September 20, 2016
Where's Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Return of Angelina Jolie Edition
At the center of the shocking divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie is Greenpeace spokeswoman Marion Cotillard, according to an exclusive story in the New York Post.
A private investigator hired by Jolie caught Pitt having an affair with the French activist, who is the female lead in Pitt’s upcoming Allied film, according to the report.
Cotillard has posited “that 9/11 was a conspiracy designed to renovate the Twin Towers without having to pay for costly rewiring,” according to New York Magazine..
Cotillard has also argued in defense of the conspiracy that the United States never landed a man on the moon.
September 17, 2016
And Now A Relaxing Little Jawa Intermission
You worked hard, unwind....
There, you feel better now?
September 07, 2016
Make 'Merca Great Intenet Videos
Maybe the internet is about to get its second wind?
Well played, very well played.
Hat tip: Carmine.
September 02, 2016
The SpaceX boomah!
Good part around 1:05
August 31, 2016
Sandcrawler Announcements : The Ultimate Islamic Shoe Fighters League
First in the arena Sunni vs Shia, next week Sufis play Ibadis.
I'm not sure how to score that as of yet. I believe they use a system similar to Rugby.
August 29, 2016
Not Gene Wilder!
Heartbreaking. https://t.co/apkGXAO3sN— Megyn Kelly (@megynkelly) August 29, 2016
Gene was there at the very height of cinematic achievement known as Young Frankenschtein.
August 26, 2016
I don't know, we're supposed to be running around shouting Pepe'! all day.
Something about the Tilde White? I don't know.
August 18, 2016
(Vine by American Flag Shotgun Guy) https://t.co/hPf5x9tAFC— JKO (@jko417) August 17, 2016
July 27, 2016
Sandcrawler PSA: Vaginal Atrophy And You
If you're like Rusty's wife and suffer from um, you know, intimate atrophy don't use Vitamin E on your most sensitive areas.
And now, thanks to Khloé Kardashian women can feel confident in talking openly about Vaginal Atrophy,Um, don't really do that. Let Jawa Report do it for you.
No joke: Vitamin E may strengthen vaginal lining! Moisturize your labia and vagina with Vitamin E oil to combat dryness and soothe irritation.
That's right we're starting a new therepetic service to our younger and hotter lesbian readers. Avoid the discomfort and pain of Vaginal Atrophy. Call today!
July 25, 2016
Sandcrawler PSA: Keep Your Hands and Feet Inside the Vehicle at All Times
And do not roll down your windows.
Video footage showing tiger attack at Beijing Badaling Wildlife World releasedhttps://t.co/KtRKm35rlq— CCTVNEWS (@cctvnews) July 24, 2016
Looks like I need to add stay in the car to that list. But hey their windows were all up!
A tourist was killed by a tiger and another seriously injured after getting out of their car while touring a safari park in China.Now watch, that woman's stupidity will end up costing the tiger his life.
An investigation was launched into the deadly incident at the Badaling Wildlife Park in Beijing.
Surveillance video captured the moment when two visitors in the front seats of a white sedan reportedly got into an argument while driving through the tiger enclosure on Saturday.
In the video, a woman is seen getting out of the car and walking around to the driver's side door when a tiger suddenly attacks her from behind and drags her off.
The male driver immediately chases after them but retreats. A second woman in the back of the car joins the rescue attempt but authorities said she was killed by another tiger.
Park workers were on the scene within seconds but they were too late to save the victim.
July 12, 2016
Sandcrawler PSA: Don't Drink With Whites
Especially Vinnie! He'll get you so drunk yo might post this.
He inserted ignornant!
July 06, 2016
That Time Randy Quaid Made Sense
Quote of the Year
Has just been made by Twister Sister's web blogger, Terry Sapp, "This festival sucked donkey balls – big hairy brown donkey balls.
Then I got to thinking, that's EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE IS THINKING ABOUT 2016.
Listen to me now!
June 23, 2016
A Jawa Shameless Promotion : Brad Thor's Foreign Agent
Do it nough!
June 14, 2016
RIP Space Alien ALF
Farewell little guy!
June 08, 2016
On the Lamb
A herd of over a thousand sheep invaded the town of Huesca in Spain after escaping their owners and breaking for freedom. Local police received emergency calls that the livestock had entered the town.
