December 31, 2016

Death to 2016!

Or Happy New Year!

SMOD let us down, not to mention all the other stuff. For me 2016 had that extra suck factor.

I've seen a lot of articles saying don't be down on 2016 cause people die every year, but stack of dead famous people is just one little factor.

Believe me 2016 sucked the royal big one, good riddance.

By Howie at 06:10 AM | Comments |

December 29, 2016

Caption This! Dark Side Edition

Look at Putin's eyes, whoa!

The Syrian regime announced a Russian and Turkish-brokered ceasefire agreement Thursday, the first such agreement not involving the U.S.


The ceasefire will reportedly begin at midnight and includes seven Syrian rebels groups, along with Turkey.

Fatwas will be issued.

By Howie at 04:39 PM | Comments |

December 28, 2016

Debbie Reynolds Dies One Day After Carrie Fisher

Debbie Reynolds became ill while making funeral arrangements for Carrie, she has passed away.

Debbie Reynolds, the Oscar-nominated singer-actress who was the mother of late actress Carrie Fisher, has died at Cedars-Sinai hospital. She was 84.


“She wanted to be with Carrie,” her son Todd Fisher told Variety.

She was taken to the hospital from Todd Fisher’s Beverly Hills house Wednesday after a suspected stroke, the day after her daughter Carrie Fisher died.

By Howie at 09:07 PM | Comments |

Total 100% Proof ISIS Are Gay

Just so you know, our Islamic State of Gay Losers category has been in existence since you morons changed from Taweed and Jihad or some shit like that, to AQI, to Islamic State in Iraq.

By Howie at 07:46 PM | Comments |

War Porn: Syrian Crater Edition

A new crater was discovered in Syria, it was hidden by a pump jack.

By Howie at 09:52 AM | Comments |

December 27, 2016

The Princess Has Passed - Drowned In Moonlight, Strangled By Her Own Bra

We at Jawa Report are on mourning. Carrie Fisher has passed away.

Carrie Fisher died Tuesday morning ... days after suffering a massive heart attack on board a flight from London to LAX ... a family spokesperson has confirmed.

TMZ broke the story ... Fisher was on a flight from London to LAX Friday when she suffered the heart attack 15 minutes before landing. People on the plane tell TMZ she appeared lifeless.

Image credit: Rolling Stone.

A passenger who's an EMT performed CPR on Carrie and once the flight landed, paramedics rushed her to UCLA Medical Center where she remained in intensive care until her death.

The family had said she was in "stable condition" but we're told she was not responsive after her medical emergency.

We just ran one of Carrie's tweet's last week.



[UPDATE By DMartyr]: I just wanted to add, here and in title, Carrie Fisher drowned in moonlight, strangled by her bra. Goodnight, Princess.

By Howie at 01:01 PM | Comments |

Ibrahim Cooper Confirms Islam is Mental Illness

Ibrahim Cooper, batshit crazy.

But it was this blog that made him that way. See, we're not without achievements.

By Howie at 11:18 AM | Comments |

December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas, Ya Filthy Animals!

By DMartyr at 01:13 PM | Comments |

Merry Christmas Jawas

Hat Tip: Twitchy.

Update: Now Jingle Bells.

Wait a minute, that's not a wookie...

By Howie at 10:54 AM | Comments |

War Porn: Splash!

Whoa baby, look at that splash!

Man, that thing is huge.

By Howie at 07:25 AM | Comments |

December 21, 2016

Totally Impossible to Prevent Berlin Attack Was Preventable

Point 1: Germany knew this terrorist and had him under surveillance.

Point 2: He had been flagged for deportation for lying on asylum applications multiple times.

Point 3: After Toulouse, no one thought to install barriers BEFORE people died?

The problem here is not lack of intelligence nor means to prevent an attack. The problem here is never ending intelligence gathering without any action on said intelligence.

Unused intelligence is worthless.

Amri was already known to German police for involvement in an ISIS cell, and had been under police surveillance. If Amri's involvement is confirmed, this would make the Berlin attack yet the most recent case of what I have termed "Known Wolf" terrorism and marking the eighth such incident this year.

As regular PJ Media readers would note, I first identified and termed the ongoing trend of "Known Wolf" terrorism - individuals committing terrorist acts who were already known to law enforcement and national security authorities - back in October 2014.

This year alone I've reported on "Known Wolf" incidents in Columbus, Ohio; Orlando, Florida; Normandy, France; Ontario, Canada; Strasbourg, France; Roanoke, Virginia; and New York/New Jersey.

