January 27, 2010

I heard that Obama is pulling for the Saints. CockProf sends this in:

Barry placed a call to UK team before the game to thank them for Haiti relief efforts.

He also said they "should be all right" with the USC Gamecocks.

But as we have seen, when the O pulls for you, you may be in trouble.

Go Cocks! Take that, Kensucky!

Also, he said Cocks.

December 29, 2009

(Karachi, Pakistan) The government of Pakistan apparently won't comply with international regulatory standards protecting endangered species facing extinction.

It appears that some people are just more equal.

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has given permission to 27 dignitaries of the UAE, Qatar, Bahrain and Saudi Arabia to set up hunting camps in 63 districts of all four provinces and hunt the protected and endangered bird, the houbara bustard.

Last month, 10 licences were issued to Arab princes and sheikhs allowing them to bring 470 falcons into the country to hunt the endangered bird.

Houbara bustard is a migratory bird and faces extinction threat.

September 28, 2009

Meanwhile, back in Chi-town:

Chicago might not be the best place for citizens of the world to be wandering around, taking snapshots and asking for directions.

September 19, 2009

Prince Bandar bin Sultan of Saudi Arabia owns a luxery suite at the Cowboys' new stadium. He also has a private jet painted with the team colors of the Cowboys.

Bandar, is a national security advisor to the Saudi king, son of the crown prince, and was the Saudi ambassador to the United States when 9/11 happened.

Who else will be at the inaugural game?

Also, "Laura Bush said she and George W. Bush will be going to the game on Sunday night."

So, who was really behind 9/11 and the subsequent vast government cover up? The Dallas Cowboys!

Q.E.D. people. Q.E.D.

PS: The point? Go Giants!

UPDATE: It gets worser .......

September 14, 2009

Losing a bet just goes to show that a win isn't always a win....

Also, I am Mike Pechar's biyatch!

PS: Pssssssst.......

June 18, 2009

General Motors recently announced the sales of the Saturn, Hummer, and Saab brands, but said that the Pontiac brand would cease production sometime in 2010.

A local dealer claims that GM retained the rights to Pontiac in order to resurrect the brand once they are out from under the heavy thumb of Obama.

Their first order of business, if this dream comes to fruition, should be to fire the Pontiac executives who decided to replace the Grand Am and Grand Prix models with ugly Eurostyle blandingmobiles (which don't even have real names).

Classic Grand Prix styling versus hideous Eurostyle blandingmobile replacement pics here.

January 18, 2009

Since the erectile dysfunction drug Viagra increases and improves blood flow and the muscle-enhancer (pic) hasn't been prohibited by sports regulators, one creative trainer for a Brazilian soccer team has decided to game-test the drug on his players.

The Brazilian Club Gremio is scheduled to play in the thin air of Bolivia at 8,200 feet during the Copa Libertadores Cup games and trainer Alarico Endres will give each player Viagra beforehand in hopes of improved performance.

"I had this illumination by reading a magazine, which wasn't a medical one: so we decided to elaborate this topic with a scientific test, and now we shall also give an indication to the technical commission," he [Endres] said.

On the negative side, some concern has been expressed regarding how the Viagra-users will conceal the medically-intended effect of the drug during play. Perhaps a quick in-and-out training session on an improvised male sports harness is necessary.

Meanwhile, oddsmakers are unsure how to properly handicap the possible "Oh, Fernando! You look MAHVELOUS!" effect on the more progressive participants. It's believed that it will lead to more scoring but nobody is sure whether a team will get points every time a player yells "GOAL!"

November 29, 2008

Tomorrow's headlines, today!

But seriously, isn't it sad that Notre Dame sucks as bad as they do these days?

PS-Congrats to our Husker fan on their victory over Colorado. Not that you care since, you know, you play for the other team, but did you know Nebraska cheerleader Katie Rockwell is up for some kind of hot cheerleader of the year award or another? Sorry Trolling-for-male-hammer, there's no male cheerleader equivalent.

