, it hit me -- the importance of what we were doing. This was for our brothers and sisters taking part in the Warrior Games.”

Troops injured in overseas combat zones receive treatment at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center before transport to stateside medical facilities. Landstuhl, therefore, “has special significance for every single wounded warrior taking part in the games,” Bellinger said. “More than likely, they passed through on their way back home from Iraq or Afghanistan.”

Army Staff Sgt. Clinton Carroll, the operations noncommissioned officer in charge for American Forces Network Afghanistan, said the request to fly an American flag wasn’t so unusual.

“Because we are in a combat zone, we are asked to fly lots of American flags for different reasons,” he said. “Each of them has meaning and importance for someone we don’t usually know. This one is unique, because it’s flown specifically for our brothers and sisters in arms and in honor of the sacrifice they have made, some of them here in Afghanistan.”

Carroll asked soldiers of the 82nd Airborne Division if they’d be willing to participate in the ceremony to raise this special flag.

“Not only did they want to do it, but because they are the 82nd, they wanted to do it big,” Carroll said. “They had no issue finding servicemembers to help out with the flag raising … because of the significance of the event. They also wanted to have a formation spelling out ‘USO’ to thank everyone for their dedication to the Warrior Games.”

Carroll had a message for the athletes participating in the Warrior Games, as well.

“I would say to them, regardless of what branch of service they are in, they are heroes to us all,” he said. “I want to wish all the warriors good luck, but I want to especially say, ‘Go Army!’”

Bellinger offered the warrior athletes his best wishes, in the form of “a slow, sharp salute for all my brothers and sisters taking part.”

Nicholas Tovo, DMA’s Hawaii bureau chief, enlisted the help of two wounded warriors who will participate in the Warrior Games to raise the flag over the USS Arizona. Tovo offered a special thanks to everyone who made the flag-raising a success.

“I especially want to thank the servicemembers for participating and everything they have done, and will do, to support our country,” he said.

Once the five flags are back in the United States, members of the Rolling Thunder motorcyclist’s organization will transport them to the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs in time for the Warrior Games opening ceremonies, scheduled for May 10.

Rolling Thunder works to draw attention to prisoner-of-war and missing-in-action issues and veterans causes. The ride will begin May 5 at the site of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attack in New York City, with stops at the Pentagon and Shanksville, Pa., to honor all 9/11 victims.

The Warrior Games begin May 10 and continue through May 14.

Related Sites:
Special Report Warrior Games
Defense Media Activity
Rolling Thunder

God Bless our Wounded Warriors as well as all those serving/served. You are my heroes.

By Stable Hand at 04:34 PM | Comments |

April 05, 2010

Duke Sucks Open Thread

How bad does Duke suck? Imagine Pearl Harbor, but with J-Lo cast as the leading lady opposite Ben Affleck. Yeah, that bad.

Go Butler!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 04:39 PM | Comments |

March 06, 2010

Babes with Guns Are Hotter

Billy Demong, the 2010 Olympic Gold Medalist in Nordic Combined, was interviewed on Fox News Red Eye program (video) this week and he was asked his opinion of which group of athletes had the hottest babes at the Vancouver Olympics.

An admitted "nordic dork," Mr. Demong responded by choosing the women's cross-county skiers as the hottest group of Olympic babes.

"The biathlon skiers, actually. You take a very beautiful endurance athlete [cross-country skier] and give her a gun."
So, there you go. All other things being equal, it seems Mr. Demong thinks that the girls with guns are hotter. Here are some examples for analysis:


  

Yes, I sense hotness but I'm not convinced that other groups of female Olympians aren't just as hot. I'd suggest that the downhill skiers, the skaters, the curlers and others exhibit a comparable level of pulchritude without firearms.

Nevertheless, it seems that a gun in the capable hands of an attractive woman adds something -- a certain undefinable quality, a certain extra. A gun, however, is not a babe-maker.

In any event, this is all an academic exercise. I'm sure that readers have a variety of thoughts about whether babes are hotter with guns.

See extended entry for hot, unarmed Olympic babe. [NSFW]



Danish Olympic Curler Madeleine Dupont

Madeleine Dupont-2.jpg
Madeleine Dupont Calendar Girl

By at 08:53 AM | Comments |

February 17, 2010

Sandcrawler PSA: Don't F*ck With Old Men


Some strong language

I told you not to F*ck with me. LOL!

Hat Tip: KSDK.

What's funny is afterward, after the younger man clearly hit the old man first and gets his face all rearranged, they want to press charges against him for defending himself.

UPDATE by Abu Fatima, don't mess with old women either...LOL


h/t "guest" in comments

By Howie at 10:29 AM | Comments |

January 27, 2010

Sure Thing: Bet on the Colts

I heard that Obama is pulling for the Saints. CockProf sends this in:

Barry placed a call to UK team before the game to thank them for Haiti relief efforts.

He also said they "should be all right" with the USC Gamecocks.

But as we have seen, when the O pulls for you, you may be in trouble.

