December 31, 2016
Death to 2016!
Or Happy New Year!
SMOD let us down, not to mention all the other stuff. For me 2016 had that extra suck factor.
I've seen a lot of articles saying don't be down on 2016 cause people die every year, but stack of dead famous people is just one little factor.
Believe me 2016 sucked the royal big one, good riddance.
December 29, 2016
Caption This! Dark Side Edition
The Syrian regime announced a Russian and Turkish-brokered ceasefire agreement Thursday, the first such agreement not involving the U.S.Fatwas will be issued.
The ceasefire will reportedly begin at midnight and includes seven Syrian rebels groups, along with Turkey.
December 28, 2016
Debbie Reynolds Dies One Day After Carrie Fisher
Debbie Reynolds, the Oscar-nominated singer-actress who was the mother of late actress Carrie Fisher, has died at Cedars-Sinai hospital. She was 84.
“She wanted to be with Carrie,” her son Todd Fisher told Variety.
She was taken to the hospital from Todd Fisher’s Beverly Hills house Wednesday after a suspected stroke, the day after her daughter Carrie Fisher died.
Total 100% Proof ISIS Are Gay
ISIS introduces members of new boy band in effort to draw more youthful supporters from key sales demographic pic.twitter.com/6GpnqT1Iux— (((R. Shackleford))) (@mypetjawa) December 28, 2016
Just so you know, our Islamic State of Gay Losers category has been in existence since you morons changed from Taweed and Jihad or some shit like that, to AQI, to Islamic State in Iraq.
War Porn: Syrian Crater Edition
A new crater was discovered in Syria, it was hidden by a pump jack.
December 27, 2016
The Princess Has Passed - Drowned In Moonlight, Strangled By Her Own Bra
We at Jawa Report are on mourning. Carrie Fisher has passed away.
Carrie Fisher died Tuesday morning ... days after suffering a massive heart attack on board a flight from London to LAX ... a family spokesperson has confirmed.We just ran one of Carrie's tweet's last week.
TMZ broke the story ... Fisher was on a flight from London to LAX Friday when she suffered the heart attack 15 minutes before landing. People on the plane tell TMZ she appeared lifeless.
Image credit: Rolling Stone.
A passenger who's an EMT performed CPR on Carrie and once the flight landed, paramedics rushed her to UCLA Medical Center where she remained in intensive care until her death.
The family had said she was in "stable condition" but we're told she was not responsive after her medical emergency.
Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher has died aged 60. Here's what we know so far. https://t.co/ly4AmZfbZa— Sky News (@SkyNews) December 27, 2016
[UPDATE By DMartyr]: I just wanted to add, here and in title, Carrie Fisher drowned in moonlight, strangled by her bra. Goodnight, Princess.
Ibrahim Cooper Confirms Islam is Mental Illness
Ibrahim Cooper, batshit crazy.
CAIR’s Hooper: US Muslims’ 'Mental Health Issues' Cause Them to Fake Hate Crimes https://t.co/9nmc5NsCT3— Trumpnado (@JayS2629) December 27, 2016
But it was this blog that made him that way. See, we're not without achievements.
December 22, 2016
Blog Sabbath Caption Contest: Saddam Erdogan Edition
Fatwas will be issued.
Update: Previous contests judged.
Merry Christmas Jawas
Hat Tip: Twitchy.
Update: Now Jingle Bells.
Wait a minute, that's not a wookie...
War Porn: Splash!
Whoa baby, look at that splash!
Man, that thing is huge.
December 21, 2016
Totally Impossible to Prevent Berlin Attack Was Preventable
Point 1: Germany knew this terrorist and had him under surveillance.
Point 2: He had been flagged for deportation for lying on asylum applications multiple times.
Point 3: After Toulouse, no one thought to install barriers BEFORE people died?
The problem here is not lack of intelligence nor means to prevent an attack. The problem here is never ending intelligence gathering without any action on said intelligence.
Amri was already known to German police for involvement in an ISIS cell, and had been under police surveillance. If Amri's involvement is confirmed, this would make the Berlin attack yet the most recent case of what I have termed "Known Wolf" terrorism and marking the eighth such incident this year.Update:
As regular PJ Media readers would note, I first identified and termed the ongoing trend of "Known Wolf" terrorism - individuals committing terrorist acts who were already known to law enforcement and national security authorities - back in October 2014.
This year alone I've reported on "Known Wolf" incidents in Columbus, Ohio; Orlando, Florida; Normandy, France; Ontario, Canada; Strasbourg, France; Roanoke, Virginia; and New York/New Jersey.
I would note four of those seven cases in 2016 were here in the United States.
