August 29, 2016

Not Gene Wilder!


Gene was there at the very height of cinematic achievement known as Young Frankenschtein.

What knockers!

By Howie at 02:34 PM | Comments |

August 26, 2016

Pepe'!

I don't know, we're supposed to be running around shouting Pepe'! all day.

Something about the Tilde White? I don't know.

By Howie at 08:15 AM | Comments |

August 18, 2016

Pull!


'Mercia!

By Howie at 08:22 AM | Comments |

July 27, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: Vaginal Atrophy And You

If you're like Rusty's wife and suffer from um, you know, intimate atrophy don't use Vitamin E on your most sensitive areas.

And now, thanks to Khloé Kardashian women can feel confident in talking openly about Vaginal Atrophy,

atrophyvag.jpg

No joke: Vitamin E may strengthen vaginal lining! Moisturize your labia and vagina with Vitamin E oil to combat dryness and soothe irritation.

Um, don't really do that. Let Jawa Report do it for you.

That's right we're starting a new therepetic service to our younger and hotter lesbian readers. Avoid the discomfort and pain of Vaginal Atrophy. Call today!

By Howie at 09:55 AM | Comments |

July 25, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: Keep Your Hands and Feet Inside the Vehicle at All Times

And do not roll down your windows.


Looks like I need to add stay in the car to that list. But hey their windows were all up!

A tourist was killed by a tiger and another seriously injured after getting out of their car while touring a safari park in China.

An investigation was launched into the deadly incident at the Badaling Wildlife Park in Beijing.

Surveillance video captured the moment when two visitors in the front seats of a white sedan reportedly got into an argument while driving through the tiger enclosure on Saturday.

In the video, a woman is seen getting out of the car and walking around to the driver's side door when a tiger suddenly attacks her from behind and drags her off.

Now watch, that woman's stupidity will end up costing the tiger his life.
The male driver immediately chases after them but retreats. A second woman in the back of the car joins the rescue attempt but authorities said she was killed by another tiger.

Park workers were on the scene within seconds but they were too late to save the victim.

By Howie at 02:52 PM | Comments |

July 12, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: Don't Drink With Whites

They'll get you AFU!


Especially Vinnie! He'll get you so drunk yo might post this.

chickenlovemaiil.png

He inserted ignornant!

By Howie at 07:41 AM | Comments |

July 06, 2016

That Time Randy Quaid Made Sense

He's baaaack!



By Howie at 09:54 AM | Comments |

Quote of the Year

Has just been made by Twister Sister's web blogger, Terry Sapp, "This festival sucked donkey balls – big hairy brown donkey balls.

Then I got to thinking, that's EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE IS THINKING ABOUT 2016.

Everyone Agrees!

hillary-clinton-thumbs-up.jpg

Yup.

trumpdonkeyballs.jpg


Uh huh?

slickdonkeybakks.jpg

Listen to me now!

obamadonkeyballs.jpg

By Howie at 07:45 AM | Comments |

June 08, 2016

On the Lamb

Heh,


A herd of over a thousand sheep invaded the town of Huesca in Spain after escaping their owners and breaking for freedom. Local police received emergency calls that the livestock had entered the town.

Freedom!

By Howie at 09:22 AM | Comments |

June 01, 2016

#Rancorlivesmatter!

He was just doing what came naturally.



By Howie at 03:52 PM | Comments |

May 31, 2016

Space Aliens! 100% Total Proof!

WTF is that!?!?

Maw, you see this?

By Howie at 12:51 PM | Comments |

May 03, 2016

Look Out Ethel!


By Howie at 08:22 AM | Comments |

Rusty Shackleford World Traveler: Bangaii Edition

Rusty is continuing his word travels, exchanging ideas and culture in Indonesia.

The tale begins in Bangaii, days after an auspicious solar eclipse appeared over the region. A 21-year-old fisherman was walking the beach when he spotted a beautiful, lonely angel on the sand. Naturally, he took her appearance as a sign from heaven and he gently bundled her up and took her home.

There, he attired her in a blouse and skirt, which his parents changed daily as a sign of respect. Intrigued by reports (or maybe just really bored), local police visited the house to see the angel for themselves.

"It was a sex toy," police chief Heru Pramukarno told a local newspaper.

As a semi-famous man once said, Heh....

By Howie at 07:50 AM | Comments |

April 22, 2016

Vader Fires King BO

LOL of the day.


Damn if he'd put hat on youtube with ads he would have made more money than Subway would have paid in ten years probably.

By Howie at 07:42 AM | Comments |

April 21, 2016

RIP Prince



By Howie at 12:46 PM | Comments |

Hairdryers! F*ck Yeah!



By Howie at 09:10 AM | Comments |

April 12, 2016

Jawa Book Review Trans-Racial

I'm willing to actually read and review Rachel's novel for a small fee of say $20,000.



By Howie at 12:33 PM | Comments |

April 11, 2016

Where's Howie?

Guz told me it was a three hour tour!

Three men were rescued Thursday from the Pacific Ocean island where they had been stranded for three days, after flagging down rescuers with palm fronds used to spell out "HELP," the U.S. Coast Guard said Friday.

