July 08, 2014

Jawa Report's Annual Insult Omar! Open Thread (Fatwas Issued!)

Go ahead,

Insult Omar. He likes it and losing, insults and losing.

Omar has a terribly empty feeling ---- in his skull!

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but Omar abused the privilege.

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if Omar had enough oxygen at birth?

Leaving so soon Omar? I was just about to poison the tea.

Omar has one brain cell, and it is fighting for dominance.

I don't think Omar is a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?

It is mind over matter. I don't mind, because Omar doesn't matter.

Omar doesn't sweat much, for a fat girl.

Omar is about as useful as a windshield wiper on a goat's ass.

Omar, would you like some cheese and crackers to go with that whine?

The overwhelming power of the sex drive was demonstrated by the fact that someone was willing to father Omar.

Someone said Omar isn't fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for him and said, 'oh yes she is.'

Add to the list, Fatwas will be issued.

Update: Fatwas Issued!

The I Will Cut Ur Neck fatwa issued against Charles Martel for,

Omar sounds like a pussy.
The Why U Insult Holly Koran fatwa issued against Faboutlaws for,
I wish people spoke that highly of me.
And the Devil Will Do Meetballs From Ur Body fatwa issued against kekekekeke for,
Omar couldn't catch the clap in a Yemeni whore house.

By Howie at 01:18 PM | Comments |

June 20, 2014

In Search of Fatwa?

If you were like on Earth this week you heard that the US patent office, for some reason harrycouhgchokereidhack revoked the Washington Redskins Tradmark. So folks have been making suggestions. I like this one.


Fatwa?

By Howie at 02:16 PM | Comments |

May 19, 2014

Fatwa This! The Real Green Birds of Paradise

You know, Islamists are always calling us the real terrorist and spreading this myth that dead muj become "Green Birds" and go strait to paradise.....

When I have the actual Green Birds of Paradise right here.

greenbirdsofparadise.jpg
click for bigger boobs

Fatwa?

Oh and just in case you were wondering what in the hell is taking Rusty so long, its his construction project.

rustyunderconstruction.jpg
click for bigger boobs

Hat Tip: WTF.

By Howie at 12:24 PM | Comments |

April 24, 2014

Fatwa?


By Howie at 10:12 AM | Comments |

March 16, 2014

Fatwas Fatwas Everywhere

But not a single one for Jawa.

Here is the so called offensive tweet.


Haram and/or offensive to Muslims.

While tweets of the heads of Syrian Muslim Rebels who rebelled against the Abu Musab al-Zarqawi branch of al-Qaeda in Iraq's (ISIS) attempt to rule over Syria.

WARNING: Graphic images below the fold.

Update 03/18/2014: The person posing with the heads below the fold is Dutch jihadi Maar de teksten die K., alias Abudurahman. The heads are claimed to be al_nusra fighters who rebelled against ISIS.

bdurahman, apparently a Dutch jihadi from Almere, can be seen on You Tube with a bloody knife behind five cut-off heads. He is originally from Iraq, and has lived more than ten years in The Netherlands. He lived there off of social security as he was found unfit to work and used drugs against claustrophobia and schizophrenia.

In 2012 an AFP picture emerged on which Abdurahman could be seen next to a dead body, while he was reading the Koran. Initially he joined the Jabhat-al Nusra movement in Syria, which is linked to Al Qaida. It seems that he has now moved to the even more barbarian ISIS jihadis

Hearing voices?

Batshit Homicidal Crazy?

*The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria wants you!

*Sorry about ruining your breakfast dude. Truth has a way of doing that. I'm sure the major networks have nice sanitized breakfast friendly news for you.


Is Halal or not offensive to Muslims and is permitted by the silent and complicit Twitter, who might, you know, get a Fatwa for banning butchery and murder.

If you don't get why they murder of Muslims at the hands of other Muslims doesn't cause outrage, join the club.

By Howie at 07:11 PM | Comments |

March 12, 2014

Muslims Ban Upcoming Mega-Flop "Noah"

Meh, does this even bother anybody anymore?

One of the world's most respected Islamic institutions has issued a fatwa against a Hollywood epic about Noah's Ark because it 'contradicts the teachings of Islam'.
Russell Crowe's Ł75million film Noah has also been banned in three Arab countries after religious leaders complained that it depicted the Biblical figure - who is also a holy messenger in the Koran.
Due to premiere later this month, the blockbuster will not show in Qatar, Bahrain or the United Arab Emirates and several other countries are expected to follow suit.
This kind of censorship happens every day in the Islamic world and yet I'm told that the real villains are the Koch brothers.

