April 26, 2010
Iowa Hawk Fights to Prevent Global Cooling from Volcanic Ash Cloud
You can always depend on Iowa Hawk. They've been emitting all the carbon they can over there, to prevent your summer from being stolen by the giant cloud of volcanic ash that threatens to rob the northern latitudes of Bikini Season.
Worthy contestants all, but sadly only one can claim the coveted title of Grand Champion Carbonator -- and its windfall prize of 1,000,000 Iowahawk carbon credits. Emails have been coming in expressing support for their favorite cars, motorcycles, boats and thermonuclear missiles. To all of you who demanded I name President Obama as repeat champion after his latest Earth Day jumbo jet joy ride, you certainly have a point; but that would be unfair, and Iowahawk is all about fairness.