April 02, 2012

Confirmed: Putin Behind Coming Zombie Apocalypse

Boys, avenge me! Avenge me!!

I am ready for the coming zombie apocalypse. Are you?:

Mind-bending ‘psychotronic’ guns that can effectively turn people into zombies have been given the go-ahead by Russian president Vladimir Putin.

The futuristic weapons – which will attack the central nervous system of their victims – are being developed by the country’s scientists.

They could be used against Russia’s enemies and, perhaps, its own dissidents by the end of the decade.

Two of my favorite movies are Zombieland and Red Dawn. With news that the Russians will be behind the zombification of America, I can finally sell my treatment for Red Zombie Dawn -- the story of a group of high school students using guerrilla tactics to combat the invading zombie armies.

But wait, that zombie --- he's my father!!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 12:23 PM | Comments |