December 21, 2009

Go Forth and Shoplift

(York, England) Some people are outraged. Father Tim Jones of the St. Lawrence Church yesterday told his congregation to shoplift during a Nativity sermon.

Delivering his festive lesson, Father Jones told the congregation: 'My advice, as a Christian priest, is to shoplift. I do not offer such advice because I think that stealing is a good thing, or because I think it is harmless, for it is neither.

'I would ask that they do not steal from small family businesses, but from large national businesses, knowing that the costs are ultimately passed on to the rest of us in the form of higher prices.

'I would ask them not to take any more than they need, for any longer than they need.

'I offer the advice with a heavy heart and wish society would recognise that bureaucratic ineptitude and systematic delay has created an invitation and incentive to crime for people struggling to cope.'

Jones said it's better to be a shoplifter than a whore, mugger or burglar. It's not known where embezzlers, blackmailers, Ponzi schemers and dope dealers fit on the Tim Jones religious scale of criminal relativity. (More ....)

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