February 27, 2015

RIP Mr. Spock


I Am Not Spock proclaimed the title of Leonard Nimoy's 1975 autobiography, in which the veteran actor tried to distinguish himself from his most iconic role, as Star Trek's emotionless half-human, half-Vulcan science officer. Twenty years later, he published a follow-up entitled, I Am Spock, in which the actor-director warmly embraced his pointy-eared alter ego. Like it or not, Nimoy — who passed away on Feb. 27 at the age of 83 from end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease — was Spock to generations of sci-fi fans, so much so that when J.J. Abrams rebooted the franchise in the 2009 blockbuster, Nimoy was the one original cast member he made sure to bring back.

By Howie at 01:03 PM | Comments |

February 10, 2015

Downfall Brian Williams Edition

Hat Tip: John.

By Howie at 03:40 PM | Comments |

February 07, 2015

Sandcrawler Intermission: Trust Your Feelings

Let go!

By Howie at 09:08 AM | Comments |

February 03, 2015

Randy Quaid LOL

Cousin Eddie bangs Rupert.

Hat Tip: Ben.

By Howie at 04:13 PM | Comments |

January 27, 2015

Sandcrawler Intermission: Making Fun of Arabs For No Particular Reason

I mean why not, if not for them life would be dull, no?

In the interest of diversity we shall now make fun of Hindus and Sikhs at the same time. Mainly because we can't tell them apart.

AliBaba Bunny from Ute on Vimeo.

And last but not least those pesky Crusading Cross Worshipers!

I hope the Cross Worshipers don't kill me!

By Howie at 06:31 PM | Comments |

Jawa Present Must See Fatwad Films

Films for Phobes via Zip:

300: Rise of Empire – Film

American Sniper – Film

Amira & Sam – Film

Dracula Untold – Film

Exodus: Gods and Kings – Film

Honor Diaries – Film

Oppressed Majority – Film

RoboCop (2014) – Film

Enjoy the phobic arts today!

By Howie at 09:32 AM | Comments |

January 16, 2015

Sandcrawler PSA: Breaking! Apocalypse Postponed

United Press International's twitter feed has been hijacked.

This is not the end of the world we're looking for, move along. Move along.

The George Washington was just in port at Yokosuka, Japan.

NY Post twitter also hijacked.

By Howie at 01:22 PM | Comments |

January 15, 2015

Pope Francis' Momma is So Fat...

...when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Bah dum bump!

On Thursday, while aboard the papal plane, Pope Francis said there are limits to freedom of expression, especially when it insults or ridicules someone’s faith.

If my good friend Dr. Gasparri says a curse word against my mother, he can expect a punch, Francis said.

Is it just me or is there some slight difference between a giving a person fat lip and the murder of 12 people plus some random Jews?

By Howie at 12:57 PM | Comments |

January 13, 2015

Teacher 23 Totally Rapes Student 18

The poor poor guy!

Jessica Bonnet Acker a 23 year old high school teacher at Bryant High in Cottondale, Alabama has been accused of having sex with an eighteen year old student, just seven months after marrying her husband.


The teachers’ arrest would come after authorities came to be tipped off that Acker was in the throes of a relationship with one of her pupils. Both Acker and the student in question would be interviewed before a warrant for Acker’s arrest was issued. Acker would in turn surrender to authorities the next day.

I mean for the husband, who married the whore.

But 18 and 23 rape? Inappropriate, and probably a policy violation. But is that rape the first or the 70th time or both?

I mean I can hear the victim's testimony now...

So you had sex with Mrs Acker? And then again and again and again?

Yeah it was awesome dude! She's a totally righteous babe!

Kids probably don't say righteous babe anymore do they?

By Howie at 08:32 AM | Comments |

January 12, 2015

New Charlie Hebdo Issue

Buy it here.

By Howie at 09:15 PM | Comments |

January 10, 2015

Anti-Police Activist Experiences Shoot or Don't Shoot Police Training Exercise

He finds himself in simulated life and death situations. Unbelievably, people in comments still complain about his use of force.

More details at Legal Insurrection.

By DMartyr at 09:19 AM | Comments |

January 09, 2015

Oooooh! Ahhhh!


A truck carrying 44,000 pounds of fireworks exploded during the massive pile-up on I-94 in Kalamazoo County Friday.

On the down side one person was killed and several injured in the pileup, but none in the fire or the explosion of the fireworks truck.

By Howie at 04:25 PM | Comments |

January 08, 2015

Shocking News! Islamists Totally Not Progressive!