I would note four of those seven cases in 2016 were here in the United States.


This is what Gitmo is for, I mean ISIS has declared war on Germany. Yet the Germans treated him with kid gloves. Don't ask Tunisia, Drop the SOB off the coast and let him swim south.

We don't need to close Gitmo, we need to fill it and get on with the firing squads. Because politically correct kid gloves won't beat blood thirsty Islamic terrorists.

By Howie at 11:28 AM | Comments |

December 20, 2016

Meanwhile in Chechnya

It seems the Islamists have started a sustained campaign against Russia, this will end badly for them.

The leader of Russia's troubled Chechnya region says security forces have killed 11 suspected militants in two clashes near the capital, Grozny.

Gunbattles, like the ones announced by Ramzan Kadyrov, used to be commonplace in the war-ravaged Russian region, but have become rare under Kadyrov's rule.

Kadyrov said in a post on the social-media network Instagram on December 18 that during the overnight clash, gunmen fired at police who tried to stop their vehicle. Police killed four gunmen and captured two others, who were hospitalized.

Later on December 18, he said, security forces tracked down other gunmen on the outskirts of Grozny and killed seven of them. Another four suspected militants have been captured, three of whom have been hospitalized, Kadyrov said.

A police officer was also wounded in the clash.

Kadyrov denied media reports claiming that there were more clashes and an explosion in Grozny itself, saying that security forces only engaged the militants only outside the city. He posted a video showing his troops firing their weapons and bodies of the militants lying in snowy fields and wooded areas following the clash.

"None of these devils will get out alive if they enter Grozny with weapons," Kadyrov wrote.

By Howie at 08:37 AM | Comments |

Sandcrawler PSA: Snowflakes Melt

Snowflakes are beautiful, but very short lived.

By Howie at 08:02 AM | Comments |

Today's Outstanding Islamic Cultural Contribution to Berlin's Christmas Market

This is how Islamic culture is helping Christians test their faith.

BERLIN — Bloody scenes of carnage and mayhem once again played out on the streets of Western Europe, this time targeting holiday revelers attending one of Germany’s renowned Christmas markets in the heart of Berlin.

Evoking images from the deadly Bastille Day attack earlier this year in Nice, France, a stolen Scania trailer truck barreled through the Breitscheidplatz city square in the German capital, mowing down dozens of civilians attending the popular holiday market in an attack U.S. and German officials both characterized as an act of terrorism.

German authorities took the suspected driver into custody shortly after the rampage came to an end near the landmark Kaiser Wilhelm Church in central Berlin, but not before, according to Berlin police, the driver had killed at least 12 people and injured 48 others.

German officers also discovered another individual dead inside the cabin of the truck, which had Polish license plates, but it remains unclear what, if any, role that person played in the attack.

Because what would shopping for Christmas gifts really mean if Cross Worshippers aren't willing to die for it?

Remember Baby Jesus, like totally in the Koran.

Update: German authorities now say...

By Howie at 07:30 AM | Comments |

December 19, 2016

Direct From The Princess

Jawa Report, we have connections with crazy people.

And crazy old hermits who live out beyond the Dune Sea.

By Howie at 02:21 PM | Comments |

Russian Ambassador Assassinated on Turkish Television

A clean shaven Turk shouting Allahu Ackbar! Secular....

Update: A video leading up to the shooting showing the assassin on the back of the room moving around.

By Howie at 12:10 PM | Comments |

Almost Shocking News! Yet Another Anjem Choudary Follower Becomes ISIS Executioner

So how many of Anjem's students have gone on to chop off heads? Just off the top of my head I count three.

ISIS has found another radical-Islamic Brit willing to butcher innocent hostages:
Mohammed Reza Haque, 36, is depicted in the video using a serrated hunting knife to cut off a prisoner’s head in the middle of a barren desert.


The vile killer was likened to extremist Mohamed Emwazi – dubbed ‘Jihadi John' – who beheaded five western hostages on video, after murdering his victim in an almost-identical fashion.

Emwazi was known as "Jihadi John," ISIS' most infamous executioner. Before he was finally taken out by an American drone, Emwazi slaughtered at least five prisoners: David Haines and Alan Henning from Britain, and Americans James Foley, Peter Kassig and Steven Sotloff. Although it was a great day for humankind when Emwazi was finally killed, he's now been succeeded by another radical Muslim from Britain: Mohammed Reza Haque.

