March 29, 2006

WTW Apostate Howie

Yes I’ve been you know a bit bored with being Baptist and I’ve been looking for a “Death Cult� to join you know mid life crisis. I’ve been seeking danger and generally missing being young and stupid. So I tried the Satanists but they wanted me to strangle a live kitten to gain power and hey man I just won’t go there. So after hearing all the cool stuff about Islam, I thought, hey next best thing. I mean you can rip off, screw over, lie to, and blow up infidels whenever things don’t all go just your way. It’s so much more fun than pesky Christianity. You know all that admit it’s your fault, no sin, and treat people well stuff. It’s hard. Plus add to the fact I can abdicate my responsibility for my wife and children with just three words! Rape hot Infidel women with impunity. So I decided to convert to Islam.

Here Goes, the following events occurred yesterday at the Tatooine Bureau between 8 am and 9 am….

Howie: Rusty I’m converting, can you hand me that new Koran go got over there?

Rusty : Here you go Howie.

Howie: Whew man! This thing reeks, What the hell is that stuff all over our Koran?

Rusty : It’s a special piss blend I made. Me, See-Dub, and old tom cat really gives it a kick. You like it?

Howie : Ughh, How did you get the cat to….never mind.

Pages turning.

Howie makes comment: Rusty, this stuff reads like the ranting of an old drunken Charles Manson.

Rusty : Yeah pretty much.

Howie: There is not god but Allah and Mohammad is his prophet. Now I need to pray, which way to the idol? Err Uh, I mean Mecca.

Rusty : That way Howie.

Howie : OK thanks. Does this idol not suck? I mean it’s a box. Can we not get something cooler like a nude statue of Angelina Jolie?

Howie : Man Rusty, for some reason I keep wanting to blow us all up and that nanny goat out back is looking pretty hot. I’ve got to convert back to Christianity and fast. YPB can you do my baptism?

YBP appears with a glowing light surrounding his head : I think so, but are you not Baptist. How do I do that.

Howie: You have to dunk me.

YBP: Do you Howie accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?

Howie: Yes sir!

YBP : Ok, Let us pray.

And YPB lets loose with a very eloquent prayer and then : In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost I baptize thee Howie.

Rusty after a couple minutes: Uh YBP I think you are supposed to let him up otherwise it’s called drowning not baptism.

Greg from corner of room, Greg is always standing in the corner here : No leave him in, leave him in! If he doesn’t drown it proves he is a witch or JOOOooooo controlled android.

YBP: OK, I’m kind of new at this part. Greg, be nice.

Howie: Praise the Lord! I’m saved!

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