UPDATE: Ed is at the game twittering it. Expect a lot of expletives since he's a Notre Dame fan.

August 30, 2008

USC killed UVA.

Who do the Huskers play? Western freaking Michigan?

If you're going to play a pansy team at least play one that's in a BCS conference.

I'd call Nebraska a bunch of pussies, but that term is reserved for LSU which consistently has the weakest opener of any top ranked football team.

Next game: (3) USC vs. (2) Ohio State

August 25, 2008

Best Olympic moment ever or what?

Thanks to Scott Thong who has more.

August 22, 2008

As noted last night Stryde Hax has pretty solid evidence that He Kexin is only 14 years old and that the Chinese government has been trying to cover it up as fast as they can. That evidence was collected from saved copies of the official Chinese government sport website which were recently purged in light of the accusations that they have been falsifying the ages of Olympic gymnasts.

The IOC is now investigating the claims.

Blogger triumphalism? Indeed. It's not often, but every now and then "citizen journalists" get things done.

August 21, 2008

A screenshot of an official Chinese government website showing gymnastic medalist He Kexin is only 14 years old, thus disqualifying her from the Olympics.

A hacker and blogger? This guy is my kind of scum. The official website for the "General Administration of Sport in China" purged its records of He Kexin's real birthday after various reports claimed the Olympic gold medalist was really 14 years old, but that didn't stop Stryde Hax from finding an archive of the file.

For a country that sponsors hackers that can break into the DOD's servers, you gotta wonder how it is that they don't know about archive caching? Stryde Hax:

In the Baidu cache, which apparently has not been hit with the scrub brush (yet), two spreadsheets published by the Chinese government on sport.gov.cn both list He Kexin's birthday as 01-01-1994, making her 14 years old. For as long as these links work, you can access the documents directly, either using the directions and screenshots above, or these links: cache1 cache2

So, if and when the Chinese are forced to give up several Olympic medals thank a blogger.

PS: I sent this off to the Sancrawler earlier tonight to see if the other guys would post it, but I think Howie was too drunk and Trollhammer too into some, er, actually, I don't even want to know what Trollhammer was into. Any way, did any one else watch the men's beach volleyball finals tonight? Awesome.

UPDATE: Changed out the image above. Thanks to Max.

August 12, 2008

Reportedly, there are only 10 openly-homosexual athletes out of more than 10,000 competitors at the Beijing Olympics.

It seems to be a rather small number of gays to be part of thousands of trim, toned and muscular young athletes.

April 11, 2008

Allah Akbar weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Thanks to Kafir.

Update: more fun from Vinnie

April 01, 2008

Seriously, it's like Matt Leinart took 28th St. with him to Arizona. I hear this is what life was like for Professor Chaos, back in the day.

Some of these pics of Leinart doing a beer bong with a 20 year old and her friends from ASU were plastered on MySpace. The profile is now set to private, but "The Dirty" got their hands on them before they were hidden from public view.

I dunno, kind of makes me wish I had gone to ASU instead.......

PS: Is it just me, or is that last photo just begging to be Pshopped?

March 18, 2008

Awesome idea for raising funds for our wounded warriors. Sweet looking Jeep.

h/t LGF link thingy.

December 12, 2007

A Turkish lawyer is suing an Italian soccer team because their Jersey has a cross on it which is too Crusaderish.

You can't make this shit up.

December 09, 2007

(Honolulu, Hawaii) Some football fans are showing their gratitude to the U.S. military by giving up their tickets to the Aloha Bowl where East Carolina University plays Boise State on December 23rd. Makes me proud.

East Carolina University football fans are buying tickets to their team's bowl game in Hawaii, but they are donating them to military personnel who expect to spend time there during the Christmas holiday.

Assistant athletic director for ticketing and marketing Scott Wetherbee said ECU wants to be sure someone will sit in its seats for the Sheraton Aloha Bowl on Dec. 23 in Honolulu by buying tickets and donating them to active members of the service.

