May 19, 2015
JawaPalooza Review Mad Max Fury Road
I can't believe they cut off Charlize Theron's arm just to make a movie.
Now THAT is dedication to your craft.
Jawa Report file image of Charlize Theron boobs, I mean arm
So after consulting with Rusty, we give Mad Max Fury Road four droids.
Update: Oooops! Now I'm mixing up boobs, Pesky Alzheimer's! Always sneaking up on you like that.
April 17, 2015
School Lunch Optical Illusion
Believe it or not, both these images are of the same meal. But through manipulated lighting and a vast right-wing conspiracy, the image on the left makes the meal appear much less appealing than the actual Michelle Obama approved meal on the right.
The illusion illustrates how lighting and political spin can fool your mind into seeing things differently than they really are.
April 14, 2015
Joe Biden Expresses Disappointment About Hillary Running For President
Earlier this week, Biden spoke candidly with a close adviser about his desire to run for President.
With Hillary Clinton's high profile Presidential announcement, Biden lost all hope of gaining support from the Democratic establishment. This morning, Biden gave an interview expressing his feelings about the Clinton campaign:
Vote Fussy Little Bastard 2016!
Also forced napping will be outlawed. But he better watch out for Joe Biden, that dude is after your pacifier.
April 13, 2015
Swimmin' with the babes at Spring Break.
Update by Howie: OMG! Its Huge! Yeah I get that a lot ;-)
Also, Ah iyuz skary!
April 11, 2015
BREAKING: Black Man Stopped By White Cop; Doesn't Get Shot!
(Hat Tip: Weasel Zippers)
If only more young men were as intelligent and as reasonable as Will Stack. Will's video is below the fold.
April 10, 2015
SHOCKER: Barry Manilow Is Gay!!11!!!
Well, I'm not shocked. And I doubt anyone outside the Daily Mail news room is shocked either.
The news that Barry Manilow, the world's richest and most successful popular singer, has married his male manager, Garry Kief, at a secret wedding, may have stunned the legions of women who worship the 71-year-old icon's every move, but it is not likely to stop the traffic on Hollywood Boulevard.
For while many fans reacted on social media with broken-hearted shock - with one post reporting: 'my Mum can't stop crying about Barry' - there were many who had long suspected that, despite the star's decades of protestations to the contrary, the perma-tanned, disco-dancing smoothie was gay.
April 07, 2015
Mom Tries To Break Up Fight By Shooting Those Involved
I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time...
A gun-wielding mother has been arrested after allegedly firing into a crowd of people outside an apartment complex in a bid to break up a fight - only for the bullet to hit and kill her teenage son.
Latoya Tilson, 33, took out a .25-caliber handgun and fired several times into the feuding crowd in College Park, Georgia, on Saturday night after she was hit in the face by someone, police said.
But while one bullet struck a 17-year-old boy in the buttocks, another hit Tilson's 15-year-old son, Pierre, in the head.
I'm sure she was just trying to graze people like they do in the movies.
No Not Roscoe
He served honorably in the United States Army Air Force as a gunner on a B-17 bomber during World War II.
April 02, 2015
An Axe, A Cinder Block, And A Physics Teacher - What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
FYI, the co-worker survived. In fact, he was crazy enough to allow this physics teacher to take another swing!
Another angle below the fold with both swings.
March 31, 2015
Feel Good Story of The Day: She's Drunk Jim!
And to think just yesterday she was just a drunk, today she's a world famous drunk!
'Merca the land of opportunity.
February 27, 2015
RIP Mr. Spock
A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP— Leonard Nimoy (@TheRealNimoy) February 23, 2015
I Am Not Spock proclaimed the title of Leonard Nimoy's 1975 autobiography, in which the veteran actor tried to distinguish himself from his most iconic role, as Star Trek's emotionless half-human, half-Vulcan science officer. Twenty years later, he published a follow-up entitled, I Am Spock, in which the actor-director warmly embraced his pointy-eared alter ego. Like it or not, Nimoy — who passed away on Feb. 27 at the age of 83 from end-stage chronic obstructive pulmonary disease — was Spock to generations of sci-fi fans, so much so that when J.J. Abrams rebooted the franchise in the 2009 blockbuster, Nimoy was the one original cast member he made sure to bring back.
