January 23, 2019

Sandcrawler Job Opening(s): Hamas Watch Tower Operations Technician(s)

Required Qualifications: A body temperature that indicates you are alive.

Ooops, there some more openings right there!

By Howie at 07:12 PM | Comments |

January 16, 2019

Sandcrawler PSA: Nairobi Vacation Bad Idea

If you're considering a vacation in Nairobi Kenya, you need to take into account the African Taliban.

Looks like we're going to have to make some more al-Kabaabs.


By Howie at 09:44 AM | Comments |

January 14, 2019

Sandcrawler PSA: Allah Displeased

We're not sure exactly what is pissing Allah off, but whatever you people are doing, stop doing that.

massive swarm of locusts plagued Mecca, Saudi Arabia, earlier this week, prompting authorities at Islam’s holiest site to launch a cleaning operation to remove them.

Videos posted to social media showed the insects swarming around cleaners and worshipers in the city’s Grand Mosque, where millions of Muslim pilgrims congregate every year.

In conclusion, we advise you all to run for your lives or something.

We're too old and tired, besides the Sandcrawler affords us a certain protection from Armageddon, also we have a salvage contract on your droids, vaporators, etc etc.

By Howie at 08:27 AM | Comments |

January 10, 2019

Sandcrawler PSA: BOLO Death

Look out for Death.

He's right!


Run for your lives!

By Howie at 07:54 PM | Comments |

January 08, 2019

Sandcrawler PSA: How Not To Defect To Cuba

Gets an A for effort! At least she tried.

“On January 6, crew members at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport requested assistance from local law enforcement after a customer was denied boarding for indications of intoxication and became disruptive,” a spokesperson from JetBlue Corporate Communications says.

The resulting hysteria was caught on camera where the woman was heard screaming at staff and seen hoisting herself up onto the JetBlue counter.

“Who does that to a woman like me?” she screamed, before continuing to yell, “Get me out of here.”

It became even worse when she called the male staff member a “rapist” and threatened that she had a gun on her, claiming that she was homeless. Moments later, she grabbed her bag and walked off while other passengers whispered about her threats.

The lesson here, never try.

By Howie at 08:18 AM | Comments |

January 06, 2019

Sandcrawler PSA: The Jedi Are Relentless

If they are not completely destroyed it will be be civil war without end.

OK, so we'll hunt them all down relentlessly. No Problemo.

The Pentagon confirmed Friday that Jamal al-Badawi, an al Qaeda operative the U.S. believes was involved with the USS Cole bombing in 2000, was targeted in a recent precision strike. But it remains uncertain if al-Badawi was killed in the strike.


"We are aware of reports that Jamal al-Badawi was killed in a strike in Yemen,” Capt. Bill Urban, U.S. Central Command spokesman said in a statement. “U.S. forces conducted a precision strike Jan. 1st in the Marib governate, Yemen, targeting Jamal al-Badawi, a legacy al Qaeda operative in Yemen involved in the USS Cole bombing. U.S. forces are still assessing the results of the strike following a deliberate process to confirm his death.”

Execute Order 66.

And around there that means....

That's right, the Gap Band gets a few clicks.

By Howie at 09:44 AM | Comments |

January 02, 2019

Sandcrawler Milestones: New Horizons Sets Records For Most Distant Dick Pic Ever

You spend billions of dollars and travel billions of miles to discover that there's a giant pink dick in space.


You can't say God doesn't have a sense of humor.

Update: Don't choke your chicken!

You'll go blind kid.

By Howie at 09:11 AM | Comments |