Um, duh.

Daily Beast:

Bill Maher didn’t hold back Wednesday night, blasting “hundreds of millions” of the world’s Muslims for allegedly supporting the Islamic terrorist massacre of cartoonists, writers, and editors at a Parisian satirical magazine that has mocked the Prophet Muhammad.

“I know most Muslim people would not have carried out an attack like this,” the host of HBO’s Real Time With Bill Maher said on ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live. “But here’s the important point: Hundreds of millions of them support an attack like this. They applaud an attack like this. What they say is, ‘We don’t approve of violence, but you know what? When you make fun of the Prophet, all bets are off.”

Maher then went back to bashing Bill Cosby as not funny.

Speaking of not very funny, Bill Maher.

Cosby, funny, and he could do it without resorting to foul language.

By Howie at 08:48 AM | Comments |

January 06, 2015

We're Doomed!

What you'll see on CNN when SMOD fianlly arrives.

hirty-four years ago, at the launch of Ted Turner's Cable News Network, the founder made a grandiose and specific promise about his newly created round-the-clock operation. "Barring satellite problems, we won't be signing off until the world ends," Turner declared. And in anticipation, he prepared a final video segment for the apocalypse:

No seriously, doomed.

He estimates that two orange dwarf stars, GL 710 and Hip 86505, could start messing with comet orbits as they approach our solar system. If they get close enough, their gravitational pull would send a torrent of comets our way and greatly increase the likelihood of an Earth-shattering kaboom.

By Howie at 11:30 AM | Comments |

January 02, 2015


Donna Douglas has passed away.

Donna Douglas, the actress who won over TV viewers as Elly May Clampett on “The Beverly Hillbillies,” has died. She was 81.

The star’s granddaughter told TMZ Douglas died in her Louisiana home surrounded by friends and family.

The cause of death was pancreatic cancer, her niece told The Associated Press.

By Howie at 03:29 PM | Comments |

December 26, 2014

Ministry of Entertaining The Masses: The Interview

Rusty probably can't watch it because the sight hot Asian chick's bare breasts make him throw up, but then again everything make Rusty throw up.

By Howie at 08:29 AM | Comments |

November 23, 2014

Sith Ladies Sing!

Sith Lordettes? Sith Ladies? Sith Duchesses? (mumble not evil enough mumble)

Sith Mistresses!

Yeah that's the ticket.

By Howie at 08:49 PM | Comments |

November 19, 2014


I do the same thing whenever they tell me I can't have a double quarter pounder with cheese at 10:29.

Video shot at 52nd and Chestnut in West Philadelphia last week shows two women who apparently missed the 10:30 a.m. breakfast cut-off and their shot at McGriddle sandwiches.

By Howie at 10:36 AM | Comments |

November 13, 2014

Fatwa This! Break The Internet Edition

Does this flag make my ass look fat?

Yes, yes it does.

But anyway, congratulations to Kim for finally making Jawa Report.

There's a first and last time for everything. Consider this both.

By Howie at 07:41 PM | Comments |

November 12, 2014

Oh My!

Cold busteded.

By Howie at 08:31 AM | Comments |

November 10, 2014

Downfall Midterms Edition II

By Howie at 10:42 PM | Comments |

Ministry of Trolls: Soulless Gingers Still Seeking Justice

Some memes are immortal, let this be one of them.


By Howie at 09:35 PM | Comments |

November 03, 2014

100% Absolute Proof Darwin Was Wrong

By Howie at 12:13 PM | Comments |

October 30, 2014

Spooky Vlad's Dungeon

See the thing that made Vlad so spooky was Sultan Murad. It was the forced conversion from the Catholic Faith to Islam and the witness of the utter brutality of the Ottomans that lead Vlad to such extremes as he fought in the crusade against the Ottomans.

For if one is to defeat such murderous brutality once must be willing to take it to a whole nother level.

During an outdoor festival of St. Bartholomew at Sibiu, Dracula had 20,000 citizens arrested and spiked in one afternoon. Claiming that they were either treacherous bourgeoisie, or supporters of that element, he had them - men, women and infants - impaled on the outskirts of a neighboring forest. As was his custom, he had his servants draw up a solitary dining table of fine food and wine so that he might enjoy his lunch by watching the tortures at close range. He occasionally had a servant dip his bread in the blood of the dying souls so that he could savor the taste of life. (Is it a wonder that Stoker was inspired?)