February 07, 2015
Sandcrawler Intermission: Trust Your Feelings
February 03, 2015
Randy Quaid LOL
Cousin Eddie bangs Rupert.
Hat Tip: Ben.
January 27, 2015
Sandcrawler Intermission: Making Fun of Arabs For No Particular Reason
I mean why not, if not for them life would be dull, no?
In the interest of diversity we shall now make fun of Hindus and Sikhs at the same time. Mainly because we can't tell them apart.
And last but not least those pesky Crusading Cross Worshipers!
I hope the Cross Worshipers don't kill me!
Jawa Present Must See Fatwad Films
300: Rise of Empire – FilmEnjoy the phobic arts today!
American Sniper – Film
Amira & Sam – Film
Dracula Untold – Film
Exodus: Gods and Kings – Film
Honor Diaries – Film
Oppressed Majority – Film
RoboCop (2014) – Film
January 16, 2015
Sandcrawler PSA: Breaking! Apocalypse Postponed
United Press International's twitter feed has been hijacked.
US Joint Chief of staff: USS George Washington damaged, US navy now engaged in active combat against Chinese vessels in South China sea.— UPI.com (@UPI) January 16, 2015
This is not the end of the world we're looking for, move along. Move along.
January 15, 2015
Pope Francis' Momma is So Fat...
Bah dum bump!
On Thursday, while aboard the papal plane, Pope Francis said there are limits to freedom of expression, especially when it insults or ridicules someone’s faith.Is it just me or is there some slight difference between a giving a person fat lip and the murder of 12 people plus some random Jews?
If my good friend Dr. Gasparri says a curse word against my mother, he can expect a punch, Francis said.
January 13, 2015
Teacher 23 Totally Rapes Student 18
Jessica Bonnet Acker a 23 year old high school teacher at Bryant High in Cottondale, Alabama has been accused of having sex with an eighteen year old student, just seven months after marrying her husband.I mean for the husband, who married the whore.
The teachers’ arrest would come after authorities came to be tipped off that Acker was in the throes of a relationship with one of her pupils. Both Acker and the student in question would be interviewed before a warrant for Acker’s arrest was issued. Acker would in turn surrender to authorities the next day.
But 18 and 23 rape? Inappropriate, and probably a policy violation. But is that rape the first or the 70th time or both?
I mean I can hear the victim's testimony now...
So you had sex with Mrs Acker? And then again and again and again?Kids probably don't say righteous babe anymore do they?
Yeah it was awesome dude! She's a totally righteous babe!
January 12, 2015
New Charlie Hebdo Issue
January 10, 2015
Anti-Police Activist Experiences Shoot or Don't Shoot Police Training Exercise
He finds himself in simulated life and death situations. Unbelievably, people in comments still complain about his use of force.
More details at Legal Insurrection.
January 09, 2015
A truck carrying 44,000 pounds of fireworks exploded during the massive pile-up on I-94 in Kalamazoo County Friday.
On the down side one person was killed and several injured in the pileup, but none in the fire or the explosion of the fireworks truck.
January 08, 2015
Shocking News! Islamists Totally Not Progressive!
Bill Maher didn’t hold back Wednesday night, blasting “hundreds of millions” of the world’s Muslims for allegedly supporting the Islamic terrorist massacre of cartoonists, writers, and editors at a Parisian satirical magazine that has mocked the Prophet Muhammad.Maher then went back to bashing Bill Cosby as not funny.
“I know most Muslim people would not have carried out an attack like this,” the host of HBO’s Real Time With Bill Maher said on ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live. “But here’s the important point: Hundreds of millions of them support an attack like this. They applaud an attack like this. What they say is, ‘We don’t approve of violence, but you know what? When you make fun of the Prophet, all bets are off.”
