As a former California gubernatorial candidate,
supporter of the
National Republican
Congressional Committee, and porn star, I am often asked what I think of
Supreme Court decisions. For instance, just this afternoon I was cleaning
up after an especially grueling shoot when Ron Jeremy strolled into the little
room in a San Fernando Valley cottage that we had converted into my 'dressing
room' for the day and asked me for my opinion on
KELO.. For those
of you who are on Mars or maybe have been on a closed set for the day, that's
the case where the Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, put their seal of approval on
a city taking over private property under eminent domain rules for whatever
they want--
even to build a
new Wal Mart!My first reaction to the case was that it is the logical
outcome of Holmesian pragmatism which overturned Lochner Era notions of
substantive due process. But after some serious reflection, I've decided
that the real problem with the decision is that now cities could shut down strip
clubs for Starbucks!
As someone who f*cks for money and relies on the lap-dance circuit as a
main source of income, I'm scared. First they came after your home, and
next they'll come after the local Spearmint Rhino! Fascists, indeed.
As one
pundit summarized it, "Justice John Paul Stevens wrote for the majority that
they had deferred to legislative action in this case, a position with which
Kennedy, Souter, Ginsburg, and Breyer agreed." I definitely agree with the
dissenting opinion in this case. Also, I'm taking Justice Stevens, Breyer,
Kennedy, and Souter off my
wish list of Washington insiders I'd love to have sex with. But I'm
keeping Ginsburg on my to do list.
Another pundit noted
that, "Unfortunately none of those justices are among those rumored to be
retiring..." True, but since it looks like Justice O'Conner may be leaving
the bench, might I suggest another woman to take her place with a mind for
jurisprudence and a body for love? Moi!
As a believing Christian, I'm also opposed to the case on moral grounds.
I mean, would Jesus really tear down homes just to put up one more Home Depot?
Like I was telling these two chicks I've been working with in my upcoming film
Mary Does the Bush Twins,
it makes Jesus sad when eminent domain is misused for corporate greed.
I'll have to agree with
other pundits that this is "a devastating blow against homeowners and
private property rights". It's also a blow against my ability to make an
honest living by distracting a man by sitting on his lap and smacking his face
with my tits while I steal all his cash!
Bryan, at Arguing with signposts, has
a massive reaction roundup. Yes, as in Ron Jeremy massive.
So, to summarize, this decision sucks ass--and I mean that in a bad way!
-----------------------
UPDATE: Heh.
Nobody
copyrighted that schtick......Whore? No, I am a
link-whore though.