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A photo of their makeshift announcement on the beach was released on Facebook Saturday by the U.S. Pacific Fleet, capturing the dramatic work of the stranded men in flagging down their rescuers.

By Howie at 11:07 AM | Comments |

March 30, 2016

PepperSprayGate!

So I dunno, I'm old fashioned, I don't think XX chromosome and being young and stupid means that the rest of the world has to put up with your...


That will probably heal before she marries.

Update: Fat Guy in the Red Hat doesn't do himself any favors either.

By Howie at 08:36 AM | Comments |

March 23, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: Fire! Its Hot!

No matter how simple the concept there are those who must learn it the hard way.

She was wearing her hot pants.

A bizarre video has surfaced online, showing a woman who set her vagina on fire during a dance competition.

The Flaming Lips! LOL!

Obviously rubbing alcohol is racist!

By Howie at 02:05 PM | Comments |

March 14, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: Sores Are Puss-ey And Gross

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT put Happy Faces on them!


Don't you ever do that!

By Howie at 08:50 AM | Comments |

March 07, 2016

Houston We Have Yet Another Problem

Don't look Ethel!


Kids, this is what York Peppermint Patties will do to ya.

Hit it!

Hat Tip: @Hiss_N_Bytch

By Howie at 11:46 AM | Comments |

Sandcrawler PSA: Man's Gotta Eat

Yes, but I think in this case, man's gotta drink.

Brisbane (Australia) (AFP) - A man known as "Mad Matt" appeared in an Australian court Monday after filming himself allegedly biting the head off a live rat and posting the video on Facebook.

Matthew Maloney, 24, was charged with animal cruelty following a raid by RSPCA investigators after the bizarre stunt in January.

After a string of comments branding him disgusting, Maloney posted a reply.

"All your comments are cracking me up and not one person out there will be able to say anything that will make me feel bad or make me regret what i did," he wrote.

"Its mother nature and mans gotta eat!"

If you must.

By Howie at 10:06 AM | Comments |

February 17, 2016

Islamic Science! Jinns Like Hot Chicks

Heh, if you're going to poses someone possess a hot chick.

Mallam Luthfi Jamal-Baba said that although men can be inhabited by 'jinns' (roughly, spirits), beautiful women are more prone to possession.

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Image credit for Host Possessed chicks

An Islamic exorcist has made the bizarre claim that beautiful women are more likely to be possessed by evil spirits.

Mallam Luthfi Jamal-Baba, an Imam and exorcist from Ghana, west Africa, said that although men can be inhabited by 'jinns' (spirits), beautiful women are more prone to possession.

By Howie at 09:12 AM | Comments |

February 08, 2016

Millions of Hopes Dashed as SMOD Finally Strikes Killing Only One (update_: Never Mind Just a Terrorist)

SMOD why hast thou forsaken us?

Indian officials say a meteorite struck the campus of a private engineering college on Saturday, killing one person. If scientists confirm the explosion was due to a meteorite, it would be the first recorded human fatality due to a falling space rock.

According to local reports, a bus driver was killed on Saturday when a meteorite landed in the area where he was walking, damaging the window panes of nearby buses and buildings. Three other people were injured.

Update: No meteorite was found and the crater appears to have been from an explosive device. After examination the meteor shards were determined to be rocks of the type space scientists classify as J.A.F.R.

So in other words the guy was just another victim of Islamic Terrorism, not a meteor.

Sigh....

By Howie at 01:02 PM | Comments |

January 26, 2016

Noooooooo! Not Abe!


And he took one of the internet's best memes with him.

Update: This is all Dave's fault!

By Howie at 02:33 PM | Comments |

Outrage! Star Wars VIII Delayed Till Dec 2017

We now go to our entertainment corespondent Donald Trump.

By Howie at 12:11 PM | Comments |

December 30, 2015

Video Watch Chilean Fishermen Finish off Drowning Whale

Bless their hearts, They were only trying to help.

Story to tell the kids here.

Daily Mail:

After dragging it for some 5 kilometres, the whale was cut free from the rope and able to glide off into the water.
Yeah kids it just glided..... strait to the bottom.

By Howie at 09:59 AM | Comments |

November 01, 2015

RIP Fred Thompson

Fred Thomson Died today from lymphoma

Fred Thompson, an actor who became a US senator for Tennessee and ran for the presidency in 2008, has died. He was 73.

A statement from the Thompson family said: “It is with a heavy heart and a deep sense of grief that we share the passing of our brother, husband, father, and grandfather who died peacefully in Nashville surrounded by his family.”

The statement, which the Tennessean newspaper reported said Thompson died from a recurrence of lymphoma, added: “Fred believed that the greatness of our nation was defined by the hard work, faith, and honesty of its people.

Fred was also as you know an actor, Variety also has an obit here.
After Thompson’s acting role in “Marie,” director Roger Donaldson then cast him in “No Way Out” (1987) opposite Kevin Costner and Gene Hackman, and Thompson quickly got the reputation as an actor who could portray a high-powered politican.

