March 07, 2006

Brokeback Heartbreak: Riots Erupt Over Oscar Snub

Breaking News: Must Cite Jawa Report

By Vinnie

(San Francisco - Jawa Report) They were 5 little words gone largely unnoticed by the vast majority of a nation blissfully unaware that the Academy Awards were even on that night.

"And the Oscar goes to...Crash."

Those five words started a ripple that has turned into a tsunami of rage that is now sweeping the world.

In Paris, militant gays attempted to storm the American Embassy, but were repulsed when a quick thinking Marine guard ran inside and came back to his post in full dress blues, stopping the throng in its tracks, mouths open and tongues lolling.

In London, rampaging mobs chanting "Remember The Crying Game! were beaten back by police employing several well-placed slaps to the face.

In Tehran, a quickly assembled march was just as quickly rounded up, and all participants hung from cranes.

Demonstrations in the United States were largely peaceful, with some exceptions.

In San Francisco, George Fisting, Womyn's Studies Professor at UC Berkeley stirred the crowd with; "We're tired of being the other white meat! We're sick of being a minority within minorities. We're sick of being judged by the content of our character, and not the color of our skin, and we're not gonna take it any more!" The crowd roared its approval.

At the SF demonstration, I noticed a woman with close cropped hair standing by herself, arms crossed, with a bemused look on her face. When I asked her why she didn't join in with the fist pumping fervor of the male-dominated crowd, she replied, "I have no dog in this hunt. After all, 99.9% of the men know that I'm the good gay.

Vinnie is the executive editor of offending people at the Jawa Report. He also blogs at Vince Aut Morire. Pronounced veen-kay aut mo-rir-ay

By Vinnie at 10:55 PM | Comments |