June 28, 2010

Aww: German Terrorists in Pakistan Homesick, Want Their Mommies

So, your a German national and all your friends down at the mosque tell you how wonderful it must be to be a mujahideen. On top of that mom and dad regale you with their stories of the good life growing up in Pakistan. So what's an aspiring shahid to do but make the caravan to the lands of martyrdom.

Only you get there and you realize that all that stuff on the internet about how the mujahideen are busy kicking kafir ass is just so much bullshit.

Also, there's no toilet paper and the guy in the bunk next to you keeps trying to make you the bread in his salami sandwich.

It's time to go running back to mommy's basement. The only obstacle now is to returning to a life filled with Islamic chat rooms, World of Warhammer, Hasselhoff, and that freaky deaky porn the Germans like is a warrant for you arrest by Interpol.

Never fear, the Germans, always willing to forgive and forget, want to help you with an "opt out" program. I'm guessing they'll supply the World of Warhammer, Hasselhoff, and shiza films to help you re-acclimate yourself to German culture.

Here's a translation of the Focus.de article put up by Aidem on Liveleak. A google translation seems to corroborate it:

Wiretaped Phonecalls, E-Mails, Chats showed growing Fear and Despair among foreign Jihadists according to Intelligence Agencies.

Several of the ~40 German Islamists in the Pakistan tribal Region of Waziristan are now looking to surrender and return to Germany.

The Federal Office for the Protection of the Constitution in Germany is currently developing an opt-out scheme for German jihadists.

One of the captured radical islamists Rami M. moaned about his hopeless situtation in phonecalls with his islamist friends in Hamburg. He is without passports and wants to hand himself in to the Germany Embassy.

A high ranking security expert added that foreign jihadists have come under great pressure in the last months.

An opt out program, eh?

I have my own "opt out" program I'd like to propose.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 08:51 PM | Comments |