January 16, 2015
Sandcrawler PSA: Breaking! Apocalypse Postponed
United Press International's twitter feed has been hijacked.
US Joint Chief of staff: USS George Washington damaged, US navy now engaged in active combat against Chinese vessels in South China sea.— UPI.com (@UPI) January 16, 2015
This is not the end of the world we're looking for, move along. Move along.
January 15, 2015
Pope Francis' Momma is So Fat...
Bah dum bump!
On Thursday, while aboard the papal plane, Pope Francis said there are limits to freedom of expression, especially when it insults or ridicules someone’s faith.Is it just me or is there some slight difference between a giving a person fat lip and the murder of 12 people plus some random Jews?
If my good friend Dr. Gasparri says a curse word against my mother, he can expect a punch, Francis said.
January 13, 2015
Teacher 23 Totally Rapes Student 18
Jessica Bonnet Acker a 23 year old high school teacher at Bryant High in Cottondale, Alabama has been accused of having sex with an eighteen year old student, just seven months after marrying her husband.I mean for the husband, who married the whore.
The teachers’ arrest would come after authorities came to be tipped off that Acker was in the throes of a relationship with one of her pupils. Both Acker and the student in question would be interviewed before a warrant for Acker’s arrest was issued. Acker would in turn surrender to authorities the next day.
But 18 and 23 rape? Inappropriate, and probably a policy violation. But is that rape the first or the 70th time or both?
I mean I can hear the victim's testimony now...
So you had sex with Mrs Acker? And then again and again and again?Kids probably don't say righteous babe anymore do they?
Yeah it was awesome dude! She's a totally righteous babe!
January 12, 2015
New Charlie Hebdo Issue
January 10, 2015
Anti-Police Activist Experiences Shoot or Don't Shoot Police Training Exercise
He finds himself in simulated life and death situations. Unbelievably, people in comments still complain about his use of force.
More details at Legal Insurrection.
January 09, 2015
A truck carrying 44,000 pounds of fireworks exploded during the massive pile-up on I-94 in Kalamazoo County Friday.
On the down side one person was killed and several injured in the pileup, but none in the fire or the explosion of the fireworks truck.
January 08, 2015
Shocking News! Islamists Totally Not Progressive!
Bill Maher didn’t hold back Wednesday night, blasting “hundreds of millions” of the world’s Muslims for allegedly supporting the Islamic terrorist massacre of cartoonists, writers, and editors at a Parisian satirical magazine that has mocked the Prophet Muhammad.Maher then went back to bashing Bill Cosby as not funny.
“I know most Muslim people would not have carried out an attack like this,” the host of HBO’s Real Time With Bill Maher said on ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live. “But here’s the important point: Hundreds of millions of them support an attack like this. They applaud an attack like this. What they say is, ‘We don’t approve of violence, but you know what? When you make fun of the Prophet, all bets are off.”
Speaking of not very funny, Bill Maher.
Cosby, funny, and he could do it without resorting to foul language.
January 06, 2015
hirty-four years ago, at the launch of Ted Turner's Cable News Network, the founder made a grandiose and specific promise about his newly created round-the-clock operation. "Barring satellite problems, we won't be signing off until the world ends," Turner declared. And in anticipation, he prepared a final video segment for the apocalypse:
He estimates that two orange dwarf stars, GL 710 and Hip 86505, could start messing with comet orbits as they approach our solar system. If they get close enough, their gravitational pull would send a torrent of comets our way and greatly increase the likelihood of an Earth-shattering kaboom.
January 02, 2015
Donna Douglas, the actress who won over TV viewers as Elly May Clampett on “The Beverly Hillbillies,” has died. She was 81.
The star’s granddaughter told TMZ Douglas died in her Louisiana home surrounded by friends and family.
The cause of death was pancreatic cancer, her niece told The Associated Press.
December 26, 2014
Ministry of Entertaining The Masses: The Interview
Rusty probably can't watch it because the sight hot Asian chick's bare breasts make him throw up, but then again everything make Rusty throw up.
November 23, 2014
Sith Ladies Sing!
Sith Lordettes? Sith Ladies? Sith Duchesses? (mumble not evil enough mumble)
Yeah that's the ticket.