Speaking of not very funny, Bill Maher.
Cosby, funny, and he could do it without resorting to foul language.
January 06, 2015
hirty-four years ago, at the launch of Ted Turner's Cable News Network, the founder made a grandiose and specific promise about his newly created round-the-clock operation. "Barring satellite problems, we won't be signing off until the world ends," Turner declared. And in anticipation, he prepared a final video segment for the apocalypse:
He estimates that two orange dwarf stars, GL 710 and Hip 86505, could start messing with comet orbits as they approach our solar system. If they get close enough, their gravitational pull would send a torrent of comets our way and greatly increase the likelihood of an Earth-shattering kaboom.
January 02, 2015
Donna Douglas, the actress who won over TV viewers as Elly May Clampett on “The Beverly Hillbillies,” has died. She was 81.
The star’s granddaughter told TMZ Douglas died in her Louisiana home surrounded by friends and family.
The cause of death was pancreatic cancer, her niece told The Associated Press.
December 26, 2014
Ministry of Entertaining The Masses: The Interview
Rusty probably can't watch it because the sight hot Asian chick's bare breasts make him throw up, but then again everything make Rusty throw up.
November 23, 2014
Sith Ladies Sing!
Sith Lordettes? Sith Ladies? Sith Duchesses? (mumble not evil enough mumble)
Yeah that's the ticket.
November 19, 2014
Video shot at 52nd and Chestnut in West Philadelphia last week shows two women who apparently missed the 10:30 a.m. breakfast cut-off and their shot at McGriddle sandwiches.
November 18, 2014
Feel Good Video of the Day :#MrWrongHouse
November 13, 2014
Fatwa This! Break The Internet Edition
Does this flag make my ass look fat?
Yes, yes it does.
But anyway, congratulations to Kim for finally making Jawa Report.
There's a first and last time for everything. Consider this both.
Ministry of Trolls: Soulless Gingers Still Seeking Justice
Gnomes. Never liked 'em. >> http://t.co/pMgudF2ffS— JΞSTΞR ✪ ACTUAL™ (@th3j35t3r) November 11, 2014
Some memes are immortal, let this be one of them.
October 30, 2014
Spooky Vlad's Dungeon
See the thing that made Vlad so spooky was Sultan Murad. It was the forced conversion from the Catholic Faith to Islam and the witness of the utter brutality of the Ottomans that lead Vlad to such extremes as he fought in the crusade against the Ottomans.
For if one is to defeat such murderous brutality once must be willing to take it to a whole nother level.
During an outdoor festival of St. Bartholomew at Sibiu, Dracula had 20,000 citizens arrested and spiked in one afternoon. Claiming that they were either treacherous bourgeoisie, or supporters of that element, he had them - men, women and infants - impaled on the outskirts of a neighboring forest. As was his custom, he had his servants draw up a solitary dining table of fine food and wine so that he might enjoy his lunch by watching the tortures at close range. He occasionally had a servant dip his bread in the blood of the dying souls so that he could savor the taste of life. (Is it a wonder that Stoker was inspired?)
It was at this function that he espied one of his knights holding his nose at the repugnant smell of death permeating the air. When he asked the soldier if he was making fun of the situation, the fellow stammered, "No, my lord, my stomach churns, but -" and he quickly added, "I am not of the stout heart that my prince be."
"But, why would I want in my service a man who cannot look at death without regurgitating? Death is a soldier's livelihood!" And with that, he called to his bodyguards to impale the feeble fellow. "Let him join these others, but because he had been loyal until today, hoist him higher than the rest that he does not have to smell his company!"
October 12, 2014
Open Thread - 4 Minutes
Tonight is the season 5 premier of The Walking Dead. Don't expect much from me today, as I plan to watch the rest of the marathon and then the season opener.
AMC released this teaser, the first four minutes of tonight's episode:
In case you haven't figured it out yet, the zombies are not the "Walking Dead." It's the survivors who are the walking dead.