July 21, 2014

European Protesters Riot, Call for Muslims to Stop Butchering Muslims All Over the World

Yeah, I know, too obvious .... but it's all I have!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 03:57 PM | Comments |

July 06, 2014

The $50 Lesson

I saw this on Twitter and thought it was funny:

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?" She replied, "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed.

"Wow... what a worthy goal!" I told her. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that! You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out and give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?" I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

By DMartyr at 01:13 PM | Comments |

June 27, 2014

Absolute Proof The Egyptians Were Visited by Space Aliens!


By Howie at 03:21 PM | Comments |

May 29, 2014

The Devil Really Will Do Meetballs From Ur Body

If you're not a long time reader you may not get this, but what the heck.



By Howie at 09:09 AM | Comments |

May 15, 2014

More Proof on Darwin's Theory

When testing your bulletproof vest, chose your shooter very carefully. Very very carefully.

A South Carolina woman shot and accidentally killed a friend while testing out his bulletproof vest.

Sheriff’s deputies in Anderson County said the victim, 26-year-old Blake Wardell, had been hanging out in a garage with about eight to 10 friends early Wednesday when they decided to try out the Kevlar vest.

Investigators said 18-year-old Taylor Ann Kelly fired a shot at Wardell’s chest but missed the Kevlar.

The victim’s friends performed CPR until paramedics arrived about 2:45 a.m., but Wardell was pronounced dead at the scene.

Kelly was arrested and charged with involuntary manslaughter, which carries a possible five-year prison term, if she’s convicted.

He's dead Jim!

His brain is missing!

Update: More here at Bearing Arms, who points out it was an old flak jacket not a kevlar vest. Plus slutty selfie of shooter.

By Howie at 10:54 AM | Comments |

Russian Diplomat: Pussy Riot Suffering From PJB

Buzzfeed:

A senior diplomat at the Russian embassy in Washington made sexist statements about Pussy Riot in 2012 emails, suggesting that the all-female protest group “just need a good f*ck.”

eferring to Novaya Gazeta, Russia’s only investigative newspaper. “Imagine someone did that somewhere in Saudi Arabia, one of the greatest democracies on Earth and the U.S. ally. By the way, Russia is a orthodox (predominantly) country, so they had rather think twice before doing it. Now they have to be held accountable, as you put it.

Generally, I am of the opinion that those pussies are simply not happy in their sexual life. And that makes them riot. They simply need a good f..k, not SIZO. Unfortunately, we don’t have such a capital punishment in our criminal law.”

Yeah! And then make me a sammich!


By Howie at 08:31 AM | Comments |

May 02, 2014

#ReplaceFamousQuoteWithDude

Dudes, go have fun at Twitter.

Here's two I posted...

Star Wars:

darthdudefather.jpg

Harry Potter:

pottervoldemortmeme.jpg

I photoshopped another:

muhammad looks in the mirror - dude.jpg

By DMartyr at 03:15 PM | Comments |

May 01, 2014

Caption Contest: The Dog Show

Best picture ever taken at a dog show:

dog_show.jpg

No fatwas, just have fun!

(Hat Tip: Micah Goulart at Twitter)

By DMartyr at 10:08 AM | Comments |

April 14, 2014

Happpy Passover!

Happy Passover. That reminds me of an old joke.

What do Jewish women make for their husbands during Passover? Chag Pesach sameaches, of course.

Still here? That chag pesach sameach isn't going to make itself.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 01:52 PM | Comments |

April 10, 2014

Art! Man Lives Inside Bear

Now if he'd just mate with a pig Al Gore's fantasy would finally come true

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:41 AM | Comments |

April 06, 2014

Oops: When Terrorism Goes Right (Yet AGAIN!)

This is turning out to be a good year for Islamic terrorists!