Germany attempted to deport Christmas Market terrorist, but Tunisia refused to take him backhttps://t.co/rulQawGCpG— Howie Roark (@Toro520) December 21, 2016
This is what Gitmo is for, I mean ISIS has declared war on Germany. Yet the Germans treated him with kid gloves. Don't ask Tunisia, Drop the SOB off the coast and let him swim south.
We don't need to close Gitmo, we need to fill it and get on with the firing squads. Because politically correct kid gloves won't beat blood thirsty Islamic terrorists.
December 20, 2016
Meanwhile in Chechnya
The leader of Russia's troubled Chechnya region says security forces have killed 11 suspected militants in two clashes near the capital, Grozny.
Gunbattles, like the ones announced by Ramzan Kadyrov, used to be commonplace in the war-ravaged Russian region, but have become rare under Kadyrov's rule.
Kadyrov said in a post on the social-media network Instagram on December 18 that during the overnight clash, gunmen fired at police who tried to stop their vehicle. Police killed four gunmen and captured two others, who were hospitalized.
Later on December 18, he said, security forces tracked down other gunmen on the outskirts of Grozny and killed seven of them. Another four suspected militants have been captured, three of whom have been hospitalized, Kadyrov said.
A police officer was also wounded in the clash.
Kadyrov denied media reports claiming that there were more clashes and an explosion in Grozny itself, saying that security forces only engaged the militants only outside the city. He posted a video showing his troops firing their weapons and bodies of the militants lying in snowy fields and wooded areas following the clash.
"None of these devils will get out alive if they enter Grozny with weapons," Kadyrov wrote.
Sandcrawler PSA: Snowflakes Melt
Snowflakes are beautiful, but very short lived.
Today's Outstanding Islamic Cultural Contribution to Berlin's Christmas Market
BERLIN — Bloody scenes of carnage and mayhem once again played out on the streets of Western Europe, this time targeting holiday revelers attending one of Germany’s renowned Christmas markets in the heart of Berlin.Because what would shopping for Christmas gifts really mean if Cross Worshippers aren't willing to die for it?
Evoking images from the deadly Bastille Day attack earlier this year in Nice, France, a stolen Scania trailer truck barreled through the Breitscheidplatz city square in the German capital, mowing down dozens of civilians attending the popular holiday market in an attack U.S. and German officials both characterized as an act of terrorism.
German authorities took the suspected driver into custody shortly after the rampage came to an end near the landmark Kaiser Wilhelm Church in central Berlin, but not before, according to Berlin police, the driver had killed at least 12 people and injured 48 others.
German officers also discovered another individual dead inside the cabin of the truck, which had Polish license plates, but it remains unclear what, if any, role that person played in the attack.
Remember Baby Jesus, like totally in the Koran.
Update: German authorities now say...
BREAKING: Berlin police confirm suspect in custody first believed to have perpetrated truck attack on Christmas market is "the wrong man."— Josh Elliott (@JoshElliott32) December 20, 2016
December 19, 2016
Direct From The Princess
Jawa Report, we have connections with crazy people.
SHTAR WARS - The Kingdom Shtrikes Back - YouTube. Graham Norton sent me this 🅰💲🅿️⛎♑ℹ💲♓️Ⓜ️📧♑️✝️. F🅾️® 💲🅾️Ⓜ️📧✝️♓️ℹ♑g https://t.co/3TKqn5WLYZ— Carrie Fisher (@carrieffisher) December 19, 2016
And crazy old hermits who live out beyond the Dune Sea.
Russian Ambassador Assassinated on Turkish Television
A clean shaven Turk shouting Allahu Ackbar! Secular....
Allegedly, a Turkish policeman assigned to security detail of Russian ambassador at an art exhibition has shot him "in revenge for Aleppo" pic.twitter.com/0bNB0mz7Dy— Daniele Raineri (@DanieleRaineri) December 19, 2016
NOW THIS is modern art. pic.twitter.com/nhN2i6jRxM— WYATT (@awyattman88) December 19, 2016
Update: A video leading up to the shooting showing the assassin on the back of the room moving around.
فيديو جديد يظهر اللحظات التي سبقت اغتيال السفير الروسي في انقرة وحركة القاتل في صالة معرض الصور قبل إطلاقه النار. pic.twitter.com/QII1LIry82— Zaid Benjamin (@zaidbenjamin) December 20, 2016
Almost Shocking News! Yet Another Anjem Choudary Follower Becomes ISIS Executioner
ISIS has found another radical-Islamic Brit willing to butcher innocent hostages:Mohammed Reza Haque, 36, is depicted in the video using a serrated hunting knife to cut off a prisoner’s head in the middle of a barren desert.Emwazi was known as "Jihadi John," ISIS' most infamous executioner. Before he was finally taken out by an American drone, Emwazi slaughtered at least five prisoners: David Haines and Alan Henning from Britain, and Americans James Foley, Peter Kassig and Steven Sotloff. Although it was a great day for humankind when Emwazi was finally killed, he's now been succeeded by another radical Muslim from Britain: Mohammed Reza Haque.