If I might bastardize a phrase from So I Married an Ax Murderer:Hey Jane, get me off this crazy thing called .... Earth.

)

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:05 PM | Comments |

March 04, 2014

Fatwa This!

Fatwa Fatwa Fatwa!

Fatwa?!

By Howie at 10:21 AM | Comments |

March 01, 2014

Muslimas Smarter Than You Think

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Fatwa?

Hat Tip: Sam

The I Will Cur Ur Neck!Fatwa issued against Tonto for...

i've herd this goat joke before.. and i'm tired of all the kidding around..
Seriously? Blasphemy!

The Why U insult Holly Koran Fatwa issued against Kuffar for...

Having a goat means never having to say you're sorry...
The Devil Will Do Meetballs From Your Body Fatwa issued against Valerie for ....
I have no idea why my comment above posted three times. That was certainly not my intent.

By Howie at 03:44 PM | Comments |

February 24, 2014

Fatwa Forbidden For Kuffar Brunei

Brunei bans Kuffar from using 16 Islamic words.

As Sharia descends upon Brunei, non-Muslims are also forbidden to drink alcohol in public or be in close proximity to a Muslim partner. The banned word list is probably an attempt to forestall criticism of Islam, which is also forbidden to non-Muslims in Islamic law. In the West, the mainstream media has already voluntarily adopted this Sharia provision, even without a banned word list.

“19 Islamic words banned for non-Muslims in Brunei,” from The Sun Daily, February 23 (thanks to The Religion of Peace):

They are azan; baitullah; Al Quran; Allah; fatwa; Firman Allah; hadith; haji; hukum syara’; ilahi; Ka’bah; kalimah al syahadah; kiblat; masjid; imam; mufti; mu’min; solat; and wali.
Fatwa? Fatwa? Fatwa?

Oh and Ka’bah, that's the big giant cube idol with the cylon vagina inside that all the Muslims bow to and worship five times a day.

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Since we can't say Fatwa, can I get a religious ruling saying that I must face death for insulting the great Cylon Vagina Cult?

By Howie at 10:26 AM | Comments |

February 19, 2014

Rusty Needs to be on Dagestani Islamists "Enemies List"

Over at vDagestan.com, the jihadis promising to blow up the Sochi Olympics also have a public "enemies list". A list of people they think deserve to die for various "crimes against Islam", most of said "crimes" seeming to be really heinous stuff .... like saying bad things about vDagestan in obscure online publications.

This offends me. Not that jihadis would threaten the lives of journalists. No, that doesn't bother me at all. No, what really offends me is that I'm not on that list.

This shall not stand.

Here are a few reasons why Rusty Shackleford ought to be put on vDagestan's enemies list.

1) Hotlinking. Hotlinking is when one website takes images from another website, but uses that other website's bandwidth to do it. Instead of hosting the image on my website, I "steal" it from you. Which is what I'm doing now with this image from vDagestan.


Two Chechen fighters show their support for the US hockey team

Yes, I'm hotlinking you. What are you going to do about it?!?

2) Making fun of martyrs. This guy? Yeah, he's gay. Not in a bad way. No, I mean, I know he's gay. But gay in a really manly way. As in manly-man gay. He took it like a man. Not like some queer boy sissy.


Getting gay w/ Abdul Aziz

Also, I may have just hotlinked that image.

3) Did I mention you guys are gay? This time I mean as a group, not individually like Abdul above. How do I know that? Come on guys, this is really gay.


Gay pride parade in the Caucuses

Also --> HOTLINKED!

4) I spit on your Koran and your "Prophet" Mohammad. And I only spit to put out the fire. Yes, I really burned a Quran.*


Rusty burns Quran

Also, if I'm not on that death list within 48 hours I promise to burn another Quran.

Fatwa?

*PS -- Shhhhh, but oNay actualyay oransKay ereway armedhay orfay isthay ostpay. Wink-wink, nudge nudge.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 05:18 PM | Comments |

Islamic Cleric Issues Fatwa Against Rescuing Princess Leia

They're gonna execute her! Look, a few minutes ago you said you didn't want to just wait here to be captured. Now all you want to do is stay?

Marching into a detention area is not what I had in mind.

Religious clerics in the UAE have issued a fatwa against one-way trips to Mars, arguing that inhabiting the Red Planet goes against Islamic teachings.

