February 09, 2012

We don't want your stinking Sharia BS.

But we would like a Fatwa?

February 04, 2012

Iranian regime has no sense of humor.

Now, Iranian lawmaker Arsalan Fat'hipour is telling Iran's PressTV that the country may impose a ban on products from South Korean electronics manufacturer Samsung over a commercial depicting Israelis accidentally destroying an Iranian nuclear facility.

January 09, 2012

Coptic Christian in Egypt to face trial over tweeting above cartoon of Micky and Minnie.

The Central Cairo Prosecution has referred Coptic businessman Naguib Sawiris to trial over charges of defamation of religion.

In June, Sawiris posted a picture depicting Mickey Mouse wearing a beard and Minnie Mouse wearing a face veil on his Twitter account, a cartoon that many Muslims considered offensive.

Sawiris later apologized for posting the cartoon, however, his apology did not manage to calm the anger of Salafis who filed a report accusing him of defaming religion.

January 04, 2012

By the power vested in me, Darth Odie Dark Lord of the Sith, I hereby issue the coveted I Will Cut Your Neck Fatwa against Mark for....

January 03, 2012

Fatwa?

Thanks to Boquisucio.

December 05, 2011

A Pakistani actress who posed in the nude for an Indian magazine with the initials of Pakistan's feared and powerful intelligence agency on her arm has triggered fury across this conservative nation.

Conservative cleric Maulana Abdul Qawi declared on Aaj TV on Saturday that her latest venture into controversy was a "shame for all Muslims."

Image credit BBC:

November 19, 2011

In Pakistan, poking fun of the religion of peace gets you banned from the internet. Calling for violent jihad? Not so much.

It's all about priorities, people. Priorities.

The list is here.

Oh, and congrats to Macker for making the banned list. We're jealous!

November 17, 2011

NowLebanon:

Women in Saudi Arabia who have “sexy eyes” will be forced to cover them up, a spokesperson representing the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice in the Gulf kingdom announced on Wednesday.

Sheikh Motlab al-Nabet said the committee has the right to stop a women whose eyes seem “tempting” and order her to cover them immediately.

It’s not clear how they will determine if a woman’s eyes are “tempting,” but who cares? It's fun to use religion to legitimize the oppression of women. AMIRIGHT?

November 12, 2011

Google Trends

Also according to Jawa report sources Pakistan is also #1 in 'little boys', 'anal rape', 'snake sex', 'man milk', and 'small cock'.

Hat Tip: Rsluty.

November 11, 2011

November 09, 2011

It's called free speech. It means we get to say things that offend you. It's called freedom of religion. It means we get to criticize your religion and your holy figures even if it pisses you off.

Grow up or go back to your backward ass crap piss shit country of yours. You know the one. It's the one I no longer give a shit about. Have fun buggering and oppressing each other there.

Your freedom is not my problem. But when you mess with our freedom? Then it's time for us to grant your wish and make you a shahid.

And to those that equivocate all religions, just remember that the elites in New York just gave a Tony award for a Broadway show which lampoons Mormons. Number of fire bombings by offended Mormons? Zero.

If you criticize the right religion, they praise you. If you criticize the wrong religion, they call you a bigot.

November 02, 2011

French caption reads....
100 lashes if you don't die laughing!
image from Charlie Hedbo

The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has joined the ranks of the unemployed again. Just one day after being named guest editor of the French satirical newspaper Charlie Hedbo, the paper's office was destroyed by fire.

Apparently some Islamophobes feared Muhammad's new position would give him too much power and decided to destroy the paper once and for all.

The phobes hurled back charges that Muhammad's own followers had burned the office calling it an inside job.

When asked for comment Muhammad said that the suggestion that his followers would destroy property was outlandish, "Islam is a religion of peace," he was quoted as saying by several major news outlets.

Update: Thanks to Whocaresanymore for the above image.

File photo of Muhammad(pbuh)

October 22, 2011

Yeah, I know what I just said about the choices we have in the Arab world. But still, I can be depressed about this if I want:

Egypt’s state media says a Cairo court has sentenced a man to three years in prison for postings on Facebook deemed to be inciting sectarianism and in contempt of Islam.

The MENA state news agency said Saturday a the misdemeanor court found Ayman Mansour had intentionally mocked Islam and used “outrageous and scurrilous” language in describing the religion’s holy book, the Quran, and its prophet and believers.

October 11, 2011

Fatwa?

Hat tip: MEMRI.

Wakey Wakey!

September 26, 2011

Apparently they'll inscribe anything you want on a bottle of Gentleman Jack's. Don't blame Jack Daniels, if any one gets the fatwa it's Treestump!