September 16, 2007

USC 49

Nebraska 31

If you see two guys mowing their lawns in dresses, that would be Vinnie and Mike.

September 10, 2007

Here's a frame from a new video from Islamic Front of the Iraqi Resistance's (JAMI)
"Knights of Iraq: 6" video. Soccer fans around the world should recognize this mujahideen's shirt immediately.

That's Zinedine Yazid Zidane's shirt, the retired French soccer player better known as Zizou who led Franc to a victory in the 1998 world cup. Zidane is of Algerian descent, hence a hero to many in the Arab world.

The JAMI terrorist's have their own website at http://www.jaami.info hosted by Germany's 1&1 Internet. Despite dozens of complaints, they continue to host these terrorists.

Abuse: abuse@schlund.com

May 24, 2007

After going through all the excellent opinions I received on the proper optics for my new Ramington 700 SPS Varmint, I settled on a Leupold VX-III Boone and Crockett 3.5-10X 40mm in matte black, with Leupold STD rings and two-piece mount.

It's now installed on the 700. Photos here.

March 19, 2007

What can I say? I'm a sucker for jokes which simply state the obvious. Thanks to David Lunde for designing and sending the logo to me. I hope that I'm not violating any Chinese copyright law, but I hear that is a bit of an oxymoron.

February 03, 2007

Are you a Bears fan?

Are you a Colts fan?

Me, I have no dog in this hunt, I'm in it for the commercials.

Although, I predict a Bears win, simply because Peyton Manning is the Emperor of Choke.

If you don't like football, feel free to debate the following:

Creation v. Evolution

PC v. Mac

Yadda yadda yadda.

January 11, 2007

Soccer superstar David Bekham is coming to the U.S. To play for my hometown team, the L.A. Galaxy. Why does this remind me of the great Pele fiasco? Sky News:

But he insisted he was not going just for the money, but to make a difference in American sport.

He already has a football school in Los Angeles.

"Soccer is huge everywhere around the world, except in America," he said.

"That's where I want to make a difference with the kids."

Then America woke up the next morning and realized that by 'soccer', the elites trying to force us to become more 'global' in our sports, weren't talking about that game where the hot chicks wail on each other. No, that's 'foxy boxing'. Soccer is that game where they run up and down the field. Occasionally, the ball goes in the net. Oh, that soccer.

If Major League Soccer was a stock, I'd buy now. For the next year or two we'll be hearing a lot about how America has 'evolved' and that this new soccer phenom 'is a sign that the Bush go-it-alone' era is finally over. Then, with nary a headline from the media, MLS will go bankrupt. About this time next year, I'd be selling short.

I'm sure that it will be explained the same way the Pele bust was: we just weren't ready for soccer. Just another way for the cosmopolitan elite to remind flyover country of their utter disdain for us.

Most Americans find soccer as exciting as baseball. But baseball is our sport. So we're willing to pretend to like it. America's favorite boring sport is a patriotic duty. But the only thing Americans love more than hating Europeans is hating their boring sports.

The upside? L.A. hotels should look forward to an increase in business. The number of paparazzi looking to get a candid upskirt of Mrs. David Bekham, Victoria "Posh Spice" (are they still together?), must be in the thousands by now. And the chance that Bekham will have an affair with Brittney Spears or Paris Hilton is near certainty. I mean, what young celeb hasn't doinked at least one of them? But after a few weeks I'm sure our domestic paparazzi will come to dominate the Bekham sighting shots.

So, welcome to America David Bekham. Enjoy your short-lived fame. But I'd cash that Galaxy check as soon as possible. And make sure they send you a roundtrip ticket.

UPDATE: Let me also add the reason why soccer can never, and I mean never, be a commercial success in the U.S. Commercials. Unlike our other boring sport, baseball, soccer has no time-outs. No in-between times like in football. Just two halves. No room for commercials. And let's face it, the real money--the kind that will cover Bekham's $180 million salary, has to come from TV. No commercials, no big TV contracts.