“Such a one-way journey poses a real risk to life, and that can never be justified in Islam,” ruled the General Authority of Islamic Affairs and Endowment, the Dubai-based Khaleej Times reported.

“There is a possibility that an individual who travels to planet Mars may not be able to remain alive there, and is more vulnerable to death,” the committee said.


By Howie at 11:44 AM | Comments |

ISIS Interviews Muhammad's Wife Aisha

No, not literally. It's a historical reenactment. At least, I'm pretty sure she's supposed to be Aisha. She's the right age and all.

Fatwa?

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:14 AM | Comments |

February 10, 2014

Caption This! USAID Jihadi Headquaters Tent (Fatwa Issued)

Is it not Haram to depend on the Great Satan for your tent? Any respectable Jihadi would freeze to death first.

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Fatwas will be issued.

The Devil Will Do Meetballs From Your Body Fatwa issued against The Man from Athens for

Oh the Liza Minnelli! She da bomb!

By Howie at 08:00 AM | Comments |

February 06, 2014

Regime Change Iran? Yes We Can!

I went for a Sunni Fatwa yesterday. In the interest of fairness today I'm going for a Shiite Fatwa!

I was just thinking yesterday what genius is is to take a page from AQ and wage financial war against Saudi Arabia by suckering them them into the Syrian quagmire.

Then I realized its a win win. Because by default the Iranians are now wasting blood and treasure in the Syrian Quagmire too. Any assets that are unfrozen in the Iranian sanctions thaw are probably going to Syria, not to boosting the Iranian economy. Sheer twofer genius!

So I know Obama wasted a huge opportunity when the Iranians were protesting just a few years ago. But maybe, just maybe there will be another opportunity. Because after all Iran used to be cool.....

Bfl_aL-IMAAOvRI.jpg

Get rid of the dictator Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and it could be cool once again.

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Smell my finger.

So I need your help, the best insult to Ali Khamenei gets a Fatwa and hopefully if its good enough gets me one too.

Update: Fatwas Issued!

The I Will Cut UR Neck Fatwa issued against Lecroix for

Ok. Who stole the fuse from my hat?
The Why U Insult Holly Koran?Fatwa issued against Captain Harlock for
"Yes! My mood ring is ALWAYS black..... (*like my men ;-)
The Our Hajj Will Be Complete Once We Rape Your Women Fatwa issued against Captain Zero for
And with thees finger I could tell my beloved goat's prostate was swollen.
Keep your feengers crossed for that Fatwa Kids.

*Couldn't resist, gotta get a Fatwa!

By Howie at 09:49 AM | Comments |

January 29, 2014

Wow, Scott Adams Continues His Quest for a Death Fatwa

That's two days in a row. The force is strong with this one.

Dilbert - 1-29-14-death-fatwa.jpg

Seriously, I'm loving this guy. Thanks to Kenny.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:23 AM | Comments |

January 28, 2014

Scott Adams Really Wants that Death Fatwa

Seriously, this is a good way to get yourself killed. Death threats in 4 .... 3 ... 2 ...

Dilbert - 1-28-14-fatwa-drones.jpg

Thanks to Kenny

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:29 PM | Comments |

January 06, 2014

Fatwa This! Ten Commandments Islamic Style

A past her expiration date stripper asked me once if I wanted it Memphis Style, then my eyes adjusted to the light.

Um, no. No I don't.

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Fatwa?

By Howie at 10:46 AM | Comments |

November 19, 2013

And Now An Editorial on the Religion of Peas

If you get jail time in Islamic nations for tweets, just imagine what a whole essay would get?

“The religion of peace,” is in fact the religion of blood.

Distressed by the Muslims’ trouble-making and killing sprees, civilized nations are bending over backward in the hope of placating them and helping them join the family of humanity by admitting hordes of immigrants and affording them all manner of hospitality and assistance. All seems to no avail. Many of the new arrivals, deeply infected by the Islamic ethos, find it impossible to assimilate in the host countries. Instead, they strive to impose their defunct order that is the cause of their backwardness and inhumanity on the host people.

Oh my, he is so going to get a Fatwa for that.

By Howie at 02:00 PM | Comments |

November 12, 2013

Islam Totally 100% Not Gay

MUHAMMADGAY.jpg

Fatwa?

By Howie at 10:33 AM | Comments |

October 22, 2013

Phobes!

Fatwa?

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Thanks to Jeff.

By Howie at 11:05 AM | Comments |

October 19, 2013

Taliban Desecrate Holy Quran!

