December 10, 2007

The Mike Huckabee Nightmare --- literally

Last night I had a nightmare featuring Mike Huckabee. I've never dreamed about politics before. Ever.

Well, not unless you count that one dream I keep having about Ann Coulter, Jeri Thompson, and a trampoline. Wait, what was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, the point is that it was freaky deaky. And not in a good way.

In the dream our department endorsed Mike Huckabee for President. Yeah, I know university departments don't endorse presidential candidates--it was a freaking dream for crying out loud!

Anyway, there was some kind of committee set up to study the issue of which presidential candidate we should endorse. The committee did some kind of cost-benefit analysis, and even though there was no consensus, decided to endorse Fred Thompson.

Then in walked the Dean. In the dream, the eeevil Dean. In real life he's a pretty nice guy. But this was a dream, and he was eeeeeevil.

He said thanks for all the hard work the committee had done but he had put his own report together. It endorsed Mike Huckabee.

Now, you might be thinking, "Er, Russ, how is that a nightmare? Don't nightmares usually involve Helen Thomas, Hillary Clinton, and a trampoline?"

Yeah, well, I don't know how to explain it, but in my dream I was furious. Outraged. Mortified. Every one on the committee, fearing the wrath of the evil Dean, voted to recommend that we adopt his "study" and endorsement of Huckabee. All except me and the self-admitted Marxist historian.

The "study" that the Dean had done was sloppy beyond all measure. It was glaringly obvious to my dream-self that the entire thing was a cover for the real reason the Dean wanted us to endorse Huckabee: Mike Huckabee is Jesus' choice for President.

Seriously, I was pissed off to the extreme. I can't explain why. I just was.

In fact, I'm in a bad mood this morning over the dream. You might say I'm having a nightmare hangover.

Rationally I know that a Huckabee presidency wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Certainly no worse than the compassionate conservatism of the George W. Bush presidency.

Well, maybe worse since he thinks that waterboarding terrorists makes baby Jesus cry.

But on a visceral level I have this reaction to him that....well, I just can't explain. Something about him just bothers me. Greatly.

And it's not the melding of Chuck Norris with Mike Huckabee -- Chuckabee. I love Chuck. And any one who doesn't is itching for a fight!

This reaction I'm having also bothers me. I should know better than to have a hysterical emotional reaction to a presidential candidate.

This must be what it feels like to be Andrew Sullivan.

So, any Freudians out there want to tell me why I'm having Huckabee nightmares?