November 23, 2014

Sith Ladies Sing!

Sith Lordettes? Sith Ladies? Sith Duchesses? (mumble not evil enough mumble)

Sith Mistresses!

Yeah that's the ticket.

By Howie at 08:49 PM | Comments |

November 19, 2014


I do the same thing whenever they tell me I can't have a double quarter pounder with cheese at 10:29.

Video shot at 52nd and Chestnut in West Philadelphia last week shows two women who apparently missed the 10:30 a.m. breakfast cut-off and their shot at McGriddle sandwiches.

By Howie at 10:36 AM | Comments |

November 13, 2014

Fatwa This! Break The Internet Edition

Does this flag make my ass look fat?

Yes, yes it does.

But anyway, congratulations to Kim for finally making Jawa Report.

There's a first and last time for everything. Consider this both.

By Howie at 07:41 PM | Comments |

November 12, 2014

Oh My!

Cold busteded.

By Howie at 08:31 AM | Comments |

November 10, 2014

Downfall Midterms Edition II

By Howie at 10:42 PM | Comments |

Ministry of Trolls: Soulless Gingers Still Seeking Justice

Some memes are immortal, let this be one of them.


By Howie at 09:35 PM | Comments |

November 03, 2014

100% Absolute Proof Darwin Was Wrong

By Howie at 12:13 PM | Comments |

October 30, 2014

Spooky Vlad's Dungeon

See the thing that made Vlad so spooky was Sultan Murad. It was the forced conversion from the Catholic Faith to Islam and the witness of the utter brutality of the Ottomans that lead Vlad to such extremes as he fought in the crusade against the Ottomans.

For if one is to defeat such murderous brutality once must be willing to take it to a whole nother level.

During an outdoor festival of St. Bartholomew at Sibiu, Dracula had 20,000 citizens arrested and spiked in one afternoon. Claiming that they were either treacherous bourgeoisie, or supporters of that element, he had them - men, women and infants - impaled on the outskirts of a neighboring forest. As was his custom, he had his servants draw up a solitary dining table of fine food and wine so that he might enjoy his lunch by watching the tortures at close range. He occasionally had a servant dip his bread in the blood of the dying souls so that he could savor the taste of life. (Is it a wonder that Stoker was inspired?)

It was at this function that he espied one of his knights holding his nose at the repugnant smell of death permeating the air. When he asked the soldier if he was making fun of the situation, the fellow stammered, "No, my lord, my stomach churns, but -" and he quickly added, "I am not of the stout heart that my prince be."

"But, why would I want in my service a man who cannot look at death without regurgitating? Death is a soldier's livelihood!" And with that, he called to his bodyguards to impale the feeble fellow. "Let him join these others, but because he had been loyal until today, hoist him higher than the rest that he does not have to smell his company!"

By Howie at 08:11 AM | Comments |

October 12, 2014

Open Thread - 4 Minutes

Tonight is the season 5 premier of The Walking Dead. Don't expect much from me today, as I plan to watch the rest of the marathon and then the season opener.

AMC released this teaser, the first four minutes of tonight's episode:

In case you haven't figured it out yet, the zombies are not the "Walking Dead." It's the survivors who are the walking dead.

By DMartyr at 11:30 AM | Comments |

October 01, 2014

US Man Goes To Fight With The Yazidis

The Yazidis have endured horrible human rights abuses at the hands of the Islamic State. Women and children have been raped, tortured, and sold into slavery. But despite the horrors they have endured, they are fighting back.

And now, they are getting some help from Americans.

A US citizen, Jordan Matson, has joined the YPG ranks in order to fight against ISIS gangs, receiving the code-name "Serdar".

Matson was slightly injured when a mortar shell landed near him in a clash in which 8 ISIS gang members were killed. Matson says he is very content with the attention he receives in the YPG. US citizen from Wisconsin has joined the YPG ranks, which already includes many people from different ethnic groups in Syria and the Middle East in general.