This week's Why you desecrate holy Quran? award goes to .... The Taliban!

When will the Taliban stop desecrating the Holy Quran?!?!?

Or, Dis Koran is da bomb!

Afghanistan's National Directorate of Security (NDS) - the country's intelligence agency - issued a report on Wednesday that said its initial investigation into the blast that killed Arsala Jamal, the governor of Logar province, showed that the perpetrators had placed the bomb in a copy of the Koran, not a microphone as previously thought
Burning the Quran? That's a sin worthy of the death sentence.

Blowing it up? Not so much.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 10:59 AM | Comments |

October 11, 2013

Stigmatizing Their Critics - An IPT Discussion Panel Focusing on Islamist Intimidation

How CAIR or WTF, the MB and radical Islamists work.


By Howie at 01:12 PM | Comments |

October 04, 2013

Sandcrawler PSA: Occasionally You Should Mow the Yard

NSFW. Or anywhere else for that matter. No really its tasteless, piggish, sexist and insensitive.

So don't watch it.

The things you have to do to get a Fatwa.

By Howie at 09:15 AM | Comments |

October 02, 2013

Fatwa This! New Face of Islam I Mean Terror

Which word is missing from this graphic from The Economist?

BVW3X0dCEAAiqAM.jpg
click for larger

Its the name of a certain Religion of Peace™ is it not?

By Howie at 01:48 PM | Comments |

October 01, 2013

Due to the Shutdown Death Fatwas Will Be Delayed Indefinitely

I'm just going to sit around linking Ace all day. Because without Federal support I just don't think I can achieve my recommended daily amount of Fatwa.

But there is a psychopathic, misdirected-sexual-impulse Death Cult cadre of Islam.

And it's really time we stopped pretending about it. I don't know if talking about this fact "helps" or not. I have no idea if it helps -- or how it would help.

But whether it helps or not, speaking the Truth about things should not be impermissible in society. The truth should not be deemed polite.

And the truth should not be required to produce tangible secondary benefits.

Many PC idiots will say things like, "Well, how does it actually help matters to speak the truth about things?"

What?

Huh? Oh yeah. We will resume accepting Fatwa applications as soon as the current crisis has abated.

By Howie at 08:54 AM | Comments |

September 17, 2013

And Now Classic Jawa Poetry

From the 2004 archives.

There once was a man from Yemen
Whose breath always smelled of semen
a sign on the door
said, "Come back after 4:00...
I'm out giving head to bin Laden."
Ahh the good old days.

By Howie at 03:41 PM | Comments |

August 16, 2013

Muslim Brotherhood Posts Fatwa on Churches

Pajamas Media:

Incitement justifying the burning of churches was posted on the Facebook page of the Freedom and Justice Party, the Islamist party which ousted President Mohamed Morsi leads, in Helwan:
The Pope of the Church is involved in the removal of the first elected Islamist president.

The Pope of the Church alleges Islamic Sharia is backwards, stubborn, and reactionary.

The Pope of the Church sponsors Black Bloc groups to create chaos, pursue banditry, and siege and storm mosques.

The Church mobilizes the Copts in June 30 demonstrations to topple the Islamist president.

The Pope of the Church objects to the articles of Islamic identity and withdraws from the Constituent Assembly.

The Pope of the Church was the first to respond to Al-Sisi’s call to authorize the killing of Muslims and the outcome of the authorization was more than 500 dead today.

The Pope of the Church sends a memo to the current commission to cancel the articles of Sharia.

After all this people ask why they burn the churches.

Note:

Burning houses of worship is a crime.

And for the Church to declare war against Islam and Muslims is the worst offense.

For every action there is a reaction.

Nice little disclaimer they posted on the end there.

How dare those Christians refuse to live as second class citizens and deny the superiority of Islamic domination. For every action there is a reaction.

This is nothing short of the Muslim Brother sanctioning religious persecution and murder of the Coptic minority.

Sharia is the antithesis of Freedom. The Muslim Brotherhood is calling for the freedom to oppress the minority. For them to live as Dhimmis, as the subjects and slaves to Muslims.

Much like the Mahdis war in Sudan a century ago was a war for freedom, the freedom to enslave and trade the Kuffar or the other. They castrated the men and sold the women into sexual slavery.

Freedom, I don't think that word means what the Muslim Brotherhood thinks it means.

Unless and until they are willing to grant their neighbors their freedom as well they are unfit to rule. Sharia be damned.

