December 25, 2018

Merry Christmas Jawas

By Howie at 11:59 PM | Comments |

July 20, 2018

Sandcrawler Public Service: Just To Get Strozk's Effing Creepy Face Off The Top of the Page

Here Jawas, have some eye bleach.

You're welcome.

By Howie at 07:13 AM | Comments |

July 04, 2018

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Space Man Edition

Update: Rewrite these headlines for a Fatwa.

Update II: Well it would help if comments worked, fixeded.

Update Fatwa's Issued! 75% chance of winning!

The I Will Cut UR Neck Fatwa issued against Man in the Moon for

Rusty Mars Uranus.
The Why U Insult Holly Koran? Fatwa issued against Frustrated Teacher for
Uranus has really taken a pounding
The Devil Will Do Meetballs From Your Body Fatwa not issued, no takers.

By Howie at 06:16 AM | Comments |

July 02, 2018

Where's Dr. Rusty Shackleford: Cat-tastrophy Edition

A dog was chasing Rusty, don't worry he's come down when he gets hungry enough.

By Howie at 08:14 AM | Comments |

June 26, 2018

Where's Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Down Under Edition

Is it pointing North or South? Everything is backwards Down Under.

By Howie at 12:35 PM | Comments |

April 12, 2018

Sandcrawler PSA: World Ends April 23rd

So stock up on ARs AKs and beef jerky now, before Jesus comes and brings peace to Syria the hard way.

Conspiracy theorists have sparked fresh fears that the end of the world is fast approaching.

On April 23, the sun, moon, and Jupiter will align in the constellation Virgo to bring on the start of the biblical Rapture, according to the latest claims.

And, that night, it's said the mysterious planet Nibiru will appear in the sky, followed by the onset of World War III, rise of the Antichrist, and seven years of Tribulation.

Here is a preview.

By Howie at 09:20 AM | Comments |

Where's Vinnie?

He's been doing some moonlighting.

Did you see Vinnie?

By Howie at 07:41 AM | Comments |

March 20, 2018

Sandcrawler PSA: Rusty's Monkey Missing

Rusty emailed, he only emails when he really really needs something. Anyway have any of you seen his damned monkey?


By Howie at 12:54 PM | Comments |

February 27, 2018

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford :Devil Will Do MeetBalls From UR Body Edition

Rusty gets hungry, please go easy on him.

By Howie at 02:47 PM | Comments |

February 24, 2018

Sandcrawler Restart

The blog will be down tonight for a while, comments maybe a bit longer.

Things get old and need repaired, we'll be changing the left front track and doing an alignment.

Update: See that wasn't so bad.... dig the new instant load feature....

By Howie at 06:59 AM | Comments |

January 22, 2018

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Strippers And Blo Edition

He's, you know, on a fishing trip in NYC:

A cardiologist who racked up a $135,000 tab during a three-night spree with four strippers at a New York City club is off the hook for the bill, a Manhattan judge has ruled.

Physician Zyad Younan, of Holmdel, New Jersey, was drugged by the strippers and then fleeced with fraudulent billing, Judge O’Neill Levy ruled Tuesday. Therefore, Younan was the victim of “criminal conduct” and is not responsible for the tab, Fox News reports.

Scores, the Midtown club where Younan was charged for private rooms, tips and booze over three nights in November 2013 — tried to collect on the tab in court even after the strippers pleaded guilty to the scam.

After dates with Pascucci and her “cousin” and “sister,” Younan said in court papers, he would awake in a hotel room with no memory of what had happened the night before.

Understandable, I mean strippers are always drugging and raping everybody.

Anyway click the link cause that dude has a shit eating smile like you've never seen.

By Howie at 08:17 AM | Comments |

January 12, 2018

Sandcrawler PSA: I'm Going to Regret This Episode XCVII



By Howie at 03:13 PM | Comments |

December 22, 2017

Jawa PSA: Closed for Baby Jesus Birthday

Merry Christmas Jawas!