'I involved in the struggle with my unit for a week'

Matson says he had informed himself about the struggle of the YPG against the ISIS gangs through the internet in recent times, although he already had information about the Kurdish people. Matson says he decided to join the YPG as he preferred to do something rather than nothing. Matson says the YPG is a bigger organisation than he previously thought it to be and adds that he is happy that he has gained acceptance so quickly in the YPG. Matson says he has been involved in the struggle with his unit for a week, adding that he has started to learn Kurdish.

We hear every day about western Muslims traveling to join terrorists, so it's nice to see this brave young man going to fight against those Islamic Savages.

(Hat Tip: Gateway Pundit)

"Peaceful" Muslims Joined ISIS Slaughter Of Yazidis
Moderate Arab Muslims Help ISIS Recapture Yazidis Slaves
ISIS Soldier Flee In Fear Of New Kurd Army

By DMartyr at 07:28 PM | Comments |

September 23, 2014

PETA Takes Their Message To Muslims in India

And a good time was had by all, kinda sorta

BHOPAL: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' (Peta) first shot at religious activism — a call to Muslims to observe a vegetarian Eid this October — has misfired. It met with violent protests here on Monday.

One policeman was injured and a Peta volunteer roughed up by protestors, which included women, and later whisked away by Bhopal police.

Peta woman volunteer "Benazir Suraiya" attempted to make an appeal to Muslims to go vegetarian at the legendary Taj-ul-Masajid, said to be one of Asia's largest mosques.

Camouflaged in a green hijab, to highlight the importance of vegetarianism, she walked towards the mosque gates with a couple of PETA volunteers holding a placard in Urdu and English which read: "Make Eid Happy for All. Try Vegan".

With less than a dozen policemen deployed, locals took the opportunity and shouted slogans asking her to turn back. She was forced to take cover along with another PETA volunteer in the market outside the mosque.

Within minutes the crowd swelled and Suraiya was left to fend for herself as PETA supporters fled the scene. "We are going to get a taxi for Suraiya. Police has been called for support too," said PETA volunteer Divya.

Bhopal-based PETA volunteer Akash said, "Girls were being targeted so they left the scene. Is Suraiya still there?" CSP police Sunil Patihar reached the spot to take control of the situation. According to PETA, Suraiya works for the group as its media and celebrity projects specialist. Sources said she is based in Mumbai and the group networked the event through volunteers in Bhopal and Indore.

{Read it all]

Gotta hand it to them for doing this.


By Stable Hand at 06:49 PM | Comments |

September 16, 2014

And Now Jawa Report Introduces... Bridge Porn!

You've never heard of Bridge Porn have you?

I'll have what she's having.

By Howie at 08:59 AM | Comments |

September 14, 2014

Joan Rivers Banned Michelle Obama From Funeral


Of course, the Obamas would never waste time attending the funerals of soldiers, Jews, or patriots anyway.

Actress, writer, producer and television host Joan Rivers made a list of people that she did not want to attend her funeral before she passed on Sept. 4. That list included first lady Michelle Obama.

In an interview with the The Sunday Times Magazine, Rivers said did she did not want Obama at her funeral and labeled her a "tranny."

This is not the first time Rivers has made negative comments about Obama. At a signing for her new book Diary of a Mad Diva at a Barnes & Noble in New York City, a reporter asked Rivers what she thought about possibly having a first gay president. Rivers replied by saying, "We already have it with Obama, so let's just calm down. You know Michelle is a tranny." (Source)

(Thanks, Bubbe!)

By DMartyr at 08:57 PM | Comments |

September 11, 2014

Jaws Dies

Richard Kiel is best known for his role as "Jaws," a villain in the James Bond movie The Spy Who Loved Me. Richard was 74.



By DMartyr at 12:06 AM | Comments |

September 04, 2014

Rest In Peace Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers has died, as you recall she stopped breathing during an endoscopy last week. One tweet I read said at the time, "At least she died doing something she loved." A joke I'm sure Joan would have appreciated.