The vile killer was likened to extremist Mohamed Emwazi – dubbed ‘Jihadi John' – who beheaded five western hostages on video, after murdering his victim in an almost-identical fashion.
December 14, 2016
Sandcrawler PSA: Cold War II Chapter IV
Dayum! I gotta get some more jerky for the shelter.
December 13, 2016
UN Fires Wonder Woman For Failing To Feel Boob Shame
According to the UN, Wonder Woman is haram.
So what did ya'll want?
Oh yeah, Jawa Report has an opening, and so does she!
(See I used a comma with and)
Honorless Allepo Rebels Feed Civilians to Assad in Futile Suicide
It's the end game in Aleppo, where a small band of rebels are willing to sacrifice every last civilian in a suicidal effort. Of course they will blame Assad for the impending disaster, for the rebels not caring enough to surrender when its clear they are beaten.
The tweet reads, "See how to burn Muslims alive in Aleppo. God suffices us #حلب_تباد "
See what I mean, it's total insanity.
Sandcrawler PSA: PEOTUS Priapism
He's er, letting them have it. Non-stop, joyfully.....
December 12, 2016
Dr. Mohamed Shamji Allegedly Gently Strangled His Estranged Wife and Caringly Stuffed Her Corpse in Suitcase
Apparently Mrs. Shamji forgot divorcing her husband is Haram.
Meet Dr. Mohamed Shamji of Toronto. Charged with the murder of his wife Dr. Elana Shamji who was seeking a divorce pic.twitter.com/d7QdsLmYs2— Tarek तारिक Fatah (@TarekFatah) December 12, 2016
December 09, 2016
Jawa Christ-O-Hannukah Special
I'm going to hell, aren't I?
Regular Guy John Glenn Goes to Heaven
An authentic hero and genuine American icon, Glenn died this afternoon surrounded by family at the Ohio State University Wexner Medical Center in Columbus after a remarkably healthy life spent almost from the cradle with Annie, his beloved wife of 73 years, who survives.To me John Glenn was one of those guys who made it cool to be smart. The kind of person a young boy might include in his dreams. An aspiration, proof that it can happen.
He, along with fellow aviators Orville and Wilbur Wright and moon-walker Neil Armstrong, truly made Ohio first in flight.
It CAN happen.... RIP John Glenn.
December 07, 2016
Reader Love Mail: Omar Omar Where For Art Thou Omar Edition
you're all bigots, Islamophobes, and losers.Dude you don't need that comma with and.
What, are you trying to take my crown as King of the Random Comma?
Pearl Harbor Day 75th Anniversary
Short Man almost made it..... God Bless America.
December 05, 2016
Fidel Castro Pushed Into Grave
The vehicle carrying Fidel Castro’s remains during his funeral parade broke down yesterday. Soldiers had to push it through the streets.
AP photo: Soldiers get out and have to push Castro's funeral vehicle after it breaks down. Fitting end for a two-bit tyrant. pic.twitter.com/rPAIwxZB0l— T. Becket Adams (@BecketAdams) December 4, 2016
How symbolic! What could be more fitting, given the broken down nature of the antique Cuban state produced by Castro?
War Porn: Coalition airstrike destroys Da'esh headquarters building near Mosul, Iraq.
Daeshing through the snow, in a one horse open B1b.
O'er the hills we go, bombing all that way! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Sing it with me!
December 02, 2016
Woman Gets Death Fatwa For Running Around Saudi Arabia Damn Neart Nekkid
The medieval Islamic system enforced in Saudi Arabia is on display this week after Malak Al Shehri decided to do what most women around the world do without a second’s thought: she went out into public without covering herself up with a veil or hijab. Malak then posted herself on a public street. The result has been volcanic with some supporting her courage but many others calling for her to be beheaded or “thrown to the dogs.” It is a reminder of the plight of women in the Kingdom and other Islamic countries imposing Sharia law.Her Charms! They are giving me impure thoughts!
All women in Saudi Arabia – local and foreign – are legally required to wear an abaya or traditional full-body covering. Foreign women are exempted from the mandatory headscarf – or hijab.
It's not my fault! It's a Zionist Plot!