Power Droids all around!


We'll fix comments one of these days. Pixi has been notified but no telling when he'll get to it considering, you know, the importance of working on a comment server compared to drinking.

Update: Comments are back up: Drunk comments encouraged.

Update II

Update III: Its time to let old things die.

By Howie at 02:20 PM | Comments |

December 02, 2017

Phhhht Phhhhht

Is this thing on?

Phhht. Phhht.


By Howie at 10:22 AM | Comments |

November 22, 2017

Sandcrawler PSA: One Big Pile is Better Than Two Little Piles

Can you imagine 50 Years, I said 50 years, of Alice's Restaurant!?

By Howie at 08:20 AM | Comments |

November 15, 2017

Where is Mrs. Vinnie?

She had planned to visit her mother this thanksgiving, but there was a snag.

Update: Unrelated random video.

By Howie at 08:49 AM | Comments |

November 08, 2017

Good News! Only 583 Years Left

The end, its near.blockquote>Renowned physicist Stephen Hawking has issued yet another warning for Earth and this time, he says we have less than 600 years before the Earth turns into a sizzling fireball.Still a ways out, but if you have a goal, stick to it and try really hard....

By Howie at 10:22 AM | Comments |

October 30, 2017

Where's Rusty? Like Deliverance But In a Good Way Edition

He's out pushing his I was gang-raped by Angelina Jolie and Madonna but now life live as a gay man confession to CNN.

By Howie at 06:26 PM | Comments |

October 17, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? The Krispy Kreme Incident

Rusty came into some money!

A man who was arrested for possession of "methamphetamine" that turned out to be donut glaze recently received $37,500 from the city of Orlando

Rusty(sic) said Riggs-Hopkins initially was not sure what "sort of narcotic" she had discovered. "I kept telling them, 'That's…glaze from a doughnut," Rushing told the Orlando Sentinel. "They tried to say it was crack cocaine at first. Then they said, 'No, it's meth, crystal meth.'"

...accused of possessing meth "with a weapon" (his legally carried handgun), which made a third-degree felony, punishable by up to five years in prison, into a second-degree felony, punishable by up to 15 years in prison. He was handcuffed and taken to the county jail, where he was strip-searched and locked up for 10 hours before being released on $2,500 bail. Three days later, after a lab test found no illegal substance in the evidence recovered by Riggs-Hopkins, the charges against Rushing were dropped. The lab test was not specific enough to identify which brand of donut the glaze came from...

You know what this means? It means Shackleford is buying lunch!

By Howie at 08:58 AM | Comments |

October 16, 2017

Where's Rusty? The Fajita Incident

Apparently Rusty has been moonlighting as a corrections officer.

A South Texas juvenile justice department employee is accused of stealing $1.2 million worth of fajitas over nine years through county-funded purchases.

The scheme unraveled Aug. 7 ...someone answered the phone at the Cameron County Juvenile Justice Department kitchen...

A driver from Labatt Food Service in Harlingen was calling to inform the kitchen of an 800-pound delivery of fajitas.

The woman who answered the phone was alarmed: The juvenile department's kitchen does not serve fajitas.

What? Those poor kids are denied Fajitas? That's cruel! We demand that someone get those kids some Fajitas right now!

By Howie at 09:03 AM | Comments |

September 12, 2017

Where's Rusty? Never Tell Me The Odds Edition

Rusty! You're coming in too hot!

Another happy landing!

By Howie at 09:42 AM | Comments |

Sandcrawler PSA: Run For Your Lives!

The only question now is how will Trump handle hot lava?

Hold me!

By Howie at 08:07 AM | Comments |

September 02, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Who's Taco Bell?!?! Our Taco Bell!!! Edition

Rusty is on a deep cover assignment infiltrating domestic terror groups.


Anyway, caption contest?

