May 03, 2016
Look Out Ethel!
👮😂👌 Labor Day on May 1 in Berlin ... thick leftist shows the police her butt. pic.twitter.com/tWv3QWZF7F— Onlinemagazin (@OnlineMagazin) May 3, 2016
Rusty Shackleford World Traveler: Bangaii Edition
The tale begins in Bangaii, days after an auspicious solar eclipse appeared over the region. A 21-year-old fisherman was walking the beach when he spotted a beautiful, lonely angel on the sand. Naturally, he took her appearance as a sign from heaven and he gently bundled her up and took her home.As a semi-famous man once said, Heh....
There, he attired her in a blouse and skirt, which his parents changed daily as a sign of respect. Intrigued by reports (or maybe just really bored), local police visited the house to see the angel for themselves.
"It was a sex toy," police chief Heru Pramukarno told a local newspaper.
April 22, 2016
Vader Fires King BO
LOL of the day.
I got fired from subway 🙃 pic.twitter.com/PKmNnlPwJp— KING BO (@Prince__Suburan) March 29, 2016
Damn if he'd put hat on youtube with ads he would have made more money than Subway would have paid in ten years probably.
April 21, 2016
Hairdryers! F*ck Yeah!
WATCH: We should all be as happy as this toddler having a blast with mom's hair dryer.https://t.co/xDcNjwgK0n— Good Morning America (@GMA) April 21, 2016
April 12, 2016
Jawa Book Review Trans-Racial
I'm willing to actually read and review Rachel's novel for a small fee of say $20,000.
April 11, 2016
Three men were rescued Thursday from the Pacific Ocean island where they had been stranded for three days, after flagging down rescuers with palm fronds used to spell out "HELP," the U.S. Coast Guard said Friday.
A photo of their makeshift announcement on the beach was released on Facebook Saturday by the U.S. Pacific Fleet, capturing the dramatic work of the stranded men in flagging down their rescuers.
March 30, 2016
So I dunno, I'm old fashioned, I don't think XX chromosome and being young and stupid means that the rest of the world has to put up with your...
That will probably heal before she marries.
Update: Fat Guy in the Red Hat doesn't do himself any favors either.
March 23, 2016
Sandcrawler PSA: Fire! Its Hot!
She was wearing her hot pants.The Flaming Lips! LOL!
A bizarre video has surfaced online, showing a woman who set her vagina on fire during a dance competition.
Obviously rubbing alcohol is racist!
March 14, 2016
Sandcrawler PSA: Sores Are Puss-ey And Gross
Pastor calls for executions of gays, is joined on stage by Ted Cruz. So insane I thought it had to be a hoax. https://t.co/WdBufqNKdz— Patrick Collison (@patrickc) March 13, 2016
Don't you ever do that!
March 07, 2016
Houston We Have Yet Another Problem
Don't look Ethel!
Kids, this is what York Peppermint Patties will do to ya.
Hat Tip: @Hiss_N_Bytch
Sandcrawler PSA: Man's Gotta Eat
Brisbane (Australia) (AFP) - A man known as "Mad Matt" appeared in an Australian court Monday after filming himself allegedly biting the head off a live rat and posting the video on Facebook.If you must.
Matthew Maloney, 24, was charged with animal cruelty following a raid by RSPCA investigators after the bizarre stunt in January.
After a string of comments branding him disgusting, Maloney posted a reply.
"All your comments are cracking me up and not one person out there will be able to say anything that will make me feel bad or make me regret what i did," he wrote.
"Its mother nature and mans gotta eat!"
February 17, 2016
Islamic Science! Jinns Like Hot Chicks
Mallam Luthfi Jamal-Baba said that although men can be inhabited by 'jinns' (roughly, spirits), beautiful women are more prone to possession.
Image credit for Host Possessed chicks
An Islamic exorcist has made the bizarre claim that beautiful women are more likely to be possessed by evil spirits.
