August 09, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? At Last Contact! Edition!

Rusty's expedition paid off, at last he's achieved his life long dream of staring lovingly into a Sasquatch's eyes.

A “large bipedal animal covered in hair” was reported in North Carolina’s McDowell County over the weekend.

In other words, a Bigfoot: The ape-like creature that cryptozoologists believe roams the nation’s backwoods.

The sighting happened just before 11 p.m. Friday in a forested area. No one was injured, though the group reports something threw rocks at them as they left the area. McDowell County is about 100 miles northwest of Charlotte.

Someone get me Oscar Goldman on the horn, and I mean RFN!



By Howie at 09:55 AM | Comments |

July 28, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford: Good Shepherd Edition

Rusty is on an under cover operation involving terrorists and sheep.


Or was that sheep who are also terrorists? I forget.

By Howie at 01:32 PM | Comments |

July 20, 2017

Where's Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Unholy Matrimony Edition

Hes out comforting ISIS widows.



By Howie at 07:07 PM | Comments |

July 07, 2017

Where's Howie? Fidget Emergency Edition

Sorry ya'll I been indisposed.



By Howie at 09:20 AM | Comments |

July 04, 2017

Happy Birthday America!


By Howie at 10:54 AM | Comments |

June 09, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Maidenhead

Dark Lord of the Bucket!


By Howie at 09:39 AM | Comments |

May 18, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Droid Shopping! Edition

Rslutty is out buying a new droid.



By Howie at 12:27 PM | Comments |

April 25, 2017

Mourn Not BamaPachyderm

RIP Beth, Jawa and Beth's blog were both once banned by Pakistan in the same order.


By Howie at 10:11 AM | Comments |

April 21, 2017

Breaking! Jawa Report Outlasts O’Reilly Factor!

You are entering the No Bill Zone!

byebill.jpg

I've been resisting the Bill O’Reilly thing. I've no idea about the settlements. Seems to me a witch hunt. He's a good broadcaster.

But lets face it Bill is a broadcaster first and foremost. He has substance, but is the forerunner of the modern Nightly News Sports Model, like you know the David Muir, about as deep as a his reflection in the teleprompter.

But I do agree that Bill is a grade A #1 Asshole. I have my reasons. So I'll take this moment to rub it in just a little bit. I'm sure he'll survive.

By Howie at 07:29 AM | Comments |

April 20, 2017

Sandcrawelr PSA: The Horse is Out of The Barn

Repeat. The horse is out of the barn.


By Howie at 07:23 AM | Comments |

April 14, 2017

And Now Your Good Friday Post

And Jesus Said.

He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me.

And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy name.

And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

This is an important point. Though all may stand against you, you have the greatest ally, they will be powerless against you.

Just as death could not hold him, neither can evil take you so long as you keep your eyes on the Lord.

(OK I'm done)

Happy Easter!

By Howie at 09:19 AM | Comments |

April 10, 2017

Where's Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Bumped Edition

Rusty has been bumped, also he's Asian but not a youth.



By Howie at 10:27 AM | Comments |

April 05, 2017

Where's Vinnie?

Vinnie was last sighted in PA.

Police in the Pennsylvania town of Newville say they arrested a man for drunken driving on March 19, while the Newburg man was wearing a green St. Patrick’s Day shirt that read, “Drunk Lives Matter .”
The drunk driving charge was dropped on a religious exemption and agents from the Department of Wildlife later released him to his natural habitat.

By Howie at 08:46 AM | Comments |

March 14, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? This is Japan Edition

Rusty is in line waiting his, errrrr... turn.


By Howie at 09:20 AM | Comments |

March 10, 2017

Sandcrawler PSA: Safety First!


By Howie at 03:21 PM | Comments |

March 02, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Manila Vacation Edition

Most people want to get out of the Philippine Prison.... Rusty is trying to get in.


By Howie at 07:36 AM | Comments |

February 27, 2017

Sandcrawler Test Pattern

......



By Howie at 01:24 PM | Comments |

February 13, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Career Change Edition

You know professing didn't pay as well as pilot so Rusty figured why not give it a shot. And also to make things interesting wear a dress.

Passengers on Saturday's San Francisco-bound flight took to social media to express concerns after the pilot spoke to them about her divorce and the presidential election, among other issues.

One passenger, whose Twitter bio identified him as Randy Reiss from San Francisco, tweeted that the pilot called Hillary Clinton and President Donald Trump "a**holes" and, at one point, said that she was going "to be on Oprah."
Some passengers said on social media that they got off the plane. Another pilot was brought in and the flight took off about two hours later, Hobart said.

Oh well, back to the drawing board.

By Howie at 10:22 AM | Comments |

February 02, 2017

Elmer Confirms Phil's Forecast


elmersix.png

By Howie at 08:13 AM | Comments |

December 19, 2016

Direct From The Princess

Jawa Report, we have connections with crazy people.


