June 01, 2007

My Donation to the GOP

Some of you think I'm just 100% anti-GOP right now. I'm not. I just believe in the idea of "tough love."

As long as my Republican elected officials act like whiny teenage emo brats, they're grounded. They can stomp around their little podiums, and cry about how I'm such a "racist" and a "bigot," and how I'm "ignorant," how I "hate all the brown people," I'm always "scaring them," I won't "do what's right for [North] America," etc., etc., but until our little brats learn to behave, they're grounded. If they don't straighten up pretty soon, we're going to send them all back to live in foster care in that trailer park where we found them. Keep cryin', boys, and we'll give you something to cry about.

But sometimes I'm just an old softie at heart. Like, for example, earlier today, I went over to GOP.com to give the Party a quarter, because I figured they might need it to call someone who cared. There's a saying, "even a whore has her pride," and so it is with the GOP. They wouldn't take my quarter. The minimum donation they would accept was four quarters. Being the old softie I am, I went ahead and gave them four quarters, so now they can call four people who care.

And now they know that, whatever the reason they're not getting any real money from me, it's not because I forgot about them, or because I'm just too lazy to make a donation. Now they know that I've put some thought into just how much I value their efforts out in Washington, and I went out of my way to contribute accordingly.

By Ragnar Danneskjold, Typical Bitter Gun-Clinger at 10:41 AM | |