November 19, 2014
Video shot at 52nd and Chestnut in West Philadelphia last week shows two women who apparently missed the 10:30 a.m. breakfast cut-off and their shot at McGriddle sandwiches.
November 18, 2014
Feel Good Video of the Day :#MrWrongHouse
November 13, 2014
Fatwa This! Break The Internet Edition
Does this flag make my ass look fat?
Yes, yes it does.
But anyway, congratulations to Kim for finally making Jawa Report.
There's a first and last time for everything. Consider this both.
Ministry of Trolls: Soulless Gingers Still Seeking Justice
Gnomes. Never liked 'em. >> http://t.co/pMgudF2ffS— JΞSTΞR ✪ ACTUAL™ (@th3j35t3r) November 11, 2014
Some memes are immortal, let this be one of them.
October 30, 2014
Spooky Vlad's Dungeon
See the thing that made Vlad so spooky was Sultan Murad. It was the forced conversion from the Catholic Faith to Islam and the witness of the utter brutality of the Ottomans that lead Vlad to such extremes as he fought in the crusade against the Ottomans.
For if one is to defeat such murderous brutality once must be willing to take it to a whole nother level.
During an outdoor festival of St. Bartholomew at Sibiu, Dracula had 20,000 citizens arrested and spiked in one afternoon. Claiming that they were either treacherous bourgeoisie, or supporters of that element, he had them - men, women and infants - impaled on the outskirts of a neighboring forest. As was his custom, he had his servants draw up a solitary dining table of fine food and wine so that he might enjoy his lunch by watching the tortures at close range. He occasionally had a servant dip his bread in the blood of the dying souls so that he could savor the taste of life. (Is it a wonder that Stoker was inspired?)
It was at this function that he espied one of his knights holding his nose at the repugnant smell of death permeating the air. When he asked the soldier if he was making fun of the situation, the fellow stammered, "No, my lord, my stomach churns, but -" and he quickly added, "I am not of the stout heart that my prince be."
"But, why would I want in my service a man who cannot look at death without regurgitating? Death is a soldier's livelihood!" And with that, he called to his bodyguards to impale the feeble fellow. "Let him join these others, but because he had been loyal until today, hoist him higher than the rest that he does not have to smell his company!"
October 12, 2014
Open Thread - 4 Minutes
Tonight is the season 5 premier of The Walking Dead. Don't expect much from me today, as I plan to watch the rest of the marathon and then the season opener.
AMC released this teaser, the first four minutes of tonight's episode:
In case you haven't figured it out yet, the zombies are not the "Walking Dead." It's the survivors who are the walking dead.
October 08, 2014
Sandcrawler Productivity Obstacle of The Day
October 01, 2014
US Man Goes To Fight With The Yazidis
The Yazidis have endured horrible human rights abuses at the hands of the Islamic State. Women and children have been raped, tortured, and sold into slavery. But despite the horrors they have endured, they are fighting back.
And now, they are getting some help from Americans.
A US citizen, Jordan Matson, has joined the YPG ranks in order to fight against ISIS gangs, receiving the code-name "Serdar".
Matson was slightly injured when a mortar shell landed near him in a clash in which 8 ISIS gang members were killed. Matson says he is very content with the attention he receives in the YPG. US citizen from Wisconsin has joined the YPG ranks, which already includes many people from different ethnic groups in Syria and the Middle East in general.
'I involved in the struggle with my unit for a week'
Matson says he had informed himself about the struggle of the YPG against the ISIS gangs through the internet in recent times, although he already had information about the Kurdish people. Matson says he decided to join the YPG as he preferred to do something rather than nothing. Matson says the YPG is a bigger organisation than he previously thought it to be and adds that he is happy that he has gained acceptance so quickly in the YPG. Matson says he has been involved in the struggle with his unit for a week, adding that he has started to learn Kurdish.
We hear every day about western Muslims traveling to join terrorists, so it's nice to see this brave young man going to fight against those Islamic Savages.
(Hat Tip: Gateway Pundit)
September 23, 2014
PETA Takes Their Message To Muslims in India
And a good time was had by all, kinda sorta
BHOPAL: People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' (Peta) first shot at religious activism — a call to Muslims to observe a vegetarian Eid this October — has misfired. It met with violent protests here on Monday.Gotta hand it to them for doing this.