Mallam Luthfi Jamal-Baba, an Imam and exorcist from Ghana, west Africa, said that although men can be inhabited by 'jinns' (spirits), beautiful women are more prone to possession.
February 08, 2016
Millions of Hopes Dashed as SMOD Finally Strikes Killing Only One (update_: Never Mind Just a Terrorist)
Indian officials say a meteorite struck the campus of a private engineering college on Saturday, killing one person. If scientists confirm the explosion was due to a meteorite, it would be the first recorded human fatality due to a falling space rock.Update: No meteorite was found and the crater appears to have been from an explosive device. After examination the meteor shards were determined to be rocks of the type space scientists classify as J.A.F.R.
According to local reports, a bus driver was killed on Saturday when a meteorite landed in the area where he was walking, damaging the window panes of nearby buses and buildings. Three other people were injured.
So in other words the guy was just another victim of Islamic Terrorism, not a meteor.
January 26, 2016
Noooooooo! Not Abe!
And he took one of the internet's best memes with him.
Update: This is all Dave's fault!
Outrage! Star Wars VIII Delayed Till Dec 2017
We now go to our entertainment corespondent Donald Trump.
December 30, 2015
Video Watch Chilean Fishermen Finish off Drowning Whale
Bless their hearts, They were only trying to help.
Story to tell the kids here.
After dragging it for some 5 kilometres, the whale was cut free from the rope and able to glide off into the water.Yeah kids it just glided..... strait to the bottom.
November 01, 2015
RIP Fred Thompson
Fred Thompson, an actor who became a US senator for Tennessee and ran for the presidency in 2008, has died. He was 73.Fred was also as you know an actor, Variety also has an obit here.
A statement from the Thompson family said: “It is with a heavy heart and a deep sense of grief that we share the passing of our brother, husband, father, and grandfather who died peacefully in Nashville surrounded by his family.”
The statement, which the Tennessean newspaper reported said Thompson died from a recurrence of lymphoma, added: “Fred believed that the greatness of our nation was defined by the hard work, faith, and honesty of its people.
After Thompson’s acting role in “Marie,” director Roger Donaldson then cast him in “No Way Out” (1987) opposite Kevin Costner and Gene Hackman, and Thompson quickly got the reputation as an actor who could portray a high-powered politican.Yes, I see those elephants over there, not gonna do it, wouldn't be prudent.
He would go on to appear in films “Die Hard 2,” “The Hunt for Red October” and “Days of Thunder” in the ’90s before joining “Law & Order.”
Thompson joined the NBC procedural in 2002, during the final months of his Senate run. He left in 2007, most likely to prepare for his presidential bid that would come that year.
His other film credits include “Cape Fear,” “In the Line of Fire,” “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee,” “Thunderheart” and “Born Yesterday.” He also appeared on episodes of “Sex and the City,” “The Good Wife,” “Life on Mars,” “Wiseguy,” “Roseanne” and “Matlock.”
Anyway the most endearing feature of Fred was his voice, that easy going southern good ol' boy voice.
October 21, 2015
Nooooooooo! Not Cory Wells!
Three Dog Night co-founder and vocalist Cory Wells died Tuesday, according to the band's website. He was 74.I sang 3 Dog Night in Sunday school, giving away the fact my Parents had Easy Rider on 8-Track.
"It is with deep sadness and disbelief that I must report the passing of Cory Wells, my beloved band mate for over 45 years," Three Dog Night's Danny Hutton wrote in a press release. "Cory was an incredible singer – a great performer, he could sing anything."
Hat Tip: el Chapo.
Sandcrawler PSA: Dear Shotgun Joe
October 16, 2015
Seal Has Very Bad Day
Yeah I have more Bilal saved up for a rainy day.
(video copied because autoplay)
October 13, 2015
Free Eddie! (update: He's Free!)
He's being held on half a million dollars bail, over a repossession if I remember correctly.
Anyway..... we're big fans...... after all he saved the world several times......
We hereby demand Eddie, I mean The Quaids' unconditional release back into their natural environment!