September 24, 2011

Fatwas will be issued..

UPDATE: Fatwas issued.

The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against moe hamhead & al-Moharab for:

"the goat was jewish!!??!!!"

Astaghfirullah! This ain't Zam-Zam water you gave me! This is pig semen! Impure kaffirs, you've doomed me to Jahannam, where the virgins have shredders where they should have luscious ever-regenerating ... -- well, it doesn't matter anyway, does it, since as soon as I commit martyrdom, my pee-pee will be blown off! Dirka Burkha Khalifah, Inshallah!

discovering that he had been eating matzoh balls all these years, not meatballs, and that he was Jewish was more than Xariff's poor mind could take, and his body was wracked by convulsive vomiting as he was taken away for mental health treatment.

Just LOVE that special sauce you put with the meatballs, Xariif.

London Police SGT "Just because they have Donkey sex shows in Mexico, these A-rabs think they can have goat sex shows here, its just bloody disgusting I tell you."

For a few shekels I speeeet in your general direction. (loosely based on Monty Python and dedicated to Mosh)

Anjem Choudary, in a scene from his movie "The Spermineater," starring as the mindless killer robot that travels forward in time from the 7th Century

This semen doesn't taste HALAL

September 23, 2011

Pesky infidels, will they ever submit?

Hat Tip AMWiser.

September 22, 2011

Not the real dog named Muhammad
Just what a generic hound named Muhammed might say
Fatwa?

CAIR (coughHaMaShack) asks a city council member to apologize for mentioning his dog during a council meeting about a proposed dog park. The dog's name? Muhammad.

CAIR was upset because, um, they are racist against dogs .... and Muhammad is supposed to be some revered mythical super hero in California .... or something?

San Juan Capistrano Dispatch:

Reeve mentioned his dogs' names Sept. 6 (the other is named America), as the council voted on plans for a dog park in the Northwest Open Space.

On Friday, the Greater Los Angeles area office of the Council on American-Islamic Relations asked Reeve to apologize for his comment. In a press release, it said he showed "disrespect toward Islam’s revered prophet Muhammad by making [the] derisive public comment."

Hat Tip: Zip.

Headlines you're not likely to see: Cathollics demand gringo apologize for naming dog Jesus (pronounced hey-seuss).

September 13, 2011

Fatwa?

August 19, 2011

Fatwas will be issued.

UPDATE:
The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against Rodbo for:

In a surprising twist of theatrical brilliance, Andrew Lloyd Webber begins to hold auditions for the latest production: "Mohammad Super Freak"

Here let me help you with your meatballs

"Gonna set me up with the spirit in the sky. That's where I'm gonna go when I die."

Gimme a goat with hair.
Long beautiful hair.
Shining, gleaming, streaming,
Flaxin', waxin'
Gimme a goat with hair.
Shoulder length or longer..

Yeah, I'm behind

August 07, 2011

If you haven't already, read this post about his possible demise.

Fatwas will be issued.

UPDATE: The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against Gertie the Goat & Sacramentist for:

Dear Muhammad Abdallah Hasan Abu al Khayr.

I'm pregnant!

Dear Attorney General Holder, I would like to place an order of automatic weapons through Project Gunrunner. I understand that you have been quite helpful with the cartels in Mexico, and that the Sinaloa cartel has also made purchases through Hillary and the State Department. We need weapons and bullets, as well 'splodey things to strap to idiots, oops I mean martyrs. . .

Muhammad Abdallah Hasan Abu al Khayr
SIR: With great pleasure, we write to inform you that you have been selected to be turned into meetballs as you did not seperate the kuffurs in your custody dirty hearts from their dirty heads.
Sincerely:
Ayman al Zawahir

ah... that is the problem: Grandpa's meatball recipe calls for 2 grams of hot curry power, not 20.

"NAMBLA has come into posession of a multitude of photos of you making...pleasure...with your Bacha Bazi slaves, and would like to induct you into the NAMBLA HALL OF CAME."

"Muhammad breaks into a sweat having been entrusted by his deceased pop-in-law with the latest, most fantastic and highly secret islamic invention. He can be seen holding it in his left hand in this photo. YES! A rare photo of the islamic iPad.

It says that I may already be a winner of a wonderful prize, that i have only to send my location to the prize patrol at sky_master@www.dia.mil/targ_aquisitions. What can it hurt?