One policeman was injured and a Peta volunteer roughed up by protestors, which included women, and later whisked away by Bhopal police.
Peta woman volunteer "Benazir Suraiya" attempted to make an appeal to Muslims to go vegetarian at the legendary Taj-ul-Masajid, said to be one of Asia's largest mosques.
Camouflaged in a green hijab, to highlight the importance of vegetarianism, she walked towards the mosque gates with a couple of PETA volunteers holding a placard in Urdu and English which read: "Make Eid Happy for All. Try Vegan".
With less than a dozen policemen deployed, locals took the opportunity and shouted slogans asking her to turn back. She was forced to take cover along with another PETA volunteer in the market outside the mosque.
Within minutes the crowd swelled and Suraiya was left to fend for herself as PETA supporters fled the scene. "We are going to get a taxi for Suraiya. Police has been called for support too," said PETA volunteer Divya.
Bhopal-based PETA volunteer Akash said, "Girls were being targeted so they left the scene. Is Suraiya still there?" CSP police Sunil Patihar reached the spot to take control of the situation. According to PETA, Suraiya works for the group as its media and celebrity projects specialist. Sources said she is based in Mumbai and the group networked the event through volunteers in Bhopal and Indore.
Guess What Happens Next! PETA goes to Mosque, tells Muslims to eat Vegan during Eid http://t.co/QwrDAUCmn9— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) September 23, 2014
September 16, 2014
And Now Jawa Report Introduces... Bridge Porn!
You've never heard of Bridge Porn have you?
September 14, 2014
Joan Rivers Banned Michelle Obama From Funeral
Of course, the Obamas would never waste time attending the funerals of soldiers, Jews, or patriots anyway.
Actress, writer, producer and television host Joan Rivers made a list of people that she did not want to attend her funeral before she passed on Sept. 4. That list included first lady Michelle Obama.
In an interview with the The Sunday Times Magazine, Rivers said did she did not want Obama at her funeral and labeled her a "tranny."
This is not the first time Rivers has made negative comments about Obama. At a signing for her new book Diary of a Mad Diva at a Barnes & Noble in New York City, a reporter asked Rivers what she thought about possibly having a first gay president. Rivers replied by saying, "We already have it with Obama, so let's just calm down. You know Michelle is a tranny." (Source)
September 11, 2014
Richard Kiel is best known for his role as "Jaws," a villain in the James Bond movie The Spy Who Loved Me. Richard was 74.
September 04, 2014
Rest In Peace Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers has died, as you recall she stopped breathing during an endoscopy last week. One tweet I read said at the time, "At least she died doing something she loved." A joke I'm sure Joan would have appreciated.
Comedian and entertainer Joan Rivers died on Thursday at the age of 81.
"My mother's greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon," her daughter Melissa said in a statement.
On Tuesday, the family confirmed she was on life support at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan after going into cardiac arrest last Thursday.
August 15, 2014
Firing Comcast Harder Than You Think
I have a headache, glad when I fired them I had a good excuse handy and a note from my mommy. And also their internet sucked unless you let them rape you for it.
Recently, a now-former Comcast customer called to disconnect his family’s service for reasons that are frankly none of anyone’s business. What followed was a nightmarish descent into the bowels of salesperson Hell.
August 11, 2014
Sigh, Robin Williams RIP
Robin Williams apparently killed himself today.
In addition to his hilarity, he was a huge supporter of the troops.
UPDATE By DMartyr: Retreat? Not Robin.
UPDATE II By DMartyr: Robin Williams on 'jihad':
More Robin Williams. Irish raccoons... Hahaha!
August 07, 2014
Hypocrisy Over Gaza
Pat Condell, once again, nails it.
August 06, 2014
Did Space Aliens Start Fires Near SETI?
Are fires near SETI Institute's Allen Telescope Array intentionally set by Space Aliens in order to prevent SETI from detecting their presence?
Wildfires raging in Northern California briefly halted the search for extraterrestrial life on Tuesday.*Just asking questions people, just asking questions.