It was at this function that he espied one of his knights holding his nose at the repugnant smell of death permeating the air. When he asked the soldier if he was making fun of the situation, the fellow stammered, "No, my lord, my stomach churns, but -" and he quickly added, "I am not of the stout heart that my prince be."

"But, why would I want in my service a man who cannot look at death without regurgitating? Death is a soldier's livelihood!" And with that, he called to his bodyguards to impale the feeble fellow. "Let him join these others, but because he had been loyal until today, hoist him higher than the rest that he does not have to smell his company!"

By Howie at 08:11 AM | Comments |

October 12, 2014

Open Thread - 4 Minutes

Tonight is the season 5 premier of The Walking Dead. Don't expect much from me today, as I plan to watch the rest of the marathon and then the season opener.

AMC released this teaser, the first four minutes of tonight's episode:

In case you haven't figured it out yet, the zombies are not the "Walking Dead." It's the survivors who are the walking dead.

By DMartyr at 11:30 AM | Comments |

October 01, 2014

US Man Goes To Fight With The Yazidis

The Yazidis have endured horrible human rights abuses at the hands of the Islamic State. Women and children have been raped, tortured, and sold into slavery. But despite the horrors they have endured, they are fighting back.

And now, they are getting some help from Americans.

A US citizen, Jordan Matson, has joined the YPG ranks in order to fight against ISIS gangs, receiving the code-name "Serdar".

Matson was slightly injured when a mortar shell landed near him in a clash in which 8 ISIS gang members were killed. Matson says he is very content with the attention he receives in the YPG. US citizen from Wisconsin has joined the YPG ranks, which already includes many people from different ethnic groups in Syria and the Middle East in general.

'I involved in the struggle with my unit for a week'

Matson says he had informed himself about the struggle of the YPG against the ISIS gangs through the internet in recent times, although he already had information about the Kurdish people. Matson says he decided to join the YPG as he preferred to do something rather than nothing. Matson says the YPG is a bigger organisation than he previously thought it to be and adds that he is happy that he has gained acceptance so quickly in the YPG. Matson says he has been involved in the struggle with his unit for a week, adding that he has started to learn Kurdish.

We hear every day about western Muslims traveling to join terrorists, so it's nice to see this brave young man going to fight against those Islamic Savages.

(Hat Tip: Gateway Pundit)

"Peaceful" Muslims Joined ISIS Slaughter Of Yazidis
Moderate Arab Muslims Help ISIS Recapture Yazidis Slaves
ISIS Soldier Flee In Fear Of New Kurd Army

By DMartyr at 07:28 PM | Comments |

September 23, 2014

PETA Takes Their Message To Muslims in India

And a good time was had by all, kinda sorta

BHOPAL: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' (Peta) first shot at religious activism — a call to Muslims to observe a vegetarian Eid this October — has misfired. It met with violent protests here on Monday.

One policeman was injured and a Peta volunteer roughed up by protestors, which included women, and later whisked away by Bhopal police.

Peta woman volunteer "Benazir Suraiya" attempted to make an appeal to Muslims to go vegetarian at the legendary Taj-ul-Masajid, said to be one of Asia's largest mosques.

Camouflaged in a green hijab, to highlight the importance of vegetarianism, she walked towards the mosque gates with a couple of PETA volunteers holding a placard in Urdu and English which read: "Make Eid Happy for All. Try Vegan".

With less than a dozen policemen deployed, locals took the opportunity and shouted slogans asking her to turn back. She was forced to take cover along with another PETA volunteer in the market outside the mosque.

Within minutes the crowd swelled and Suraiya was left to fend for herself as PETA supporters fled the scene. "We are going to get a taxi for Suraiya. Police has been called for support too," said PETA volunteer Divya.

Bhopal-based PETA volunteer Akash said, "Girls were being targeted so they left the scene. Is Suraiya still there?" CSP police Sunil Patihar reached the spot to take control of the situation. According to PETA, Suraiya works for the group as its media and celebrity projects specialist. Sources said she is based in Mumbai and the group networked the event through volunteers in Bhopal and Indore.

{Read it all]

Gotta hand it to them for doing this.


By Stable Hand at 06:49 PM | Comments |

September 16, 2014

And Now Jawa Report Introduces... Bridge Porn!

You've never heard of Bridge Porn have you?

I'll have what she's having.

By Howie at 08:59 AM | Comments |

September 14, 2014

Joan Rivers Banned Michelle Obama From Funeral


Of course, the Obamas would never waste time attending the funerals of soldiers, Jews, or patriots anyway.