By Howie at 10:51 AM | Comments |

December 14, 2016

Sandcrawler PSA: Cold War II Chapter IV

Dayum! I gotta get some more jerky for the shelter.

By Howie at 11:13 AM | Comments |

December 13, 2016

UN Fires Wonder Woman For Failing To Feel Boob Shame

According to the UN, Wonder Woman is haram.

So what did ya'll want?

Oh yeah, Jawa Report has an opening, and so does she!

(See I used a comma with and)

By Howie at 11:54 AM | Comments |

Honorless Allepo Rebels Feed Civilians to Assad in Futile Suicide

It's the end game in Aleppo, where a small band of rebels are willing to sacrifice every last civilian in a suicidal effort. Of course they will blame Assad for the impending disaster, for the rebels not caring enough to surrender when its clear they are beaten.

The tweet reads, "See how to burn Muslims alive in Aleppo. God suffices us #حلب_تباد "

See what I mean, it's total insanity.

By Howie at 09:28 AM | Comments |

Sandcrawler PSA: PEOTUS Priapism

Holy oilfields Batman!

He's er, letting them have it. Non-stop, joyfully.....

By Howie at 07:26 AM | Comments |

December 12, 2016

Dr. Mohamed Shamji Allegedly Gently Strangled His Estranged Wife and Caringly Stuffed Her Corpse in Suitcase

Apparently Mrs. Shamji forgot divorcing her husband is Haram.

By Howie at 10:59 AM | Comments |

On Deasher!

And Achmed and Omar and Abu-Vixen!

By Howie at 10:41 AM | Comments |

December 09, 2016

Jawa Christ-O-Hannukah Special

I'm going to hell, aren't I?

By Howie at 10:25 AM | Comments |

Regular Guy John Glenn Goes to Heaven

So, now who do little American kids pretend is in the rocket with them?

An authentic hero and genuine American icon, Glenn died this afternoon surrounded by family at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus after a remarkably healthy life spent almost from the cradle with Annie, his beloved wife of 73 years, who survives.


He, along with fellow aviators Orville and Wilbur Wright and moon-walker Neil Armstrong, truly made Ohio first in flight.

To me John Glenn was one of those guys who made it cool to be smart. The kind of person a young boy might include in his dreams. An aspiration, proof that it can happen.

It CAN happen.... RIP John Glenn.

By Howie at 07:30 AM | Comments |

December 07, 2016

Reader Love Mail: Omar Omar Where For Art Thou Omar Edition

A dear reader describes Jawa Report.

you're all bigots, Islamophobes, and losers.
Dude you don't need that comma with and.

What, are you trying to take my crown as King of the Random Comma?

By Howie at 07:49 AM | Comments |

Pearl Harbor Day 75th Anniversary

Short Man almost made it..... God Bless America.

By Howie at 07:46 AM | Comments |

December 05, 2016

Fidel Castro Pushed Into Grave

He's dead a buried.

The vehicle carrying Fidel Castro’s remains during his funeral parade broke down yesterday. Soldiers had to push it through the streets.

How symbolic! What could be more fitting, given the broken down nature of the antique Cuban state produced by Castro?

By Howie at 11:14 AM | Comments |

War Porn: Coalition airstrike destroys Da'esh headquarters building near Mosul, Iraq.

Daeshing through the snow, in a one horse open B1b.

O'er the hills we go, bombing all that way! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Sing it with me!

By Howie at 10:05 AM | Comments |

December 02, 2016

Woman Gets Death Fatwa For Running Around Saudi Arabia Damn Neart Nekkid

What a total and utter whore! You can see her eyes and everything!

The medieval Islamic system enforced in Saudi Arabia is on display this week after Malak Al Shehri decided to do what most women around the world do without a second’s thought: she went out into public without covering herself up with a veil or hijab. Malak then posted herself on a public street. The result has been volcanic with some supporting her courage but many others calling for her to be beheaded or “thrown to the dogs.” It is a reminder of the plight of women in the Kingdom and other Islamic countries imposing Sharia law.

nintchdbpict0002862353491-e1480673820788 (1).jpg

All women in Saudi Arabia – local and foreign – are legally required to wear an abaya or traditional full-body covering. Foreign women are exempted from the mandatory headscarf – or hijab.

Her Charms! They are giving me impure thoughts!

It's not my fault! It's a Zionist Plot!

By Howie at 09:53 AM | Comments |