November 26, 2018

SMOD: A New Hope

There is another.

A large asteroid could be headed toward us in the near future — barreling through space on a risk trajectory that might cause it to collide with Earth.

The news comes from the Express, which cites NASA sources revealing that the space rock could end up engaged in not one, but a staggering 62 different potential impact trajectories with our planet — each of them waiting to sling the asteroid toward Earth over the next 100 years.

By Howie at 09:00 AM | Comments |

November 08, 2018

John Hawkins H8er Extraordinaire

Its posts like this that make life worth living.

The Top 7 Reasons You Should Hate Babies
He's obviously not running for office. So here's #6
They’re dumb

A baby will eat poison, pull a TV over on himself, and take a dog treat off the floor and put it in his mouth. They’re like dogs, but not as smart. At least you can teach dogs a trick. They can fetch, roll over and sit. Try a comparison. Ask your dog to sit and then ask your baby to sit. The dog will be sitting there waiting for a treat while the baby will look at you with dull, uncomprehending eyes because he’s an idiot.

Well it was nice following John's blogging and social media and stuff, the thought police I'm sure will be along soon.

By Howie at 09:24 AM | Comments |

August 16, 2018

RIP: Aretha Franklin

We'll miss her. May the Lord take her and comfort her loves ones.

Groovy baby.

Filed under Ministry of Entertaining The Masses, because she certainly did that.

By Howie at 10:48 AM | Comments |

August 06, 2018

Post In Which The Jawas Offer Alex Jones Hosting

Alex is having a bad day.


Dear Alex, see Paypal on the top left there. For a small fee of say $5000.00 US dollars you get a login.

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I do reserve the right to make your blog nickname Fire Can't Melt Steel But Somehow The Jews Made It Happen.

By Howie at 11:59 AM | Comments |

July 30, 2018

Rusty's Dream Comes True: Gay Bigfoot Porn!

Its here baby!


Remember the internet was going to change the world. It has, you can now watch the following Gay Bigfoot Porn Video over and over as much as you want, and for Rusty that's quite a bit.

By Howie at 07:45 AM | Comments |

July 11, 2018

Ministry of Entertaining the Masses PASA: Palestinian Space Agency Edition

Best joke so far this year.



By Howie at 07:16 AM | Comments |

June 22, 2018

Sandcrawler Intermission: No Crying Edition

Can't we all just get along?

By Howie at 09:17 AM | Comments |

April 03, 2018

Introducing New Facebook Feature Facebook Brain Dead

Some days you're just sitting at the gas station, ans some bitch starts playing with your piece.

Ooopsie.

By Howie at 07:21 AM | Comments |

March 12, 2018

Tie Fighters! 100% Proof!

Pentagon declassifies encounter with an Imperial Tie Fighter.

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Was this an actual Tie Fighter? Some internet analysts say, "Yes!"

By Howie at 08:25 AM | Comments |

February 26, 2018

Free Free Heather Locklear!

Beat up her main squeeze and three cops.

Heather Locklear was arrested Sunday night for felony domestic violence and battery on a police officer.

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Police responded to a call about domestic violence, and during the arrest, the 56-year-old “Melrose Place” alum allegedly became combative and allegedly attacked a police officer, TMZ reported Monday.

She was also arrested on three counts of misdemeanor battery of a peace officer.

What kind of a cop charges battery for being hit on by Heather Locklear? I mean just look how innocent!

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Join Jawa Report in our effort to Free Free Heather Locklear!

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By Howie at 10:36 AM | Comments |

February 20, 2018

Jawa Olympics Coverage

I hear there are Olympics.



By Howie at 08:13 AM | Comments |

February 10, 2018

Sandcrawler Intermission

I'm watching TeeVee.

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And taking a nap... or both...

By Howie at 02:15 PM | Comments |

January 30, 2018

Sandcrawler Predictions!

This seems an accurate forecast..


By Howie at 09:14 AM | Comments |

January 25, 2018

The Farce Awakens!