December 02, 2006

Any one want to buy two tickets to the BCS championship?

The only thing that will keep me from committing suicide? Go Huskers!

Yeah, I know it's petty. But you've got to live for something.....

November 25, 2006

That's right. You heard it hear first. Trojans beat the Irish. Give or take 3 points.

This time we'll win without Reggie Bush's nudge.

And, as long as we're making predictions, I'm thinking I might get myself an early Christmas present. Better yet, maybe a once overzealous and now soon to be depressed Michigan fan has a ticket that he will no longer be needing?

But if I'm going to go to the game, I'm going to need some cash. Mostly for the brauts. I can eat a lot of brauts. Two words: Tip. Jar.

Oh, and what was all that 'hook 'em horns' stuff in the last set of comments about college football? Bwahahaha!

A big shout out is also necessary to the LSU Tigers. Yeah, I know the LSU victory over Arkansas doesn't help Southern Cal in the strength of schedule area.....but it feels so nice!

But I will be crossing my fingers for the Razorbacks come the SEC championship game. Just to shut all the SEC fans up. Shut up already!

I have nothing to say about that one game. You. Won't. Get. The. Satisfaction.

But, heh!

And just to make this relevant to all of you "this has nothing to do with the war on terror" naysayers: If USC loses the terrorists have already won.

Think about it.

Update by Vinnie: I don't need that satisfaction. I'm going to this, and I didn't have to beg for donations to get there. Peasant.

UPDATE by Rusty: I hate being wrong. Mwuhahahahahahaha!!!

October 28, 2006

USC loses.

John 11:35

October 06, 2006

Tomorrow's headline's today. Home game. Easy win.

Look for a weak Oklahama to put up a marginal fight against a Texas team that shouldn't be ranked in the top 10. The real interesting game will be Michigan vs. Michigan State.

September 23, 2006

Tomorrow's headlines today!

So, who will be in the BCS championship this year?

Prediction:

Auburn vs. USC

Sorry, but Ohio State looked pretty weak today.

Nebraska is playing....Troy State?

September 16, 2006

You win this round, Rusty, but they come to our house next year.

According to the latest line from the handicappers in Las Vegas, USC is laying 17 points to Nebraska. The over/under is 56. Take the points with Nebraska for a sure win. Game time is 8 pm EDT.

However, USC is sorely distracted by the Reggie Bush allegations so the door is open for a Husker surprise. Final score: Nebraska 28, USC 27.

For the sake of full disclosure, I'm originally from Nebraska. A bias is conceivable. Go Big Red!

[Update]

Oops!

USC 28 - Nebraska 10

September 15, 2006

Who needs the comment section?

The outcome isn't in doubt. The only question is how much did this year's USC running back cost?

An eight-month probe uncovers evidence that Reggie Bush and his family appear to have accepted improper benefits from prospective agents while at USC.

Tomorrow's headlines today. Only at The Jawa Report.

Reader poll: How bad will USC beat Nebraska tomorrow? Leave your answer in the 'new comment thingy' below. Unless you're Vinnie. In which case you better stop wasting time commenting and begin drinking immediately. It's gonna take more than a little buzz to get through tomorrow's ass pounding.

September 01, 2006

Tomorrow's headlines, today!

Why even bother watching the game? Unless your an Arkansas massochist or an Southern Cal sadist. So, color me a sadist!

I mean, can I get even one person to bet on Arkansas? And I mean a straight up bet, not a cover-the-spread bet? Didn't think so.

If I'm not back til Monday it's because I'm already celebrating tomorrow's inevetable victory.

September 16th's Headline, today: Nebraska cornholed at Colliseum: Quarterback PWND, in traction. Coach fired after feminists complain about comments that he 'enjoyed the collective and figurative gang rape'.

July 21, 2006

Perfect for losing those pesky electromagnetic ninjas.

Sure as hell blows the doors off the Prius in the looks department.

(Props to Instapundit.)