Comedian and entertainer Joan Rivers died on Thursday at the age of 81.

"My mother's greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon," her daughter Melissa said in a statement.

On Tuesday, the family confirmed she was on life support at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan after going into cardiac arrest last Thursday.


By Howie at 02:01 PM | Comments |

August 15, 2014

Firing Comcast Harder Than You Think

I have a headache, glad when I fired them I had a good excuse handy and a note from my mommy. And also their internet sucked unless you let them rape you for it.

Headache warning.

Recently, a now-former Comcast customer called to disconnect his family’s service for reasons that are frankly none of anyone’s business. What followed was a nightmarish descent into the bowels of salesperson Hell.

By Howie at 09:23 AM | Comments |

Whoah Baby! Look at That Spider!

Man, that thing is huge!

By Howie at 07:07 AM | Comments |

August 11, 2014

Sigh, Robin Williams RIP

Robin Williams apparently killed himself today.

In addition to his hilarity, he was a huge supporter of the troops.

UPDATE By DMartyr: Retreat? Not Robin.

UPDATE II By DMartyr: Robin Williams on 'jihad':

More Robin Williams. Irish raccoons... Hahaha!

By Vinnie at 08:02 PM | Comments |

August 07, 2014

Hypocrisy Over Gaza

Pat Condell, once again, nails it.

By DMartyr at 03:59 PM | Comments |

August 06, 2014

Did Space Aliens Start Fires Near SETI?

Are fires near SETI Institute's Allen Telescope Array intentionally set by Space Aliens in order to prevent SETI from detecting their presence?

Wildfires raging in Northern California briefly halted the search for extraterrestrial life on Tuesday.
The Eiler Fire, burning some 200 miles north of Sacramento, forced employees at the SETI Institute's Allen Telescope Array to evacuate and temporarily shut down all of their computers, Internet and power.

"We can't listen when all that is down," said Seth Shostak, senior astronomer and director of SETI Research.

At SETI -- which stands for Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence -- scientists search the heavens for signs of extraterrestrial life by "listening" with an array of small satellite dishes.

The blaze came within a mile of the facility, located near Hat Creek, California, on both the east and west, according to Shostak.

"The fire on the west had jumped the road, burnt down our favorite lunch place, got within a mile of the telescopes," he said. As the flames got closer, the staff fled to safer ground and shut down the satellites.

*Just asking questions people, just asking questions.

I mean its a plausible that none of the fires, not a single one, zero, zilch where started by a Jihadi reading the last issue on Inspire on the Matchbox Jihad that the press won't tell you about. Is it not?

By Howie at 09:22 AM | Comments |

August 04, 2014

Google Removed Bomb Gaza App

Because, you know. CAIR/Hamas.


Bomb terrorists/avoid civilians. Seems harmless enough.

Although by the time I found out it existed Google had removed the app.

But there's still plenty of apps that don't cause offense. Like the ones supporting Hamas or where the game involves bombing Jooooos!

Gaza Hero. or Gaza Missiles Assassins or Gaza Defender

Or the latest news from the specially designated terrorist entity known as Hamas.

Al-Qassam HAMAS.


There's even an app for Palestinian Islamic Jihad, who's Egyptian branch founded al-Qaeda.

Personally if you're doing your bombing on the small screen I call that a appropriate outlet for your frustrations. Lord knows how many Space Bastards I've killed.

By Howie at 01:39 PM | Comments |

July 30, 2014

Wonder Woman Actress Gets 189,560 Likes For "Hamas , who are hiding like cowards behind women and children"

Predictably Muslims are totally outraged, because they should be able to post all kinds of murder and mayhem on social media, but if you criticize them, why you might get a Fatwa.

As we say on the farm, "They can dish but they can't take."

Gal Gadot, a former Miss Israel who plays Wonder Woman in the upcoming “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice,” has caused a stir on social media after positing comments bashing Hamas, describing them as “cowards,” in the latest case of a celebrity wading in on the ongoing offensive against Gaza.