DAMASCUS: At least 29 rebels died in a blast Sunday in the central Syrian city of Homs as they primed a car bomb for an attack, a monitoring group said.

suicide bombing for dummies.jpg

Related:
Oops: When Terrorism Goes Right
Oops: When Terrorism Goes Right (Again!)

By DMartyr at 07:52 PM | Comments |

March 17, 2014

Happy International Drink and Fight Day

Today, everyone is Irish so you now have permission to get drunk and fight your friends.

>

St. Patrick's Day is just like Fight Club, only they can't stop talking about it.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 12:21 PM | Comments |

March 16, 2014

When Pranks Turn Funny!

A social experiment goes right:

By DMartyr at 12:06 PM | Comments |

March 15, 2014

Oops: When Terrorism Goes Right

I guess he didn't want to get a ticket for parking in front of building...

MOGADISHU, Somalia (AP) -- A Somali police officer says a suicide car bomber accidentally detonated his explosives near a popular hotel in the Somali capital.

Capt. Mohamed Hussein said the bomber appeared to have prematurely detonated his explosives-laden car Saturday as he tried to park near a hotel. No others were hurt or killed in the blast.

suicide bombing for dummies.jpg

By DMartyr at 10:32 AM | Comments |

March 05, 2014

Inevitable: Putin Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize

Also, Edward Snowden, natch:

US whistleblower Edward Snowden, Pakistani schoolgirl Malala Yousafzai and Russian President Vladimir Putin are among the nominees for this year's Nobel Peace Prize, as the Nobel Institute announced Tuesday a record 278 candidates...

The former KGB agent is credited with averting a US attack against Syria by suggesting putting Bashar al-Assad's regime's chemical weapons arsenal under international control.

Putin should give a speech. That ought to clinch it for him.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:49 AM | Comments |

March 03, 2014

Where's Howie?

Unfortunately someone else has been accused of the dastardly crime.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:32 AM | Comments |

February 26, 2014

Egyptian Military General Invents Device That Turns AIDS Virus Into Nutritious Kebabs

HIV_detector.png

From Times of Israel:

More than 36 million people worldwide have died from the AIDS virus across the globe, and another 35.3 million are currently living with the disease.

But they no longer have any reason to worry. The Egyptian Army has defeated the disease.

And Hepatitis-C.

Or so claimed Egyptian Gen. Dr. Ibrahim Abdel-Atti, chief of the medical branch. "We defeated AIDS, and rest assured, we defeated AIDS," Abdel-Atti said Sunday at a press conference. [...]

Abdel-Atti said he had pioneered a method by which he could extract the disease and break it into amino acids, "so that the virus becomes nutrition for the body instead of disease. This is a miracle in scientific research."

"I take AIDS from the patient, and feed the patient on AIDS, I give it to him as a kebab skewer to feed on," he said

There is clear evidence the device works. CCTV Africa was able to produce footage of General Abdel-Atti telling a patient he no longer had AIDS.

That's evidence enough to convince me! Everyone will be cured, inshallah. Anyone who isn't cured, well obviously Allah wasn't willing.

(Hat Tip: IHateTheMedia)

By DMartyr at 02:40 PM | Comments |

February 24, 2014

As We Find Out on The Train

Its all the same effing day anyway.

1779801_10151989089184150_1701231487_n.jpg

Thanks to Vinnie.

By Howie at 10:59 AM | Comments |

February 15, 2014

Post-Valentine Day Music: Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend

H/T: Professor Chaos after being reminded by Damn Dirty Rhino

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:24 PM | Comments |

January 29, 2014

Rusty Reacts to Last Night's State of the Union Address

Wait, what? I honestly haven't watchd one of those in years. Besides, me and my new buddy Marty were out hover skateboarding all night. Fun guy, but I still can't figure out why he was so interested in who won the World Series from 1985 - 2013.

marty mcfly_2.jpg

Thanks to Maetenloch.