By Howie at 11:26 AM | Comments |

January 24, 2018

Sandcrawler PSA: Coming Soon

By Howie at 06:52 PM | Comments |

December 15, 2017

A Jawa Intermission

Disco, it ain't dead....

Also If you're at the airport...

And you see a girl in a LOL shirt, run like hell.

By Howie at 09:10 AM | Comments |

December 12, 2017

Caption Contest: Krispy Crotch Episode II Edition (Fatwas Issued!)

Caption this image of Akayed Ullah.

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Because making fun of terrorists is permitted.

Fatwas will be issued.

Update: Fatwas Issued!

I'm so excited!

Anyway the I Will Cut UR Neck Fatwa issued against Kalifornia Kafir for

From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee...
Because....

The Why U Insult Holly Koran? Fatwa issued against Mike for

Chest and nuts roasting on a open fire..
The Devi Will Do Meetballs From UR Body Fatwa issued against Matt for
I blew the meatballs off my body!

By Howie at 10:56 AM | Comments |

November 18, 2017

RIP Malcolm

Malcolm Young has passed away.

Today it is with deep heartfelt sadness that AC/DC has to announce the passing of Malcolm Young.

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Malcolm, along with Angus, was the founder and creator of AC/DC.
With enormous dedication and commitment he was the driving force behind the band.

As a guitarist, songwriter and visionary he was a perfectionist and a unique man.
He always stuck to his guns and did and said exactly what he wanted.
He took great pride in all that he endeavored. His loyalty to the fans was unsurpassed.

As his brother it is hard to express in words what he has meant to me during my life, the bond we had was unique and very special.

He leaves behind an enormous legacy that will live on forever.

Malcolm, job well done.

1/2 of the best guitar duo ever, truly a rocker all the way to the bone.

By Howie at 10:40 AM | Comments |

November 17, 2017

Sandcrawler PSA: No Dancing!

What a cute little puppy! Ahhhhhh!

By Howie at 09:46 AM | Comments |

November 03, 2017

Feel Good Video Of The Day



By Howie at 07:13 AM | Comments |

October 25, 2017

Jawa Hero Fats Domino Passes Away

We'll miss Fats... His composition covered by Cheap Trick is a fave among Zionist Internet Spies.

We promise to use it next time someone complains about a terrorist being droned.

By Howie at 12:54 PM | Comments |

October 17, 2017

Live Brooklyn Cowstream!

Run Bessie run!



Update: Brooklyn Cow is saved!

By Howie at 11:53 AM | Comments |

October 16, 2017

Juice!

I knew as soon as they let OJ out things would happen.


OMG!

By Howie at 08:07 AM | Comments |

September 29, 2017

Video: Progressive Democracy in Action

Is on the move in Uganda.

I dig that James Brown spin move the one dude makes. So cool.

By Howie at 09:29 AM | Comments |

August 21, 2017

Eclipse 2017! Live Coverage of The End of Civilization

It was nice knowing you guys.

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See you Tuesday! Oh yeah....um, have a nice day!

Update: 10:30 AM CDT: This ain't shit....

Update: 10:45 am CDT: THIS SUCKS!

Update: 11:01 am CDT: NASA is FOS!

Update: 11:20 am CDT: Fake News!

Update: 11:44 am CDT: Hoax!

Update: 11:53 am CDT: I can't believe I paid $200.00 for these glasses!

Update: 11:56 am CDT: Oh shit!

Updated: 12.04 pm CDT: That's no moon!

Update: 12:22 pm CDT: We're doomed!

Update: 01:31 pm CDT: Awesome!

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Image Credit Doug

Well I guess we're still here..... no rest for the wicked they say.

By Howie at 01:19 PM | Comments |

August 16, 2017

We're Saved!

Since John died I've been unable to predict the future. There are perilous times. America was just about to go in the shitter. But now!


By Howie at 03:49 PM | Comments |

August 10, 2017

Can You Help Out a Fellow American?

Who is working day in day out to secure his food supply?


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Now that is some funny shit right there. But Terrence needs to invite us to dinner. Ask Rusty, free food is like my Holy Grail.....