Dear Abu,

I am writing you this note so you can hear it from me first and not from some grass-chewing chatterbox. I am leaving you and moving in with your cousin Achmed. We have grown quite close since you left and he visits me every night, and twice during Ramadan, in the new pen he had made just for me. I love the way he plays with my tail and hooves and his "might mo" puts your "amazing allah" to shame.
Besides, did you think I wouldn't find out about that sheep in Saudi Arabia; your little wool whore!

Capra Aegagrus Hircus

July 28, 2011

Fatwas will be issued

Update: The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against USSWasp & Mo for:

Thank you! Thank You! I'll be here all week! Try the pork chops! And to the camel driver in the front row with the mustache meet me in my tent in twenty minutes and bring the goat!

So I gave my camel the little blue pill and by the prophet his "little allah" was this big in ten minutes!

And over here will be the largest meatball/madrassa factory known to man or Jinn

Bachmed the Moose..."Hey Rocky watch me pull a meatball out of my arse...Nothin' up my sleeve ....well that's not a meatball but it sure looks tasty!"
Announcer..."Watch next weeks episode: Hey that's not a camel it's my sister or
Waiter there's a pigs foot in my soup"

You ignorant shit, put that book down. Muhammad couldn't read, but boy could he dance. Jazz hands!

I swear by Allah...my "dirka dirka" is this big.

"Xariif defend me! I make Jawa's make jokes! Kiss me!"

"Aisha! My favorite goat! I am this happy to see you!"

July 15, 2011

Fatwas will be issued.

UPDATE: Fatwas issued. Yea, way late on this one:

The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against Nevermind for

After failing to convince the portly Arabic woman they could paddle to Gaza using only her as a raft; Roger unfurled his dream cape and quietly hoped for a miracle

Captian Ahab the Arab and the Great White Whale join forces in the hunt for the ellusive kosher meatball

No, No No, Dis not da same Mahammad dat killed all the Greeks on Cyprus.
No sireeeeeeeeeeeeee De Mahammad on our boat is de Mahammaw what only wants to kill da Juice.

"I hope they let the boat go in time for the annual Gaza Gay Pride. They do have a Pride event in Gaza don't they?"

Fatwas will be issued

Background on Jamaal:
UK Islamotards: Shariah Controlled Zones

UPDATE: Fatwas issued:

The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against Storms Saxon's Gallbladder for

Jamaal Uddin is an anagram of "I jam anal dud".

"My Iman told me to shave my ginger meatballs and wear a kilt, so he would have 73 virgins! I love sharia yeah Baby!"

As he triumphantly pumped his fist in the air; Jamaal pondered that without porn, prostitution or mixing of the sexes, some one was going to have to be the woman. With his soft, supple white skin and pouty lips; he suddenly realized who that person was going to be...

"Hi, I'm with "Gingers 4 Arabs" known as "G-A" (pronounced 'ghey') for short, would you like a pamphlet?"

July 02, 2011

Fatwas will be issued

I'll start: See the shit on my teeth? Yah, it came from my finger, and Allah knows best.

Thanks to ElmiraViking for suggesting this

UPDATE: What, no meetball reference?

The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against Nanabozoh for

Screen capture from bin Ladin's porn library entitled "POV al-Sadr's Nasheeding Anus".

After removing finger from rectum...rub horizontally against teeth thusly." Excerpt from the perplexing, yet popular Youtube video,” Sadr's Desert Hygiene for the Jihadist.”

Wishing you a very long life

Allah is wise, merciful, all knowing ... and I think he just shat in my mouth!

June 22, 2011

I forget now...

Fatwa?

I've a friend from the church who does missionary work in a country where Sharia is dominant. When she arrived they took her to shop for clothes first thing, lest she be raped. She works with small children teaching Muslim children to read, often the meal they get at school is the only meal they get. The only book she if forbidden to teach is her Bible. She can speak of Jesus only to children under 12. Should at 12 or over the kid decide to accept Jesus, he or she will be cast out of their family and persecuted for life. Telling anyone above that age is a crime they call proselytizing. Which means its unlawful to teach the Gospel.

Lest one of the Children come of age and get some funny idea about leaving Islam.

June 19, 2011

Fatwas will be issued.

I'll start - Will someone please take my video...

June 15, 2011

June 10, 2011

Back story & photo credit

Fatwas will be issued.

UPDATE: Fatwas issued....finally:

The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against beezer for:

Osama, stand very still, the Seals will never find you. But Omar, I think Ive been short sheeted

Habib how long do we have to wait till we attack?
We can't unTil the Iman SH issues a Fatwa.
Does anyone have some meatballs ...I'm hungry.

SLUTS!!!

I've heard of "Two Girls, One Cup", but "Four Girls, Two Sheets"?

