May 24, 2013

Scary Black Umbrella Causes NJ Transit Shutdown


Someone had reported to police that a man wearing black pants, white dress shirt, with a cast on his arm was "armed with a long barrel assault weapon" had gotten on the train. [...]

Police started scouring surveillance videos and was able to track down the man at the Exchange Place station.

Apparently, they were able to determine that the only "weapon" the man had was the umbrella he planned to use later in the day to fight off rain from hitting him. (Source)

Obama and Democrats are convening to discuss possible new regulations to purchase "assault" umbrellas.

Jim Carrey tweets, "Any1 who would run out and buy a black umbrella has very little left in their body and soul worth keeping dry."

Matt Damon confesses umbrellas "freak me out."

Piers Morgan insists the Constitution does not protect the right to carry an umbrella.

Colorado Democrat Rep. Joe Salazar encourages use of safer cocktail umbrellas.

Joe Biden says its very suspicious that it rains whenever people use umbrellas.

By DMartyr at 01:16 PM | Comments |