---Oooops. Something was wrong with that image. I dunno why, Ace and I share a server, but the image wasn't working. So I uploaded a copy of it and put it above the fold. The "Marty" reference probably makes more sense now.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 12:00 PM | Comments |

January 13, 2014

Stunning Snowden Revelation: Racist Aliens Behind US Power

I'm stunned. This is incontravertable proof that "tall white" aliens were behind Hitler and now the US:

A stunning Federal Security Services (FSB) report on the nearly two million highly classified top-secret documents obtained from the United States Department of Defense (DOD) run National Security Agency-Central Security Service (NSA/CSS) by the American ex-patriot Edward Snowden states that this information is providing “incontrovertible proof” that an “alien/extraterrestrial intelligence agenda” is driving US domestic and international policy, and has been doing so since at least 1945...

In Snowden’s own words, this report continues, he outlined to Greenwald the reason for his highly secretive group obtaining and releasing these documents by warning that that there “were actually two governments in the US, the one that was elected, and the other, secret regime, governing in the dark.”

Given that the source is the Russian FSB (the new KGB) being reported on by Iran's Fars News, you'd think the "secret regime" would be, you know, "monied interests" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

But no! It appears that our alien overlords are not the "Zionists" but rather, outer space is controlled by Scandis:

Even though Defense Minister Hellyer’s exact statements to the FSB in regards to Snowden’s documents remain classified, shortly after his “extensive electronic interview” by the FSB he was allowed to appear on Russia Today’s program SophieCo this past fortnight where he shockingly admitted that aliens have “been visiting our planet for thousands of years” and described several types of these extraterrestrials, including “Tall Whites” who are working with the US Air Force in Nevada.
Tall. Whites. And what else have these tall white aliens been up to? Helping the Nazis, natch:
Of the many explosive revelations in this FSB report, the one most concerning to Russian authorities are the Snowden’s documents “confirming” that the “Tall Whites” (further revealed by Defense Minister Hellyer as noted above) are the same extraterrestrial alien race behind the stunning rise of Nazi Germany during the 1930’s.

In just one example of the many outlined in this FSB report, it shows that with this “alien assistance,” at the end of the 1930’s, when Nazi Germany possessed just 57 submarines, over the four years of World War II it built 1,163 modern technologically advanced submarines at its dockyards and even put them into operation.

And it's not just the Nazis. Remember that old slogan, "I like Ike"? Part of an alien plot:
Snowden’s documents further confirm, this report says, the “Tall Whites” (Nordic) meetings in 1954 with US President Dwight D. Eisenhower where the “secret regime” currently ruling over America was established.
Wait, so the Iranians are saying that the Russians are saying that Edward Snowden is saying that a bunch of racist aliens are the real puppetmasters?

I thought the Iranians and Russians blamed the J-O-Os for the "secret regime"?

I'm so confused.

But wait, there's more! Who is behind the NSA's electronic surveillance program? The aliens:

Most disturbingly, this FSB report warns, is that the “Tall White” agenda being implemented by the “secret regime” ruling the United States calls for the creation of a global electronic surveillance system meant to hide all true information about their presence here on earth as they enter into what one of Snowden’s documents calls the “final phase” of their end plan for total assimilation and world rule.
And who else do these racist aliens have on their side? The first black President, of course:
Most to be feared by Russian policy makers and authorities, this report concludes, is if those opposing the “Tall White” “secret regime” ruled over by Obama have themselves aligned with another alien-extraterrestrial power themselves.
Ok, so Obama is aligned with one group of aliens, but then others are aligned with these other unnamed other aliens?

I think I've seen this story before.

Thanks to @intelwire

*An earlier version of this post erroneously titled it "Sunning Snowden". Call it a Freudian slip ... you know what was on my mind.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 01:45 PM | Comments |

January 08, 2014

Where's .... Everyone?

Howie:

Omaha national guardsman Travis Kitkowski is offering his apologies to two Nebraska police officers after he attacked them while running down the street nude, high on bath salts.
Vinnie:
Oklahoman given 'atomic wedgie' died from suffocation, trauma to head.