June 01, 2016
He was just doing what came naturally.
May 31, 2016
Space Aliens! 100% Total Proof!
Maw, you see this?
May 03, 2016
Look Out Ethel!
👮😂👌 Labor Day on May 1 in Berlin ... thick leftist shows the police her butt. pic.twitter.com/tWv3QWZF7F— Onlinemagazin (@OnlineMagazin) May 3, 2016
Rusty Shackleford World Traveler: Bangaii Edition
The tale begins in Bangaii, days after an auspicious solar eclipse appeared over the region. A 21-year-old fisherman was walking the beach when he spotted a beautiful, lonely angel on the sand. Naturally, he took her appearance as a sign from heaven and he gently bundled her up and took her home.As a semi-famous man once said, Heh....
There, he attired her in a blouse and skirt, which his parents changed daily as a sign of respect. Intrigued by reports (or maybe just really bored), local police visited the house to see the angel for themselves.
"It was a sex toy," police chief Heru Pramukarno told a local newspaper.
April 22, 2016
Vader Fires King BO
LOL of the day.
I got fired from subway 🙃 pic.twitter.com/PKmNnlPwJp— KING BO (@Prince__Suburan) March 29, 2016
Damn if he'd put hat on youtube with ads he would have made more money than Subway would have paid in ten years probably.
April 21, 2016
Hairdryers! F*ck Yeah!
WATCH: We should all be as happy as this toddler having a blast with mom's hair dryer.https://t.co/xDcNjwgK0n— Good Morning America (@GMA) April 21, 2016
April 12, 2016
Jawa Book Review Trans-Racial
I'm willing to actually read and review Rachel's novel for a small fee of say $20,000.
April 11, 2016
Three men were rescued Thursday from the Pacific Ocean island where they had been stranded for three days, after flagging down rescuers with palm fronds used to spell out "HELP," the U.S. Coast Guard said Friday.
A photo of their makeshift announcement on the beach was released on Facebook Saturday by the U.S. Pacific Fleet, capturing the dramatic work of the stranded men in flagging down their rescuers.
March 30, 2016
So I dunno, I'm old fashioned, I don't think XX chromosome and being young and stupid means that the rest of the world has to put up with your...
That will probably heal before she marries.
Update: Fat Guy in the Red Hat doesn't do himself any favors either.
March 23, 2016
Sandcrawler PSA: Fire! Its Hot!
She was wearing her hot pants.The Flaming Lips! LOL!
A bizarre video has surfaced online, showing a woman who set her vagina on fire during a dance competition.
Obviously rubbing alcohol is racist!
March 14, 2016
Sandcrawler PSA: Sores Are Puss-ey And Gross
Pastor calls for executions of gays, is joined on stage by Ted Cruz. So insane I thought it had to be a hoax. https://t.co/WdBufqNKdz— Patrick Collison (@patrickc) March 13, 2016
Don't you ever do that!
March 07, 2016
Houston We Have Yet Another Problem
Don't look Ethel!
Kids, this is what York Peppermint Patties will do to ya.
Hat Tip: @Hiss_N_Bytch
Sandcrawler PSA: Man's Gotta Eat
Brisbane (Australia) (AFP) - A man known as "Mad Matt" appeared in an Australian court Monday after filming himself allegedly biting the head off a live rat and posting the video on Facebook.If you must.
Matthew Maloney, 24, was charged with animal cruelty following a raid by RSPCA investigators after the bizarre stunt in January.
After a string of comments branding him disgusting, Maloney posted a reply.
"All your comments are cracking me up and not one person out there will be able to say anything that will make me feel bad or make me regret what i did," he wrote.
"Its mother nature and mans gotta eat!"
February 17, 2016
Islamic Science! Jinns Like Hot Chicks
Mallam Luthfi Jamal-Baba said that although men can be inhabited by 'jinns' (roughly, spirits), beautiful women are more prone to possession.
Image credit for Host Possessed chicks
An Islamic exorcist has made the bizarre claim that beautiful women are more likely to be possessed by evil spirits.
Mallam Luthfi Jamal-Baba, an Imam and exorcist from Ghana, west Africa, said that although men can be inhabited by 'jinns' (spirits), beautiful women are more prone to possession.
