September 26, 2009

Toilet Paper News

Last month, the Cuban state-run toilet paper company, Cimex, announced that it is unable to supply adequate toilet paper to the nation until at least December 2009. Budget cuts slashed imports and Cuba has a shortage of raw materials to manufacture enough toilet paper to meet demand. Therefore:

"Until more supplies are produced, citizens are encouraged to conserve toilet paper by tearing off fewer squares, switching from two-ply to one-ply or using cigar wrappers."
It's assumed that the guidance referring to cigar wrappers applies to specifically-grown, broad tobacco leaves as opposed to the actual people who wrap cigars.

Notably, the Cuban broadleaf tobacco is considered by many to be the world's finest so individuals using it as a toilet paper substitute can bask in the knowledge that they are wiping with the very best.

Meanwhile, people who arguably do wipe with the very best, Americans, are being criticized for using plush three-ply toilet paper. Americans prefer and seek softness in toilet tissue and environmentalists contend that old-growth forests are being destroyed because of the preference.

"The reason, they say, is that plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old. They want Americans, like Europeans, to wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods."
Consequently, the challenge for environmentalists is to convince the American public to adopt a cult-like, save-the-planet mentality and welcome scratchiness in toilet tissue -- or -- get a law passed.

Nevertheless, the toilet paper situations in Cuba and in the U.S. have at least one thing in common -- an underlying utopian philosophy. In Cuba, it's Marxist utopianism where everyone shares in the sacrifice, except for those who do the divvying, of course. In the U.S., it's environmentalist utopianism where everyone shares in the sacrifice, also except for those who do the divvying.

In conclusion, one result of utopianism in Cuba is the people being told to wipe their behinds with leaves, just like the Neanderthal and Cro-Magnon did, and it could be argued that the environmentalists would be happy if the same thing happened in the U.S. (More ....)

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