October 18, 2006

Insurgents Request Union Spackler

paperplateman.JPGThe Mujahadbeen Shura Council has released a new internet message. The Jawa Report has obtained a copy of the message. Howie doesnít speak Arabic so my translation may be somewhat less than entirely accurate. But I did my best and thatís all anyone can expect, right?

In the name of Allah the most Gracious the most Merciful

Oí Allah, straighten up our aim and make us stand firm

All Praise and thanks are Allahís, the Lord of all that exists. And peace be upon our prophet Muhammad, his family and companions in entirety.

Iím here to announce the creation of a new Islamic state within Iraq. The borders of which extend all the way to the four corners of this room.

But just effing look at me. This place is crawling with American and Iraqi troops, so much so that I have to hide my face for fear they will catch me.

And even more embarrassing we are so short on funds that our new camera guy had to tape a paper plate to my turban to hide my identity.

I ask you, is this any way to support the insurgency? We have been murdering people left and right and where is our support?

Also you promised to send Muhammad Abu-Spacklerís first born to fix this giant f&%$ing crack in the wall behind me.

I swear if you donít send me some Dinars post haste I will go on strike and stop chopping off heads!

Jesus effing Christ! If the outside world sees me begging for money in this dump, Iíll never be able to strike fear into the hearts of the cross worshippers!

Get on the stick and whip out your pocketbooks or Iím going back to driving a cab in Bahgdad.

Allah is great,

ďHonor, power and glory belong to Allah, to his messenger, and to the believers, but the hypocrites know not.Ē

The media committee of the Bad Gay Mujahadbeen Shura council of Iraq.

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Update: There was a postscipt on the message that took me a bit to figure out.

Mom, I really enjoyed the Raman noodles you sent. If you could add some more of those too, I'd really appreciate it. Love Abu.

By Howie at 10:28 AM | Comments |