A man has been arrested in a Pottawatomie County, Oklahoma homicide. The man said he gave his stepfather, who died from suffocation and trauma, an “atomic wedgie,” officials said.

DMartyr
An upstate New Yorker held his entire family hostage for a week armed with only 15 cases of beer, police said.
Matt Damon:
Two suspected methamphetamine manufacturers were taken into custody in Oregon after they tried to tip their server with an envelope crammed full of the drug following an evening of dinner and drinks at a restaurant in Seaside.

Ryan Bensen, 40, and Erica Manley, 37, went to the Twisted Fish Steakhouse for a good meal and ended up on the hook for charges of possession and manufacture of methamphetamine after their server turned them in to police.

.... and .... Rusty is .....

jihadi ass burning jump.jpg

Photo courtesy The Realist of Queensland

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 03:37 PM | Comments |

January 07, 2014

How Cold Is It?

democrat_cold.jpg

(Hat Tip: George Takei)

By DMartyr at 03:05 PM | Comments |

December 31, 2013

For Siraj Davis

Happy New Year!

It's an onion, man. Layers.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 05:12 PM | Comments |

December 21, 2013

Rachel Maddow + Chris Hayes = Pajama Boy

rachel_maddow_chris_hayes_pajama_boy.jpg

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 04:28 PM | Comments |

December 03, 2013

Have You Ever Had A Dreams Thats...

Well, it started out okay...

I shouldn't laugh. This is exactly what I am like before my morning coffee...

Nailed it! Rock on, kid!

By DMartyr at 03:06 PM | Comments |

Last Straw: al Qaeda Threatens to Behead Kittehs!

al qaeda kitties.jpg

H/T:@switch_d

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 01:50 PM | Comments |

November 26, 2013

Where's Howie?

Getting pelted by his own groceries. Which is the grown up equivalent of the "Why are you hitting yourself" thing the bullies at school used to do to him.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 12:55 PM | Comments |

November 18, 2013

Breaking Bad Alternate Ending

By DMartyr at 11:38 AM | Comments |

HELL NO! The Sensible Horror Film

(Hat Tip: Law Of Self Defense)

Below the fold, a bonus horror film: Stay Indoors.

By DMartyr at 11:09 AM | Comments |

November 11, 2013

The Steve Martin of Deer

That's one wild and crazy deer!

wild-and-crazy-deer.jpg

Alright, I don't get this. Why didn't they just shoot it and eat it? Mmmmm, Bambi .....

Yeah, it's that time of year again when I blog from my deer stand. Wish me luck and .... HAPPY VETERANS DAY!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 06:05 PM | Comments |

October 24, 2013

Healthcare.gov Downfall

Thanks to Stardrawn.

By Howie at 03:23 PM | Comments |

October 23, 2013

Online Jihad + Healthcare.org = Leno Funny

Leno:

Here’s a very disturbing story. You may have heard about this. 25-year-old man in New York arrested for trying to join al Qaeda. Well, here is the amazing part. He said it was still easier to join al Qaeda using their website than it was to sign up for ObamaCare. And he was in! He was in, in like, two minutes!
It's funny because it's true.

Also, scary.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 04:29 PM | Comments |

October 16, 2013

Quote of the Day

davidschweikert.jpg
" When you have 18 percent of GDP coming in in cash, less than 2 percent going out in debt coverage—I’m stunned you all fall for it in the press. None of you were math majors, were you?” -- Rep. David Schweikert (R - AZ) to reporters who couldn't understand why not raising the debt ceiling wasn't the same thing as defaulting on the debt.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 03:22 PM | Comments |

OMFG: Bush Blamed for Shutdown

Your morning low-information voter funny.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:21 AM | Comments |

October 11, 2013

Freaks On A Plane

If you ask me, here's how the crew and other passengers should have handled it:

By DMartyr at 08:34 PM | Comments |