Update: Apparently the State of California didn't get their act together and Vermont released the Quaids.
Superior Court Judge Alison Arms ruled there was no probable cause to hold the couple in Vermont.
The 65-year-old star of "Kingpin" and other popular movies -- sporting a flowing white beard and long hair -- smiled as he left the courtroom with his wife at his side.
The pair walked out of the courthouse wearing medical scrub-like jail uniforms.
"What a great judge," Evi Quaid told reporters. "Totally fair. This is Vermont. This is why we crossed the border into Vermont. ... I knew that the people of Vermont, the judge ... understand us."
September 24, 2015
Woman Races Dragon
More fun than a Hajj stampede?
Hat Tip: Papa Guz.
September 23, 2015
Whoa Baby Look at That Effing Fish
Today was a great way to end summer thank uPosted by Michael Bergin on Thursday, September 17, 2015
At first I thought it was Fishing with Ace Frehley. Close but no guitar.
September 16, 2015
It doesn't appear I can embed it here but it is free.
September 12, 2015
While it's all hilarity now, authorities had to take the incident quite seriously when they first received a call that a man in his 20s had placed a small hard-suit case wrapped in a black blanket beneath a bridge.
Police shut down a road that runs through a heavy residential area alongside the Phillippi Creek and called in the Hazardous Devices Unit.
The bomb squad X-rayed the suitcase and determined it was not an incendiary device. Upon opening it, they found a customized foam mold protecting a colorful glass waterpipe.
Call our Bomb Unit the bong unit after investigating suspicious package. Owner can contact us to claim property! pic.twitter.com/JzFj7tS9cZ— SarasotaSheriff (@SarasotaSheriff) September 9, 2015
September 09, 2015
WTW No Wait! Man Catches Wife in Bed With Her Father Gets Stabbed
Police in Oakland County say a man was stabbed by his father-in-law after finding the 47-year-old nude in bed with his wife — the man’s own daughter — and the older man is now behind bars.
The incident unfolded just after 3:30 a.m. Saturday at a home in the 100 block of W. Rundell Avenue in Pontiac, between Baldwin Avenue and Saginaw Street.
A 25-year-old man told police that he had arrived home and discovered his wife and her father completely nude, laying together in bed. The man woke up his father-in-law and got into an altercation that continued outside of the home.
That’s when the older man, since identified by police as Henry Allen Michael of Detroit, allegedly stabbed the younger man in the back with a knife.
After the stabbing, Michael got into his son-in-law’s vehicle and fled the scene.
Deputies were dispatched to McLaren Hospital after the man arrived with a non-life threatening stab wound that possibly perforated his right lung.
September 08, 2015
RIP Martin Milner
Actor Martin Milner, who projected clean-cut integrity through car windshields on '60s TV hits "Route 66" and "Adam-12," has died. He was 83.Oh well at least we still have Randolph Mantooth.
Milner died Sunday night surrounded by his family, said friend Pete Gray, who with Milner co-hosted "Let's Talk HookUp," a Southern California radio show on sportfishing.
August 24, 2015
Haters Gonna Hate
Big Bang Theory Actress catches hell for, you know, just visiting IsraelEW
"I think in general it's never going to be trendy to be observant or religious in Hollywood circles," Bialik told Fox 411 in an interview published Friday.Looking a bit deeper Jawa Report finds facts that make the hatred even more vile.
Bialik, 39, is of the Jewish faith and opened up about some serious backlash she received after a recent trip to Israel.
"I've gotten a lot of negative attention for visiting Israel," she said, recalling a visit to a friend in the Israel Defense Forces. "That's what amazing. … Simply by going to Israel this summer and saying nothing more than, 'I've gone to Israel,' I got the same amount of hatred and threats and anti-Semitism for actually making a statement trying to support people [who] whether I like it or not are serving in an army."
"That reveals the truth," she continued. "It really doesn't matter what I support or believe; the fact that I'm Jewish and go there is enough – that should be alarming to most people."