“I see you Zionist turds are getting a little desperate with your social media war going to desperate lengths to sway the public into empathising with you,” one user commented on her Facebook post.

“Israeli risking their lives??? Lol did see the death poll Israeli vs Palestine ? To kill the so called Hamas your Isreal is killing innocent CHILDREN!!!! And WOMEN!!!!!” another user wrote.

“Zionist Israeli army is the biggest terrorist organization!

My God what a Wonderous Woman.

click for larger


Gal Gadot wonder woman.jpg

And here I was still hung up on Lynda Carter.


Come to think of it I might not be quite ready to give up my Lynda Carter obsession quite yet. I think I have room for both.

By Howie at 03:17 PM | Comments |

July 23, 2014

How Uncivilized

Fight Breaks Out in Ukraine Parliament

And who says politics isn't entertaining.

By Howie at 09:18 AM | Comments |

July 22, 2014

That's The Way You Do it

Selena Gomez inspires MTV crowd to join Pallywood.

After Selena Gomez‘s Instagram feed became rife with comments debating about the humanity of Israel’s attacks on Gaza, the singer posted a follow-up photo to let her fans know what she’s really thinking.

“And of course to be clear, I am not picking any sides. I am praying for peace and humanity for all!” she captioned a photo of a serene seaside sunset.

The article goes on to mention several other celebrities who are "under fire" for supporting Hamas and the Palestinians in Gaza.

Under fire? I don't think MTV knows quite what that means.


If this is what it takes for Selena to make the news these days, she should just go ahead and go full crackwhore.

By Howie at 07:49 AM | Comments |

July 17, 2014

Kihnspiracy Theory of the Day

Yeah yeah, Jahar is innocent and ... OMG! Not Juice Boxes!

Someone get me Alex Jones, STAT!

Of course you know who's really behind this.

By Howie at 08:38 AM | Comments |

July 16, 2014

Stuff To Read: Wicked Game by Matt Johnson

Matt is in the UK and bought and owns a Harley. So that's good for America!

Love America, get a free post. See how this works?

By Howie at 07:39 AM | Comments |

July 14, 2014

Jawa Promotion: Act of War!

Yeah, so I didn't blog much today. So ya'll need something to read?

Get it here! Get it now!

By Howie at 03:39 PM | Comments |

July 02, 2014

Heartbreak! DNA Analysis = No Bigfoot

Those f*cking buzzkillers at Mashable.

DNA testing is taking a bite out of the Bigfoot legend. After scientists analyzed more than 30 hair samples reportedly left behind by Bigfoot and similar mythical beasts like the Himalayan Yeti, they found all of them came from more mundane creatures like bears, wolves, cows and raccoons.

In 2012, researchers at Oxford University and the Lausanne Museum of Zoology issued an open call asking museums, scientists and Bigfoot aficionados to share any samples they thought were from the legendary ape-like creatures.

...Sykes and colleagues tested 36 hair samples from Bhutan, India, Indonesia, Nepal, Russia and the U.S. using DNA sequencing and all of them matched DNA from known animals. Most were from bears, but there were also hairs from a Malaysian tapir, horses, porcupine, deer, sheep, and a human.

Ya'll stop crushing Mexican Rusty's dreams!

By Howie at 12:19 PM | Comments |

June 20, 2014

Praise Allah! The Goats Are Safe!

Three people were killed, and three wounded in the area of El Goura, south of Adila in East Darfur.

Speaking to Radio Dabanga, an eyewitness reported that citizens formed a local rescue team after a number of goats were stolen near El Goura. The rescue team followed the thieves, and clashed with them. In the ensuing firefight one member of the rescue team was killed, and two of the thieves. Three team members sustained injuries.

The rescue team managed to recover the stolen goats.

By Howie at 08:11 AM | Comments |

June 19, 2014

Muslim Cleric Offended by Commercialization of Ramadan

Muslims, they are a lot more like us than you think.