July 20, 2006

Well, after Ullrich and Basso were ousted from the Tour de France for doping I figured it wouldn't be very interesting this year. So I haven't been paying attention... until Tuesday. Suddenly Floyd Landis took the lead from Oscar Pereiro by 10 seconds on the climb up L'Alp d'Huez, and I figured: "Can it be that we've got another US cycling champion on the order of Lemond and Armstrong?" Then Flandis had the dreaded "bad day", and on one stage dropped over eight minutes behind the lead, to 11th place. The other American, Leipheiemer, was ahead of him in 9th, but still over 7 minutes behind. No one has ever come back from that kind of deficit this far into the race, to win the GC (General Classification). (Strictly speaking it has happened, but not for a very long time.) Failure, quagmire, time to pull out and "acknowledge reality". But Flandis was, curiously, still smiling...

Today his team helped him take the lead early in the race, and with 25 km to go they were still over 7 minutes ahead of the main group (peleton). But my "inner Cindy" argued that they'd never be able to keep that lead for 25 km. Behold, Floyd crossed the finish line over five minutes ahead of everyone else in the field! Not just a stage victory, but an unprecedented victory! My inner Cindy was mortified.

Landis is currently only 30 seconds behind the lead, Pereiro, in the GC. Tomorrow's stage is flat, so things are unlikely to change, but the individual time trial, or what many have called the "race of truth", is Saturday. And for the first time in many years the final TT will probably decide who wins the TdF. And for the eighth year in a row, it may well be an American!

[See relevant video here.
And see Charles Johnson's posts on Flandis here, here, and here.]

July 04, 2006

I haven't been back to USA in years. I've been watching UFC reruns for the last year, starting with UFC 15 or so and up to UFC 45. I gotta ask: is this white trash viewing? What do Americans think of UFC?

July 01, 2006

England's best striker, Wayne Rooney, was just given a red card and kicked out of the game for a small push against Portuguese player Christian Renaldo. Not a punch, not a kick, not even a shove, just a push.

That has probably sunk England's chances of being one of the last 4 teams in the tournament. If they do make it to the next round, Rooney will be suspended automatically for that game, as well.

Portugal is one of those teams that spends most of its time laying on the ground, writing in feigned agony after the slightest touch. And Christian Renaldo is one of the worst.

Liveblogging here, for anyone who is interested.

Rooney and Renaldo are team mates on Manchester United when not playing for their nations. The locker room should be interesting when these 2 see each other next.

0-0 in overtime now.

England holds Portugal scoreless for 61 minutes with 1 less man. Now we are going to penalty kicks to decide the winner.

Portugal's first kick: goal.
England: save.
Portugal miss off the woodwork!
England: goal, ticked off the keeper's hand! Tied at 1-1.
Portugal: save by the keeper!
England: save by the keeper.
Portugal: goal, the keeper never moved. 2-1 Portugal.
England: goal...referee waives it off, he wasn't ready. Re-kick: Miss.
Portugal: Goal. Portugal wins 3-1 on penalty kicks.

June 29, 2006

The Canadians have found a way to re-grow teeth and repair jawbones.

June 15, 2006

A miraculous story from SportsPickle:

Moments after a slide tackle dropped him to the ground and left him writhing in pain with what seemed to be a broken femur or some other serious injury, Paraguayan midfielder Christian Riveros popped up and continued playing after referee Hans Kimmel failed to produce a yellow card.
“It’s amazing. I see it all the time in matches,” said Kimmel, a longtime referee. “I seem to have the power to heal serious injuries simply by deciding if the felled player was taken down legally or illegally. I can’t explain it, but I guess you could call me a miracle worker.”

I'm glad they got tough on this stuff a few years ago. The diving and whining and whinging is mostly absent from the English league but still happens in every Central and South American match I watch.

(What? Yeah, I'm American. You want me to watch Asian golf tournaments, 9-ball pool, and 90lb weightclass boxing all day? Of course I watch soccer. And rugby. And cricket. Want to make something of it?)