Exit question; If the ruler of Sudan was the Mahdi? Just how many messiahs does Islam get anyway?

By Howie at 11:55 AM | Comments |

July 29, 2013

Where's Rusty?

He's in hiding, something about a death Fatwa.

al qaeda threatens rusty (1).jpg

By Howie at 10:20 AM | Comments |

July 15, 2013

The Innocence of Islamic Jihad

This video is banned in Spain, because, you know.

Fatwa?

By Howie at 01:14 PM | Comments |

July 10, 2013

Fatwa This! The Prophet(PBUH) Was Wrong Edition

The much coveted I will cut ur neck Fatwa issued againt Bob Beckel for....

Bob Beckel is turning into a regular surprise. In a segment on Boko Haram burning school children alive over the weekend in Nigeria, Beckel called Muslim clerics everywhere cowards for not speaking out against such horrors and said America needs to stop building mosques until we can determine who the terrorist really are.

Apparently Beckel reads Jawa Report's Fatwa This category.

By Howie at 09:33 AM | Comments |

June 20, 2013

Peaceful Misunderstanderer of Islam Threatens to Kill Mom Over Pork Chop

The Smoking Gun:

A Pennsylvania man allegedly threatened to kill his mother because he believed she tried to “poison” him by serving pork, “which was against his Muslim religion," investigators report.

At one point, Coffey went to the kitchen and retrieved a 10-inch kitchen knife. He then returned to the bedroom and “held the knife in a threatening manner,” prompting his mother to “flee out the window of the bedroom onto the roof.” Sherri Coffey subsequently called 911 and then went to a neighbor’s home to await the arrival of officers.

According to cops, Coffey held the knife to the throat of Mark Blair, his mother’s boyfriend, and threatened to kill him if his mother called the police

What a tragedy, this could have all been avoided of only his mother had bought Prophet Brand Pork Chops instead of an inferior store brand

That's right, Prophet Brand Pork Chops. Just like Imam used to make.

Fatwa?

By Howie at 08:07 AM | Comments |

June 19, 2013

Fatwa This! RWCE Edition

Snarky.

By Howie at 07:54 AM | Comments |

June 14, 2013

Fatwa Friday Continued: Hunting the Green Birds of Paradise

Everyone knows that silver bullets kill werewolves, but these babies take care of those pesky green birds of paradise.

So how do you deal with religious extremists who believe that dying for their faith is an Express Ticket to Paradise? Killing them seems to just give them what they think they want. Only wounding them, as in this recent case, leaves the messy business of a public trial,

jihawg1.JPG
Its time to put some ham in Mohammad.

A company in northern Idaho has come up with a culturally sensitive approach. Jihawg Ammo has developed a proprietary system for infusing ballistic paint with pork. The special pork-infused paint is then applied to the bullets of loaded ammunition. The inclusion of pork in the paint makes the bullets haraam, or unclean. Under Islamic law, anyone who comes in contact with any haraam item is then unclean and must engage in a cleansing ritual. No unclean person can be admitted into Paradise. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 72 virgins.

Hat Tip: Media Matters. ;-)

By Howie at 01:01 PM | Comments |

June 12, 2013

Mosque Refuses Shipment of Delicious Bacon

I find it deeply saddening that such a genuinely delicious slab of magic could be let go to waste like this.

Update: Why would CAIR delete a tweet like that? I find it deeply saddening that they are stifling interfaith dialogue.

Here is the original story.

By Howie at 11:37 AM | Comments |

June 10, 2013

Yes Sir Officer Obie, I Cannot Tell a Lie...

I put that sidewalk underneath that anti-Muslim graffiti.

Watford’s MP has written to the Home office after anti-Muslim graffiti appeared outside a West Watford infant school.
koranrubbish.JPG
Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars,
being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
get in the newspaper story about it.

Fatwa?

By Howie at 11:53 AM | Comments |

June 05, 2013

Fatwa This! #FreeFemen Edition

Yeah I know, but I'd rather run #freefemen than #FreeJahar or #FreeAbuMuwahhid.

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click for larger
Femen' feminist organization militants demonstrate and pray next to the Tunisia embassy in Paris, France, on June 5, 2013, asking for the liberation of their fellow militants jailed in Tunisia after topless activist actions. Photo by Ammar Abd Rabbo

More Fatwa seekers below the fold(NSFW).

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By Howie at 09:23 AM | |

June 03, 2013

Fatwa This: Sing Along Edition

By Howie at 08:02 AM | |