Daily Star:Grand Mufti Sheikh Mohammad Rashid Qabbani condemned marketing propaganda for “creating deplorable links between Ramadan and recent entertainment programs,” in a statement Thursday.

“[The links] offended religious feeling and distorted the image of Ramadan, which occupies a high position of respect for Muslims,” said Qabbani, who opposed using religious occasions to promote media content.

According to the grand mufti, promotions across television and radio stations obliterate pure spirituality and transform Ramadan into a month of entertainment.

Ramadan, its like Christmas that starts in June and lasts all summer long. I hope it doesn't get in the way of all those Christmas in July car sales. What's next Sears' Eid White Sale?
Ramadan 2014 begins in the evening of
Saturday, June 28
and ends in the evening of
Monday, July 28
Dates may vary.
In participating locations only. ;-)

By Howie at 08:58 AM | Comments |

June 18, 2014

Celebrating Five Years of Downfall Parodies

Good times.

Hey, obviously you didn't have anything better to do.

By Howie at 08:25 AM | Comments |

June 16, 2014

RIP Shaggy

But would you do it for a Scoobie Snack?

Uh huh, Uh huh.

By Howie at 12:06 PM | Comments |

June 13, 2014

She Grew Up Tall

And she grew up right.


With them Indiana boys on an Indiana night.


Seriously if you've ever been to Indiana, say around Washington there is something the water. Something that makes hot chicks with small waists and big breasts. With just the right amount of soft.


Last time I was there, like to broke my neck.

Its crazy!

By Howie at 12:44 PM | Comments |

June 03, 2014

Yet Another Kill Da White People Reprise!

Ya we gonna make them pay.....

The Smoking Gun:Lashonda Lee Williams was arrested for assault.

The 43-year-old Williams... ... was asked by another female passenger to “turn off her cell phone due to the aircraft being in flight,” according to a court affidavit. In reply, Williams allegedly said, “I kill white people like you.”


After being booked into the Davidson County jail, Williams was released on $3000 bond. She is scheduled for a June 25 County Court appearance.

Kill The White People - watch more funny videos

Sing it with me! Kill da white people! Da da dah duh da! But buy my record first!

Hat Tip: Drudge.

By Howie at 10:57 AM | Comments |

May 30, 2014

California Taxpayers Send University Professors To Meet Terrorists

Why am I not surprised?

San Francisco State University (SFSU) spent more than $7,000 to send two of its professors to the Middle East for a series of meetings with two convicted terrorists, according to funding documents obtained from a California Public Records Act.

SFSU professors Rabab Abdulhadi and Joanne Barker were awarded the money by the university for a trip to Jordan and the West Bank where they met with two notorious terrorists tied to Hamas and the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP), both of which are designated as terrorist groups by the U.S. State Department. (Source)

By DMartyr at 01:06 PM | Comments |

May 28, 2014

50 Cent Throws Out First Pitch At NY Mets Game (I Guess You Can Call it A Throw)

Tara the cat can relax. Her 'worst throw evah!' record lasted less than a week.

By DMartyr at 08:20 AM | Comments |

May 22, 2014

Bulls 3, Matadors 0

Go bulls!

MADRID (AP) - Spanish bulls have scored a symbolic victory at Madrid's prestigious Las Ventas ring by injuring three matadors and forcing organizers to call off the bullfight.

The fight, the 12th of the famed San Isidro festival, was stopped late Tuesday after bulls gored two matadors and tossed a third into the air.

Las Ventas said it was the first time in 35 years a fight was stopped at the ring because of matador injuries.

Just to keep it fair, the bulls should have been allowed to kill the matadors.

Bull fighting is a cruel, sadistic "sport." The animals are maimed and mutilated before the match to give the matador an advantage. After exhausting the bull, the matadors will repeatedly stab it until it bleeds to death.

(Update: Link added.)

By DMartyr at 03:00 PM | Comments |