Go Cocks! Take that, Kensucky!

So, put your money on the Colts. It's sure thing.

Also, he said Cocks.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 01:33 PM | Comments |

December 29, 2009

Endangered Bird Hunted by Arab Sheikhs and Princes

Houbara Bustard.jpg(Karachi, Pakistan) The government of Pakistan apparently won't comply with international regulatory standards protecting endangered species facing extinction.

It appears that some people are just more equal.

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has given permission to 27 dignitaries of the UAE, Qatar, Bahrain and Saudi Arabia to set up hunting camps in 63 districts of all four provinces and hunt the protected and endangered bird, the houbara bustard.

Last month, 10 licences were issued to Arab princes and sheikhs allowing them to bring 470 falcons into the country to hunt the endangered bird.

Houbara bustard is a migratory bird and faces extinction threat.

If this scheme were attempted in the U.S., virtually every animal welfare group on the planet would protest and law enforcers would be making arrests. So far, there has not been one peep from any of them.

By at 04:47 AM | Comments |

September 28, 2009

President Goes to Copenhagen to Lobby for Chicago Olympics

Meanwhile, back in Chi-town:

Chicago might not be the best place for citizens of the world to be wandering around, taking snapshots and asking for directions.

By Bluto10:53 PM | Comments |

September 19, 2009

Smoking Gun: Dallas Cowboys Planned, Covered Up 9/11

Prince Bandar bin Sultan of Saudi Arabia owns a luxery suite at the Cowboys' new stadium. He also has a private jet painted with the team colors of the Cowboys.

Bandar, is a national security advisor to the Saudi king, son of the crown prince, and was the Saudi ambassador to the United States when 9/11 happened.

Who else will be at the inaugural game?

jenna_bush_cowboys.jpg

Also, "Laura Bush said she and George W. Bush will be going to the game on Sunday night."

So, who was really behind 9/11 and the subsequent vast government cover up? The Dallas Cowboys!

Q.E.D. people. Q.E.D.

PS: The point? Go Giants!

UPDATE: It gets worser .......

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:42 AM | Comments |

September 14, 2009

Because USC Couldn't Cover the Spread

Losing a bet just goes to show that a win isn't always a win....

usc sucks Pictures, Images and Photos

Also, I am Mike Pechar's biyatch!

PS: Pssssssst.......

Ohio-State-sucks-castaway.jpg

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:44 AM | Comments |

June 18, 2009

A (Small) Glimmer of Hope For Pontiac Loyalists

General Motors recently announced the sales of the Saturn, Hummer, and Saab brands, but said that the Pontiac brand would cease production sometime in 2010.

A local dealer claims that GM retained the rights to Pontiac in order to resurrect the brand once they are out from under the heavy thumb of Obama.

Their first order of business, if this dream comes to fruition, should be to fire the Pontiac executives who decided to replace the Grand Am and Grand Prix models with ugly Eurostyle blandingmobiles (which don't even have real names).

Classic Grand Prix styling versus hideous Eurostyle blandingmobile replacement pics here.

By Bluto03:31 PM | Comments |

January 18, 2009

Thin Air, Hard Men and Leather Balls

soccer_ball.jpgSince the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra increases and improves blood flow and the muscle-enhancer (pic) hasn't been prohibited by sports regulators, one creative trainer for a Brazilian soccer team has decided to game-test the drug on his players.

The Brazilian Club Gremio is scheduled to play in the thin air of Bolivia at 8,200 feet during the Copa Libertadores Cup games and trainer Alarico Endres will give each player Viagra beforehand in hopes of improved performance.

"I had this illumination by reading a magazine, which wasn't a medical one: so we decided to elaborate this topic with a scientific test, and now we shall also give an indication to the technical commission," he [Endres] said.
A high-scoring game is predicted, presumably with the Viagra-enhanced players forcefully thrusting into opposing territory many times.

On the negative side, some concern has been expressed regarding how the Viagra-users will conceal the medically-intended effect of the drug during play. Perhaps a quick in-and-out training session on an improvised male sports harness is necessary.

Meanwhile, oddsmakers are unsure how to properly handicap the possible "Oh, Fernando! You look MAHVELOUS!" effect on the more progressive participants. It's believed that it will lead to more scoring but nobody is sure whether a team will get points every time a player yells "GOAL!"

By at 06:29 PM | Comments |

November 29, 2008

USC Rips Notre Dame New Hole

Tomorrow's headlines, today!

But seriously, isn't it sad that Notre Dame sucks as bad as they do these days?

PS-Congrats to our Husker fan on their victory over Colorado. Not that you care since, you know, you play for the other team, but did you know Nebraska cheerleader Katie Rockwell is up for some kind of hot cheerleader of the year award or another? Sorry Trolling-for-male-hammer, there's no male cheerleader equivalent.

UPDATE: Ed is at the game twittering it. Expect a lot of expletives since he's a Notre Dame fan.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 04:03 PM | Comments |