By Howie at 10:44 AM | Comments |

July 28, 2017

What Happened To Bilal Ahmed: Making it Big Edition

You know these Bilal Ahmed things usually end badly. But not this time!

“Since the death of his father, Bilal became the bread earner for us,” his mother Mugli Begum said, added that Bilal collected over 14,000 kg trash per year. “He didn't bear my pain while doing hard work, He abandoned studies to relieve my suffering,” she said.

Bilal, while narrating his story with this Correspondent at his Laharwarpora resident, said there is a lot of trash around Wular Lake. “It poisons water and since it impacts the prospect of tourists and what they think of the lake, I decided to clean it. I’ve been cleaning the lake from the year 2012,” Bilal says, adding that the work earns him about Rs. 6000 every month.

Bilal believes that he’s been largely alone in his quest to clean the lake

....When contacted SMC Commissioner Shafkat khan said that “Bilal is our brand ambassador. Bilal is an inspirational character for everyone. Since last five years Bilal has been earning his livelihood by cleaning the Wular Lake and removing garbage, used bottles and shoes.” Khan said that Bilal will get a special uniform of SMC and a vehicle to visit different areas to motivate people, shopkeepers and commuters to keep Wular clean. He will tell them the story of his life, his work in Wular and he will meet people to sensitise them about cleanliness and garbage disposal.

So I'm going to end the Bilal Ahmad series now before any more disasters befall him, let Bilal go out on a high note.

By Howie at 09:03 AM | Comments |

June 10, 2017

Batman is Dead

Adam West died last night.


Bummer.


By Howie at 11:49 AM | Comments |

June 02, 2017

Mike Huckabee Takes Internet

Everyday there is a winner on the internet, today that winner is Mike huckabee.



By Howie at 09:34 AM | Comments |

May 27, 2017

RIP Gregg Allman


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(Derek Trucks left Warren Haynes right)

By Howie at 06:37 PM | Comments |

May 17, 2017

A Jawa Prayer

Dear Lord please let this be true.


I promise to believe absolutely everything she says, no questions asked.

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So um what did ya'll want again?

By Howie at 07:39 AM | Comments |

May 15, 2017

The Maker Turns 73

Yesterday was Star Wars creator and the only man known to have banged Penny Marshall, Arthur C. Clarke's birthday!



By Howie at 10:44 AM | Comments |

Murphy Attends Wedding Party

Well on the bright side, um.... Ok so there is no bright side.



By Howie at 07:40 AM | Comments |

May 02, 2017

Cat-O-Phobia Strikes Oregon!

Legal weed does have its drawbacks.

Efforts to contact CAIR for a statement proved unfruitful.

By Howie at 07:02 AM | Comments |

May 01, 2017

Sandcrawler PSA: The Penalty For Blaspheming Kate Upton is Death

I hereby issue a death Fatwa against Andrew Stiles!

EDITORS' NOTE: This column by the disgraced former journalist Andrew Stiles originally appeared in the May 2017 issue of War Fancy magazine, the Free Beacon’s monthly print publication and the official magazine of the Backyard Axe Throwing League. Over the weekend, hundreds of subscribers wrote letters, sent emails, and posted on social media to express their rage in response to the columnist’s views. Many threatened to cancel their subscriptions, which is somewhat odd since the Free Beacon is, well, free. Staff writer Brent Scher threatened to resign. Free Beacon ombudsman Biff Diddle reported (by proxy) that his voicemail inbox was "more repugnant than the Port-a-Pots at Taco Fest" and "gave me flashbacks to Grenada." We have decided to republish the column here in furtherance of our ironclad commitment to free speech and unrestrained preemptive warfare in the battle for truth and enlightenment.


This. Shall. Not. Stand!

Mashallah!

By Howie at 09:58 AM | Comments |

April 21, 2017

Feel Good Video of The Day: Protestor Takes Friendly Skateboard to The Face

Not to mention the pepper spray.

Hat Tip: Chris.

By Howie at 01:19 PM | Comments |

Where's Howie?

I been on the phone.


By Howie at 07:57 AM | Comments |