He would go on to appear in films “Die Hard 2,” “The Hunt for Red October” and “Days of Thunder” in the ’90s before joining “Law & Order.”

Thompson joined the NBC procedural in 2002, during the final months of his Senate run. He left in 2007, most likely to prepare for his presidential bid that would come that year.

His other film credits include “Cape Fear,” “In the Line of Fire,” “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee,” “Thunderheart” and “Born Yesterday.” He also appeared on episodes of “Sex and the City,” “The Good Wife,” “Life on Mars,” “Wiseguy,” “Roseanne” and “Matlock.”

Yes, I see those elephants over there, not gonna do it, wouldn't be prudent.

Anyway the most endearing feature of Fred was his voice, that easy going southern good ol' boy voice.

Ha!

His Official obit is here at the Tennessean.

By Howie at 08:37 PM | Comments |

October 21, 2015

Nooooooooo! Not Cory Wells!

Yeah so I was raised by hippies and WWII vets I can do Porter Wagoner or 3 Dog Night. I'm cool like that.

Three Dog Night co-founder and vocalist Cory Wells died Tuesday, according to the band's website. He was 74.

"It is with deep sadness and disbelief that I must report the passing of Cory Wells, my beloved band mate for over 45 years," Three Dog Night's Danny Hutton wrote in a press release. "Cory was an incredible singer – a great performer, he could sing anything."

I sang 3 Dog Night in Sunday school, giving away the fact my Parents had Easy Rider on 8-Track.

Dayum.....

Hat Tip: el Chapo.

By Howie at 08:55 PM | Comments |

October 16, 2015

Seal Has Very Bad Day

I hear the seal was called Bilal Ahmad.

Yeah I have more Bilal saved up for a rainy day.

(video copied because autoplay)

By Howie at 08:10 PM | Comments |

October 13, 2015

Free Eddie! (update: He's Free!)

Randy Quaid tried to leave Canada last night.

He's being held on half a million dollars bail, over a repossession if I remember correctly.

Anyway..... we're big fans...... after all he saved the world several times......

We hereby demand Eddie, I mean The Quaids' unconditional release back into their natural environment!

Update: Apparently the State of California didn't get their act together and Vermont released the Quaids.

Saints be praised!

Superior Court Judge Alison Arms ruled there was no probable cause to hold the couple in Vermont.

The 65-year-old star of "Kingpin" and other popular movies -- sporting a flowing white beard and long hair -- smiled as he left the courtroom with his wife at his side.

The pair walked out of the courthouse wearing medical scrub-like jail uniforms.

"What a great judge," Evi Quaid told reporters. "Totally fair. This is Vermont. This is why we crossed the border into Vermont. ... I knew that the people of Vermont, the judge ... understand us."

By Howie at 09:23 AM | Comments |

September 24, 2015

Woman Races Dragon

More fun than a Hajj stampede?

Nope

Hat Tip: Papa Guz.

By Howie at 12:08 PM | Comments |

September 23, 2015

Whoa Baby Look at That Effing Fish

Man that fucking thing is huge!

Today was a great way to end summer thank u

Posted by Michael Bergin on Thursday, September 17, 2015

At first I thought it was Fishing with Ace Frehley. Close but no guitar.

By Howie at 12:02 PM | Comments |

September 16, 2015

Debate Fevah!

Live stream of the Republican debate on CNN is here.

It doesn't appear I can embed it here but it is free.


By Howie at 07:05 PM | Comments |

September 12, 2015

Where Howie?

He's not under the bridge, nor had he ever been under the bridge. Howie hates every iota of a bridge, swear to god.

While it's all hilarity now, authorities had to take the incident quite seriously when they first received a call that a man in his 20s had placed a small hard-suit case wrapped in a black blanket beneath a bridge.

Police shut down a road that runs through a heavy residential area alongside the Phillippi Creek and called in the Hazardous Devices Unit.

The bomb squad X-rayed the suitcase and determined it was not an incendiary device. Upon opening it, they found a customized foam mold protecting a colorful glass waterpipe.



By Howie at 09:53 PM | Comments |

September 09, 2015

WTW No Wait! Man Catches Wife in Bed With Her Father Gets Stabbed

Well it sounds kind of hillbilly, but actually Oakland.

Police in Oakland County say a man was stabbed by his father-in-law after finding the 47-year-old nude in bed with his wife — the man’s own daughter — and the older man is now behind bars.
The incident unfolded just after 3:30 a.m. Saturday at a home in the 100 block of W. Rundell Avenue in Pontiac, between Baldwin Avenue and Saginaw Street.

A 25-year-old man told police that he had arrived home and discovered his wife and her father completely nude, laying together in bed. The man woke up his father-in-law and got into an altercation that continued outside of the home.

That’s when the older man, since identified by police as Henry Allen Michael of Detroit, allegedly stabbed the younger man in the back with a knife.

After the stabbing, Michael got into his son-in-law’s vehicle and fled the scene.
Deputies were dispatched to McLaren Hospital after the man arrived with a non-life threatening stab wound that possibly perforated his right lung.

By Howie at 10:29 AM | Comments |