The Eiler Fire, burning some 200 miles north of Sacramento, forced employees at the SETI Institute's Allen Telescope Array to evacuate and temporarily shut down all of their computers, Internet and power.
"We can't listen when all that is down," said Seth Shostak, senior astronomer and director of SETI Research.
At SETI -- which stands for Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence -- scientists search the heavens for signs of extraterrestrial life by "listening" with an array of small satellite dishes.
The blaze came within a mile of the facility, located near Hat Creek, California, on both the east and west, according to Shostak.
"The fire on the west had jumped the road, burnt down our favorite lunch place, got within a mile of the telescopes," he said. As the flames got closer, the staff fled to safer ground and shut down the satellites.
I mean its a plausible that none of the fires, not a single one, zero, zilch where started by a Jihadi reading the last issue on Inspire on the Matchbox Jihad that the press won't tell you about. Is it not?
August 04, 2014
Google Removed Bomb Gaza App
Because, you know. CAIR/Hamas.
Bomb terrorists/avoid civilians. Seems harmless enough.
Although by the time I found out it existed Google had removed the app.
But there's still plenty of apps that don't cause offense. Like the ones supporting Hamas or where the game involves bombing Jooooos!
Or the latest news from the specially designated terrorist entity known as Hamas.
There's even an app for Palestinian Islamic Jihad, who's Egyptian branch founded al-Qaeda.
Personally if you're doing your bombing on the small screen I call that a appropriate outlet for your frustrations. Lord knows how many Space Bastards I've killed.
July 30, 2014
Wonder Woman Actress Gets 189,560 Likes For "Hamas , who are hiding like cowards behind women and children"
Predictably Muslims are totally outraged, because they should be able to post all kinds of murder and mayhem on social media, but if you criticize them, why you might get a Fatwa.
Gal Gadot, a former Miss Israel who plays Wonder Woman in the upcoming “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice,” has caused a stir on social media after positing comments bashing Hamas, describing them as “cowards,” in the latest case of a celebrity wading in on the ongoing offensive against Gaza.My God what a Wonderous Woman.
“I see you Zionist turds are getting a little desperate with your social media war going to desperate lengths to sway the public into empathising with you,” one user commented on her Facebook post.
“Israeli risking their lives??? Lol did see the death poll Israeli vs Palestine ? To kill the so called Hamas your Isreal is killing innocent CHILDREN!!!! And WOMEN!!!!!” another user wrote.
“Zionist Israeli army is the biggest terrorist organization!
click for larger
And here I was still hung up on Lynda Carter.
Come to think of it I might not be quite ready to give up my Lynda Carter obsession quite yet. I think I have room for both.
July 23, 2014
Fight Breaks Out in Ukraine Parliament
And who says politics isn't entertaining.
July 22, 2014
That's The Way You Do it
After Selena Gomez‘s Instagram feed became rife with comments debating about the humanity of Israel’s attacks on Gaza, the singer posted a follow-up photo to let her fans know what she’s really thinking.The article goes on to mention several other celebrities who are "under fire" for supporting Hamas and the Palestinians in Gaza.
“And of course to be clear, I am not picking any sides. I am praying for peace and humanity for all!” she captioned a photo of a serene seaside sunset.
Under fire? I don't think MTV knows quite what that means.
If this is what it takes for Selena to make the news these days, she should just go ahead and go full crackwhore.
July 17, 2014
Kihnspiracy Theory of the Day
Yeah yeah, Jahar is innocent and ... OMG! Not Juice Boxes!
Someone get me Alex Jones, STAT!
Of course you know who's really behind this.
July 16, 2014
Stuff To Read: Wicked Game by Matt Johnson
Matt is in the UK and bought and owns a Harley. So that's good for America!
"imagine a book with the realism of Ryan & Baldacci with the story telling of Child and Patterson" recent reviews for http://t.co/wAwxkx6ZMe— Matt Johnson (@Matt_Johnson_UK) April 18, 2014
Love America, get a free post. See how this works?
July 14, 2014
Jawa Promotion: Act of War!
Yeah, so I didn't blog much today. So ya'll need something to read?
July 10, 2014
Sandcrawler PSA: Absolute Proof That Han Shot First!
Download it now before the Illuminati and the Mossad can hide the truth!