Actress, writer, producer and television host Joan Rivers made a list of people that she did not want to attend her funeral before she passed on Sept. 4. That list included first lady Michelle Obama.

In an interview with the The Sunday Times Magazine, Rivers said did she did not want Obama at her funeral and labeled her a "tranny."

This is not the first time Rivers has made negative comments about Obama. At a signing for her new book Diary of a Mad Diva at a Barnes & Noble in New York City, a reporter asked Rivers what she thought about possibly having a first gay president. Rivers replied by saying, "We already have it with Obama, so let's just calm down. You know Michelle is a tranny." (Source)

(Thanks, Bubbe!)

By DMartyr at 08:57 PM | Comments |

September 11, 2014

Jaws Dies

Richard Kiel is best known for his role as "Jaws," a villain in the James Bond movie The Spy Who Loved Me. Richard was 74.



By DMartyr at 12:06 AM | Comments |

September 04, 2014

Rest In Peace Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers has died, as you recall she stopped breathing during an endoscopy last week. One tweet I read said at the time, "At least she died doing something she loved." A joke I'm sure Joan would have appreciated.


Comedian and entertainer Joan Rivers died on Thursday at the age of 81.

"My mother's greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon," her daughter Melissa said in a statement.

On Tuesday, the family confirmed she was on life support at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan after going into cardiac arrest last Thursday.


By Howie at 02:01 PM | Comments |

August 15, 2014

Firing Comcast Harder Than You Think

I have a headache, glad when I fired them I had a good excuse handy and a note from my mommy. And also their internet sucked unless you let them rape you for it.

Headache warning.

Recently, a now-former Comcast customer called to disconnect his family’s service for reasons that are frankly none of anyone’s business. What followed was a nightmarish descent into the bowels of salesperson Hell.

By Howie at 09:23 AM | Comments |

Whoah Baby! Look at That Spider!

Man, that thing is huge!

By Howie at 07:07 AM | Comments |

August 11, 2014

Sigh, Robin Williams RIP

Robin Williams apparently killed himself today.

In addition to his hilarity, he was a huge supporter of the troops.

UPDATE By DMartyr: Retreat? Not Robin.

UPDATE II By DMartyr: Robin Williams on 'jihad':

More Robin Williams. Irish raccoons... Hahaha!

By Vinnie at 08:02 PM | Comments |

August 07, 2014

Hypocrisy Over Gaza

Pat Condell, once again, nails it.

By DMartyr at 03:59 PM | Comments |

August 06, 2014

Did Space Aliens Start Fires Near SETI?

Are fires near SETI Institute's Allen Telescope Array intentionally set by Space Aliens in order to prevent SETI from detecting their presence?

Wildfires raging in Northern California briefly halted the search for extraterrestrial life on Tuesday.
The Eiler Fire, burning some 200 miles north of Sacramento, forced employees at the SETI Institute's Allen Telescope Array to evacuate and temporarily shut down all of their computers, Internet and power.

"We can't listen when all that is down," said Seth Shostak, senior astronomer and director of SETI Research.

At SETI -- which stands for Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence -- scientists search the heavens for signs of extraterrestrial life by "listening" with an array of small satellite dishes.

The blaze came within a mile of the facility, located near Hat Creek, California, on both the east and west, according to Shostak.

"The fire on the west had jumped the road, burnt down our favorite lunch place, got within a mile of the telescopes," he said. As the flames got closer, the staff fled to safer ground and shut down the satellites.

*Just asking questions people, just asking questions.

I mean its a plausible that none of the fires, not a single one, zero, zilch where started by a Jihadi reading the last issue on Inspire on the Matchbox Jihad that the press won't tell you about. Is it not?

By Howie at 09:22 AM | Comments |

August 04, 2014

Google Removed Bomb Gaza App

Because, you know. CAIR/Hamas.


Bomb terrorists/avoid civilians. Seems harmless enough.

Although by the time I found out it existed Google had removed the app.

But there's still plenty of apps that don't cause offense. Like the ones supporting Hamas or where the game involves bombing Jooooos!

Gaza Hero. or Gaza Missiles Assassins or Gaza Defender

Or the latest news from the specially designated terrorist entity known as Hamas.

Al-Qassam HAMAS.


There's even an app for Palestinian Islamic Jihad, who's Egyptian branch founded al-Qaeda.

Personally if you're doing your bombing on the small screen I call that a appropriate outlet for your frustrations. Lord knows how many Space Bastards I've killed.

By Howie at 01:39 PM | Comments |