October 09, 2013

Dear Federal Elected Officials

RE: The Shutdown.

Ladies, will you please excuse we men for a just a minute as we discuss issues of vital social and political import. Its not that I think that the 100 female members of congress bear no responsibility on the shutdown, but chivalry is not completely dead, so the following post is not directed at you and may contain language that is not appropriate to direct at an unrelated female in a public space.

Now on to the point.

Enough is enough, get your shit together. Look I know this little crisis presents a great buying opportunity for your fund managers, but for the rest of us its getting, you know, to be a pain in the ass.

There are 151,400,000 males in the nation and YOU are becoming a pain in our ass. Since there doesn't seem to be much that motivates you to get your shit together, elections, the threat of an economic disaster, looking like f*ucktards who don't know the difference between the words interpret and interrupt. You know, its hardly fair that we have a giant pain in our ass and you get off scott free.

So I'm starting a movement so to speak, a movement that if you don't get your shit together by Friday afternoon, we the men of the nation are going to get in a line and ass rape every single one of you and we each get a turn.

Subtracting the 437 male members of congress, I added in Barack Obama and Joe Biden as well. Now dividing that by the male population that's 346,453 consecutive ass rapings each of you will have to endure.

But if you notice my math is a bit off. Because the answer was only 346,452 ass rapings not 346,453. The difference is that we've decided by popular vote to let Mr. T go twice on each of you, both first and last.


So you will start with Mr. T and when you see Mr. T again at least you'll have the comfort of knowing its almost over.

We certainly hope that motivates you, our public servants, to do your effing jobs.

Ladies, our apologies, you may now rejoin our regularly scheduled programming.

Update: Its not as if turn about isn't fair play.

Obamacare has ‘raped my future’

By Howie at 09:11 AM | Comments |