March 06, 2013
North Korean Approved Hairstyles
(Pyongyang, North Korea) The government in North Korea has approved a range of acceptable hairstyles for its citizens, claiming they are "most comfortable" and "capable of warding off the corrupting effects of capitalism."
Spiky hair is forbidden, as are quiffs — the nation has learned the baleful lesson from the decadent South that outrageous hairstyles may lead to the formation of effete boy bands or to pervasive mental health problems whereby people hallucinate riding invisible horses.[…]Interestingly, Dear Leader Kim Jong-Un sports an unapproved hairstyle but nobody has the hair to call him on the violation.
Approved styles for single women are simple but married women are permitted to indulge in a few extra stylistic flourishes. This also has the useful effect of establishing whether a woman is married or not at a glance.[…]
The hair of the country's young men should be less than 5 cm long and they should have a haircut once every 15 days as longer hair apparently takes away nutrition from their brains. Older men, whose brains are presumably in decline anyway, are allowed to rock out with hair as long as 7 cm.
Tip: Marmot's Hole