That's one fine Muslima!

click my crescent moon for more

Allahuuuuu! Acccckkkkbaaaar!

Fatwa?

Hat Tip: 4foxes.

June 02, 2011

To their adversaries. I received one in me email and all I gotta say...they are smaller than #Weinergate! I mean... why did, possibly, @ahmadkhan111 send me a picture of his junk?

Rep Wiener has got to get to the bottom of this!

What's next, Samir Khan (aka Inshallahshaheed) sending a image of his junk!!

I demand an answer to #Wienergate!! Terrorist are using it for whatever gain!!

I may be a victim too!

Terrorist pee pees turn me off...and, Insha'Allah, I will cut them clean off...

June 01, 2011

"We don't put our women in burqas, we put them in F-15's and send them after you guys. The mighty mujahideen are being killed by American women and the survivors are running and hiding from those American women".

Heh...

May 28, 2011

Fatwa this beoches!

Hat Tip: Rsluty.

May 11, 2011

Screenshot from Ansar jihadi forum:

That.is.all

May 09, 2011

Fatwas will be issued.

UPDATE: The "i will cut ur neck" fatwa issued against bin Laden & redc1c4 for:

So you sent Obama an idea on how to get re-elected in 2012. Care to fill me in?

well, i guess that's a fair trade... after all, how hard can it be to feed a bunch of fish?

Omar, I had a dream last night. I was at the Krusty Krab and the Krabby Patty I ordered came with a side of Ummah Meatballs.

Ayman: "I hate to do this to you Bin. I can call you Bin, can't I. Well, it's like this. If I don't turn you in, it's meatballs for sure".

OBL: "Yeah, I see your point. No problem. If you need me, I'll be in the compound watching TV".

Yeah Osama, I have noticed that my prayer bump is starting to look like the Star of David. Do you think that could mean anything?

Dearest brother Usama, if Allah the Most Beneficent, Most Merciful were to grant you one wish what would it be? Ooh, now Za, that is a tough one. Howzabout lying on a bed somewhere in the Indian Ocean being waited on hand and foot, surrounded by seals..

Ayman, I have this recurring dream in which the crab from the Little Mermaid sings his song "Under the Sea." Aside from revealing my latent homosexuality, what could this dream possibly mean?

Damn. So the goat's really are pregnant ?. You better go to my buddies place in Pakistan until things quiet down. It's pretty safe there, I hear

May 03, 2011

What images? You mean like some of these?

Fatwa?

I see no cartoon images out of the 1,200,000 images, honest

April 28, 2011

We've known for some time that American David Headley not only helped carry out surveillance in preparation for the India's worst modern case of terrorism, the Mumbai massacre, but that he also was preparing an attack against Denmark's Jyllands-Posten newspaper -- the paper that published the infamous Mohammad cartoons setting off a worldwide firestorm.

But in an indictment against one of Headley's co-conspirators, a Pakistani born Canadian citizen named Tahawwur Rana living in Chicago, we now learn that an al Qaeda linked extremist introduced Headley to an extensive support network in Europe:

It is alleged that [Ilyas] Kashmiri provided Headley with the telephone numbers of several contacts in Europe, who were willing to provide him with money, weapons and manpower to carry out a terrorist attack against Jyllands-Posten. The other European countries were not named in the indictment.

However, according to the indictment, when Headley made his second visit to Denmark in July and August 2009 to plan the Jyllands-Posten attack, he also visited his European supporters....

The indictment alleges that Tahawwur Rana collected the money that paid for David Headley’s trip to Denmark and the other European countries and that the money was also supposed to pay for the planned terrorist attack in Copenhagen.

I only hope that they weren't well connected members of CAIR, in which case the Administration might decline to prosecute.

April 26, 2011

Then we can pay what we owe you. We really need our websites back up and running.

It sux that we can't brag about the Kandahar prison break.

PS -- Call me!

Qari Yousuf Ahmadi, Taliban Spokesperson (really)***
Phone #: 0093705186939
Email:qya.ahmadi@yahoo.com

Taliban webmaster's email: alemarah1@gmail.com

Email them to let them know we care and link to my work wanted ad.

If they answer you know what to do.

April 25, 2011

h/t Helen

April 21, 2011

Save the goats from unplanned kids

LAGUNA BEACH – More goats will be munching on Laguna's hillsides starting in May

The City Council approved Tuesday a request from the Laguna Beach Fire Department to add an additional herd to the number of goats that annually graze on firebreaks. An unusually rainy winter means more vegetation that could pose a fire hazard to homes as it dries out over the summer and fall.

Fatwa?