And crazy old hermits who live out beyond the Dune Sea.

By Howie at 02:21 PM | Comments |

December 07, 2016

Reader Love Mail: Omar Omar Where For Art Thou Omar Edition

A dear reader describes Jawa Report.

you're all bigots, Islamophobes, and losers.
Dude you don't need that comma with and.

What, are you trying to take my crown as King of the Random Comma?

By Howie at 07:49 AM | Comments |

November 24, 2016

Jawa Lame Duck Thanksgiving Dinner That Can't Be Beat

Just so you know, no matter who is elected President Jawa Report will carry on in our traditional manner.

Happy Thanksgiving!

By Howie at 08:37 AM | Comments |

September 16, 2016

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? GayStormCon Edition

So they have a gay stormtrooper convention? Who knew?


By Howie at 07:34 AM | Comments |

May 20, 2016

Very Happy Chewy!


By Howie at 01:05 PM | Comments |

February 22, 2016

Jawa F.O.D. Update

Hey our booze is done!

Picture0220162020_1.jpg
Paraphernalia

Picture0220162018_1.jpg

Picture0220162021_1.jpg

Finished! First glass was pretty dry, but then... it was pretty tasty.

Picture0220162015_1 (1).jpg

We'll be bottling the red as soon as I pick up two more cases of bottles.

Update: Bottled the Concord Grape last night. The store was out of clear bottles though, I had to go with green.

Picture0223160854_1.jpg

By Howie at 10:31 AM | Comments |

February 18, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: The Force Can Have A Strong Influence on The Weak Minded

As in make you drop 10k on an old XP-34.


They're just not as popular since the XP-38 came out.

By Howie at 07:18 PM | Comments |

February 17, 2016

Where's Vinnie? Drunken Triceratops Edition

He's been studying Paleontology, according to insider discussions the Triceratops can drink like a fish. But Vinnie claimed to have still put him under the table.



By Howie at 09:33 AM | Comments |

February 02, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: Elmer Concurs With Groundhog Central

Early Spring baby!

elmerearly.png

By Howie at 08:29 AM | Comments |

January 12, 2016

JUICE Mind Control Goes to Jupiter

Word has it the Jews are moving their mind control apparatus to a safe orbit around Jupiter to stop Muslims from filing their quest for word domination.

Its all taking place under a false flag probe to study the icy moons of Jupiter, yeah right, as if they don't have a base there already!

Weizmann Institute scientists plan to take part in international research launch to giant planet in 2022.

The JUICE spacecraft will carry the most powerful remote sensing, geophysical, and in situ payload complement ever flown to the outer Solar System. This includes a total of 11 international scientific experiments to study the giant planet and its large ocean-bearing moons.

The device, as well as others made elsewhere around in the world, will take off in the year 2022 aboard the JUICE

Jupiter was chosen because an Islamic Nation making it to Jupiter? That ain't gonna happen.

OJ Simpson was unavailable for comment at press time.

By Howie at 10:56 AM | Comments |

Sandcrawler PSA: 100 Ways to Attack The Groin

The Jawa Report - bring you the news that's really important.

(Hat Tip: IHatetheMedia)

By DMartyr at 10:17 AM | Comments |

January 07, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: Search Your Feelings

Bom Bom Bom Ba Ba Bom Ba Ba Bom!

Hat Tip: TKW406.

By Howie at 01:23 PM | Comments |

January 04, 2016

Where's Rusty? Sixty Five Dollar Man Edition

Rusty is about to lose his virginity to a hooker with a heart of gold. I always thought those were a myth, but here you go.

A MAN fitted with a bionic penis after his was ripped off in a childhood accident is poised to lose his virginity at the age of 43.

Mohammed Abad will pop his cherry in the next few days with sex worker Charlotte Rose after a dinner date.

“I am so honoured that he chose me to take his virginity,” she said. “We plan to have a dinner date so we can get to know each other and then two hours of private time. I’m not charging him.”

Good that leaves more crazy blog money for JawaPalooza!


By Howie at 02:24 PM | Comments |

Where's Howie This Wasn't Me I Swear! Edition


I hold up as proof the fact that they won't let you blog from Jail!

BBC: Reporting the best about America.

By Howie at 02:16 PM | Comments |

December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas Jawas

Leave us alone! We're busy!

By Howie at 11:59 PM | Comments |

December 23, 2015

Where's Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Last Minute Shoppers Edition

He's out trying to catch those last few stragglers, but he got schlonged.

Saudi authorities have closed down a shop selling traditional camel urine drinks after discovering the owner had been filling the bottles with his own bodily waste.

Health inspectors swooped on a vendor in the port city of Al Qunfudhah, in south-western Saudi Arabia, and confiscated more than 70 full bottles.

Buyer beware!

By Howie at 09:20 AM | Comments |