By Howie at 03:15 PM | Comments |

August 09, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? At Last Contact! Edition!

Rusty's expedition paid off, at last he's achieved his life long dream of staring lovingly into a Sasquatch's eyes.

A “large bipedal animal covered in hair” was reported in North Carolina’s McDowell County over the weekend.

In other words, a Bigfoot: The ape-like creature that cryptozoologists believe roams the nation’s backwoods.

The sighting happened just before 11 p.m. Friday in a forested area. No one was injured, though the group reports something threw rocks at them as they left the area. McDowell County is about 100 miles northwest of Charlotte.

Someone get me Oscar Goldman on the horn, and I mean RFN!

By Howie at 09:55 AM | Comments |

July 28, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford: Good Shepherd Edition

Rusty is on an under cover operation involving terrorists and sheep.

Or was that sheep who are also terrorists? I forget.

By Howie at 01:32 PM | Comments |

July 20, 2017

Where's Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Unholy Matrimony Edition

Hes out comforting ISIS widows.

By Howie at 07:07 PM | Comments |

July 07, 2017

Where's Howie? Fidget Emergency Edition

Sorry ya'll I been indisposed.

By Howie at 09:20 AM | Comments |

July 04, 2017

Happy Birthday America!

By Howie at 10:54 AM | Comments |

June 09, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Maidenhead

Dark Lord of the Bucket!

By Howie at 09:39 AM | Comments |

May 18, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Droid Shopping! Edition

Rslutty is out buying a new droid.

By Howie at 12:27 PM | Comments |

April 25, 2017

Mourn Not BamaPachyderm

RIP Beth, Jawa and Beth's blog were both once banned by Pakistan in the same order.

By Howie at 10:11 AM | Comments |

April 21, 2017

Breaking! Jawa Report Outlasts O’Reilly Factor!

You are entering the No Bill Zone!


I've been resisting the Bill O’Reilly thing. I've no idea about the settlements. Seems to me a witch hunt. He's a good broadcaster.

But lets face it Bill is a broadcaster first and foremost. He has substance, but is the forerunner of the modern Nightly News Sports Model, like you know the David Muir, about as deep as a his reflection in the teleprompter.

But I do agree that Bill is a grade A #1 Asshole. I have my reasons. So I'll take this moment to rub it in just a little bit. I'm sure he'll survive.

By Howie at 07:29 AM | Comments |

April 20, 2017

Sandcrawelr PSA: The Horse is Out of The Barn

Repeat. The horse is out of the barn.

By Howie at 07:23 AM | Comments |

April 14, 2017

And Now Your Good Friday Post

And Jesus Said.

He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me.

And the seventy returned again with joy, saying, Lord, even the devils are subject unto us through thy name.

And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven.

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

This is an important point. Though all may stand against you, you have the greatest ally, they will be powerless against you.

Just as death could not hold him, neither can evil take you so long as you keep your eyes on the Lord.

(OK I'm done)

Happy Easter!

By Howie at 09:19 AM | Comments |

April 10, 2017

Where's Dr. Rusty Shackleford? Bumped Edition

Rusty has been bumped, also he's Asian but not a youth.

By Howie at 10:27 AM | Comments |

April 05, 2017

Where's Vinnie?

Vinnie was last sighted in PA.

Police in the Pennsylvania town of Newville say they arrested a man for drunken driving on March 19, while the Newburg man was wearing a green St. Patrick’s Day shirt that read, “Drunk Lives Matter .”
The drunk driving charge was dropped on a religious exemption and agents from the Department of Wildlife later released him to his natural habitat.

By Howie at 08:46 AM | Comments |

March 14, 2017

Where is Dr. Rusty Shackleford? This is Japan Edition

Rusty is in line waiting his, errrrr... turn.

By Howie at 09:20 AM | Comments |

March 10, 2017

Sandcrawler PSA: Safety First!

By Howie at 03:21 PM | Comments |