February 10, 2012

Huzzah! The weekend is here and, as an added bonus, I don't have to look at work until the 21st!

The original cut:

(Hat Tip: IHateTheMedia)

Rush Limbaugh's parody is here.

February 08, 2012

Happy Midweek Day!

I used to call it Hump Day, but that wouldn't be polite considering Rusty's condition. No worries, them Cialis folks will have him back to his normal once a month self any day now.

February 07, 2012

Now, where to spend my $1000...

In a bid to capture the armed robber who last month stole a $250 sex doll from an Iowa City adult store, police today released a surveillance photo showing the suspect making off with the item.

Seen above, the image shows the ski mask-clad man carrying the sex doll inside the Romantix Pleasure Palace shop at around 3 AM on January 12.

Before releasing the store surveillance photo, cops pixelated it to obscure explicit images on the box of the “F--k Me Silly #1” model “mega masturbator.”

I can't quote the rest of the story without heavily censoring it.

In: Bradying.

BTW, this was my favorite Super Bowl The Big Game commercial from Sunday. Because I am notorious for my love of cats.

Get your fix.

No, seriously:

Stanislaus Grzeskowiak, 36, allegedly planned acts of terrorism that, according to police, would have affected oil companies, credit card companies, cellphone companies, the University of Alaska and Alaska State Troopers....

Grzeskowiak, a resident of North Pole, a town in the Fairbanks North Star borough, was arrested without incident and is being held in the Fairbanks Correctional Center.

h/t:@El_Grillo1

February 06, 2012

Happy. F*cking. Monday.

This Monday needs to go into a burn bag.

February 04, 2012

But nooooooooo, you didn't listen. I'll be out of touch for awhile. Heading to the Dagobah system for some lush tropical R and R.

An Islamic scholar explains how to keep Satan away during prayers and out of your dreams.

I wonder if this method will work with Jehovah Witnesses?

February 03, 2012

Have a nice weekend.

We're on track for Snowmageddon, apparently. I swear every time the weather dude says "Thundersnow" a dark wet stain appears on the crotch of his trousers.

Forecast is 8-12 inches.

That's snow, Dmartyr, don't get excited.

February 02, 2012

Happy Friday Eve!

Lol, I love this show.

February 01, 2012

Hump, hump, humpity hump day. A day Nanabozoh is well familiar with.

In other news, fans of Rush (the band, not America's Anchorman) celebrate that today is 2112. Or something.

January 31, 2012

Enjoy!

January 30, 2012

Cheer up, cupcakes! Friday is one day closer!

It's comedy and the model could lose a couple of pounds, but put this burqa tank top on someone hot and .... well ... imagine the possibilities.

H/T: Bubbe

Watching this video gave me a great idea! And it would raise TONS of money, maybe even get us out of debt!

I call it "Taser Tag" and it works like this: For a reasonable fee, police give a paying citizen a taser. The citizen is then escorted into an #Occupy encampment where he or she can select and tase the hippie of their choice. The police would then arrest the hippie and the next paying customer would enter.

I'm telling you, this is GOLD. People will be lining up around the block for a chance to tase a hippie.

January 24, 2012

Hockey. Right. Sure, we believe you Mrs. Kerry.

There's a new terrorist threat in town...

Concord Patch: Concordian Lydia Lodynsky plans to present three petition articles at the April Town Meeting aimed at keeping cats close to home, and out of neighboring yards, reports Boston.com.

Lodynsky's yard, which used to be filled with colorful birds of all types, is now home to just run-of-the-mill sparrows and such after neighborhood cats have preyed on her beloved birds.

"Watching this all in my own yard literally made me sick," Lodynsky told Boston.com. "This no longer is respite for me - it has become a detriment to my health. I have become a victim in my own yard to terrorist cats that kill everything in sight."

January 21, 2012

January 20, 2012

A couple of months ago I posted a video of Oskar, a newly adopted blind kitten. (If you haven't seen it before, or don't remember it, go watch now. We'll wait here.)

I thought those who enjoyed that video might like to know how he is doing. Oskar now has his own Youtube channel. This is one of several videos posted there:

(May be NSFW. Movie make-up gore.)

Seriously. Mates don't let mates fancy James.

January 19, 2012

Hat Tip: Jihad Watch.

January 18, 2012

FACT - Between his job teaching college courses and tending to his beet farm with his cousin Mose, Newt Gingrich enjoyed sci-fi conventions and collecting martial arts weaponry.

But Newt always wanted more.

January 13, 2012

My secretary just walked down the hall and asked me what was so funny. Watch it all the way to the end, you tea party terrorists!

Thanks to rdbrewer.

January 11, 2012

An HMF photoshop

They fight cooler:

They can dance better:

They're cleaner:

They are better security than dogs (Thanks, J!):

There are even Jedi cats. How many Jedi dogs have you seen that are this cool?

Three Muslimahs want, like, us Infidels to know that we don't have to be terrified of them or, like, stuff.

"You're supposed to talk to people peacefully first..."

Hon, it isn't the "first" us kufar have a problem with.

Let's just hope our islamophobia doesn't interrupt them from getting epiphanies and stuff.

January 10, 2012

December 31, 2011

December 27, 2011

(Hat Tip: Blanco)

An NC shop clerk took on an armed robber and knock him out cold with one punch. But to add insult to injury, the clerk put the would-be robber to work (all emphasis mine):

The man eventually regained consciousness.

“He kind of begged me, begged me to let him go,” Mothershead said. “I said, 'You came in and tried to rob us. You’re going to jail.'”

While they waited for police and paramedics, Mothershead gave the man a roll of power towels, sprayed the floor with cleaner and told him to clean up his own blood.

Video:

December 25, 2011

This is a video I put together a few years ago for a Jewish friend.

December 17, 2011

Here's your dilemma: You're at an #Occupy protest with your kids and it's your turn in the drum circle. How do you keep the children entertained? Like any good parent, you give them a coloring book!

Oh, wait, the creator states it's not for kids. I guess a coloring book is way too advanced for a child of a hippie. It is meant for the mentality of an adult #Occutard.

After protesters have mastered coloring within the lines, they can move to a more complex reading series entitled, "Dick And Jane In Zuccotti Park" about the adventures of two young explorers avoiding the pitfalls feces-filled encampments and the lure of child-molesters offering free brownies.

This project has inspired me to create my own #OWS coloring book. Below the fold is a sneak peek at just one of the many drawings you'll find. And, unlike the "Police Brutality Coloring Book," which requires many different color crayons like blood red, police blue, bruising yellow and corporate green, my book only requires one color - brown.

December 15, 2011

(Hat Tip: Burge and Howie)

For those of you who are feeling a bit guilty for getting some perverse enjoyment out of tormenting kids, click here and drop a few bucks for some children who would love to be pranked at home on Christmas.

Even if you don't feel guilty, go donate anyway. It might save your soul on Judgment Day.

Run out to your mailbox now and just wait. It will be delivered by those goofy hoarders soon....very soon....compared to the process of extinction.

May The Force Be With You. And Stay Away From Rusty's Wife, Vinnie

We've got a water tower!

December 08, 2011

For 45 minutes the Israelis fought wind and sea to make sure the two Iranians got back to shore safely. But then:

"When we told them we're Israelis they just got up and fled," Nimrod noted.

Thanks to DJ.