So, you know, the notion that I'm a real-life nerd that loves Star Wars and superheroes....Autolink.
July 28, 2015
Where's Vinnie? Nondescript White Van Edition
Go Vinnie Go!
July 26, 2015
Snoop Lion Violated!
I mean the brother reverted, but still the Man keeping him down.
And also Sweden I think your dope detector thingy is broken, but still don't you know there is an unwritten rule that celebrities and politicians I mean you know.
June 28, 2015
ISIS Flag Spotted In Gay Pride Parade
CNN reported the ISIS flag was being flown at a gay pride parade:
While roaming the annual Gay Pride Parade in London, CNN International reporter Lucy Pawle stumbled upon an "unnerving" sight: An unidentified man flying what initially appeared to be the flag of the jihadist Islamic State (ISIS).
Pawle snapped several photos of the strange sighting, and described to her CNN in-studio colleagues how parade-goers didn't seem to notice the flag, nor were there many questions being asked.
At one point, Pawle suggested it could have been a subtle piece of British humor (as they are wont to do) taunting ISIS since the militant group is notorious for executing homosexuals in rather brutal fashion. Corroborating her theory, Pawle said, is the fact that the flag's wording doesn’t appear to be Arabic, but rather "gobbledygook."
Wait... I thought all that "gobbledygook" on an ISIS flag was dildos and buttplugs!?
Looks like didlos and buttplugs to me. If fact, some analysis of the ISIS flag reveals:
So, CNN wasn't too far off. But I expect them to apologized to ISIS any day now.
June 11, 2015
RIP Christopher Lee
Sir Christopher Lee, the veteran actor and star of many of the world's biggest film franchises, has died aged 93.A great loss fro the Empire but always two there are.
The English-born actor, who made his name playing Dracula and Frankenstein's monster in the Hammer horror films, appeared in more than 250 movies
He was best-known for his villainous roles - including Scaramanga in James Bond and evil wizard Saruman in The Lord of the Rings.
The actor's other credits include The Wicker Man and Star Wars.
The actor is reported to have died on Sunday at Chelsea and Westminster hospital in London, after being hospitalised for respiratory problems and heart failure.
June 01, 2015
Hillary The Sixth Beatle?
Yoko Ono when asked about her thoughts about Hillary’s run for the presidency completely took reporters by surprise.Eeeewwww! Bad Gay!
“We met many times during the New York Vietnam War protests in the 1970s, and became very intimate. We shared many of the same values about sexual equality, fighting against the authoritarian, patriarchal, male-dominated society we were raised in” she explained.
“We had a brief romantic fling when I lived with John in Manhattan and Hillary was studying at Yale, but eventually we lost touch. I am amazed how things are going well for her and wish her the best for her campaign” she told reporters during the press conference.
May 19, 2015
JawaPalooza Review Mad Max Fury Road
I can't believe they cut off Charlize Theron's arm just to make a movie.
Now THAT is dedication to your craft.
Jawa Report file image of Charlize Theron boobs, I mean arm
So after consulting with Rusty, we give Mad Max Fury Road four droids.
Update: Oooops! Now I'm mixing up boobs, Pesky Alzheimer's! Always sneaking up on you like that.
April 17, 2015
School Lunch Optical Illusion
Believe it or not, both these images are of the same meal. But through manipulated lighting and a vast right-wing conspiracy, the image on the left makes the meal appear much less appealing than the actual Michelle Obama approved meal on the right.
The illusion illustrates how lighting and political spin can fool your mind into seeing things differently than they really are.
April 14, 2015
Joe Biden Expresses Disappointment About Hillary Running For President
Earlier this week, Biden spoke candidly with a close adviser about his desire to run for President.
With Hillary Clinton's high profile Presidential announcement, Biden lost all hope of gaining support from the Democratic establishment. This morning, Biden gave an interview expressing his feelings about the Clinton campaign:
Vote Fussy Little Bastard 2016!
Also forced napping will be outlawed. But he better watch out for Joe Biden, that dude is after your pacifier.