February 08, 2016
Millions of Hopes Dashed as SMOD Finally Strikes Killing Only One (update_: Never Mind Just a Terrorist)
Indian officials say a meteorite struck the campus of a private engineering college on Saturday, killing one person. If scientists confirm the explosion was due to a meteorite, it would be the first recorded human fatality due to a falling space rock.Update: No meteorite was found and the crater appears to have been from an explosive device. After examination the meteor shards were determined to be rocks of the type space scientists classify as J.A.F.R.
According to local reports, a bus driver was killed on Saturday when a meteorite landed in the area where he was walking, damaging the window panes of nearby buses and buildings. Three other people were injured.
So in other words the guy was just another victim of Islamic Terrorism, not a meteor.
January 26, 2016
Noooooooo! Not Abe!
And he took one of the internet's best memes with him.
Update: This is all Dave's fault!
Outrage! Star Wars VIII Delayed Till Dec 2017
We now go to our entertainment corespondent Donald Trump.
December 30, 2015
Video Watch Chilean Fishermen Finish off Drowning Whale
Bless their hearts, They were only trying to help.
Story to tell the kids here.
After dragging it for some 5 kilometres, the whale was cut free from the rope and able to glide off into the water.Yeah kids it just glided..... strait to the bottom.
November 01, 2015
RIP Fred Thompson
Fred Thompson, an actor who became a US senator for Tennessee and ran for the presidency in 2008, has died. He was 73.Fred was also as you know an actor, Variety also has an obit here.
A statement from the Thompson family said: “It is with a heavy heart and a deep sense of grief that we share the passing of our brother, husband, father, and grandfather who died peacefully in Nashville surrounded by his family.”
The statement, which the Tennessean newspaper reported said Thompson died from a recurrence of lymphoma, added: “Fred believed that the greatness of our nation was defined by the hard work, faith, and honesty of its people.
After Thompson’s acting role in “Marie,” director Roger Donaldson then cast him in “No Way Out” (1987) opposite Kevin Costner and Gene Hackman, and Thompson quickly got the reputation as an actor who could portray a high-powered politican.Yes, I see those elephants over there, not gonna do it, wouldn't be prudent.
He would go on to appear in films “Die Hard 2,” “The Hunt for Red October” and “Days of Thunder” in the ’90s before joining “Law & Order.”
Thompson joined the NBC procedural in 2002, during the final months of his Senate run. He left in 2007, most likely to prepare for his presidential bid that would come that year.
His other film credits include “Cape Fear,” “In the Line of Fire,” “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee,” “Thunderheart” and “Born Yesterday.” He also appeared on episodes of “Sex and the City,” “The Good Wife,” “Life on Mars,” “Wiseguy,” “Roseanne” and “Matlock.”
Anyway the most endearing feature of Fred was his voice, that easy going southern good ol' boy voice.
October 21, 2015
Nooooooooo! Not Cory Wells!
Three Dog Night co-founder and vocalist Cory Wells died Tuesday, according to the band's website. He was 74.I sang 3 Dog Night in Sunday school, giving away the fact my Parents had Easy Rider on 8-Track.
"It is with deep sadness and disbelief that I must report the passing of Cory Wells, my beloved band mate for over 45 years," Three Dog Night's Danny Hutton wrote in a press release. "Cory was an incredible singer – a great performer, he could sing anything."
Hat Tip: el Chapo.
Sandcrawler PSA: Dear Shotgun Joe
October 16, 2015
Seal Has Very Bad Day
Yeah I have more Bilal saved up for a rainy day.
(video copied because autoplay)
October 13, 2015
Free Eddie! (update: He's Free!)
He's being held on half a million dollars bail, over a repossession if I remember correctly.
Anyway..... we're big fans...... after all he saved the world several times......
We hereby demand Eddie, I mean The Quaids' unconditional release back into their natural environment!
Update: Apparently the State of California didn't get their act together and Vermont released the Quaids.
Superior Court Judge Alison Arms ruled there was no probable cause to hold the couple in Vermont.
The 65-year-old star of "Kingpin" and other popular movies -- sporting a flowing white beard and long hair -- smiled as he left the courtroom with his wife at his side.
The pair walked out of the courthouse wearing medical scrub-like jail uniforms.
"What a great judge," Evi Quaid told reporters. "Totally fair. This is Vermont. This is why we crossed the border into Vermont. ... I knew that the people of Vermont, the judge ... understand us."