December 05, 2005

On Saving Saddam

Looking at pictures from carnivale (a.k.a. The Saddam Show in Baghdad), I noticed a few things. First, the odd similarities between "President" Hussein and Don Flamenco from Mike Tyson's Punch Out. Compare Don with the picture in this post and judge for yourself:


See? Anyway, that was an unimportant point, as I have NES flashbacks constantly. Beyond that, I came to a startling conclusion. We MUST save Saddam Hussein. We cannot let him die. His DNA is too important to piss away, especially since his sons met a far nobler end (well, as noble as perishing in a shootout with a teenage boy in your company can be).

But why must Saddam live?

Look at this, this, and this. I see a man, albeit a tyrant, nearing 70 years old. No no, he isn't too old to be punished, that's not my point. But look closely.

He has some of the blackest, fullest hair I have ever seen on a man that age. His hair is so dark, light itself is having a difficult time escaping. Only him and Jerry Lewis have hair so dark so late in years. Saddam, in his very Jew-hating, Arab-nationalist, Kurd-killing genes, holds the key to eternal color and texture. This man is a treasure! Someone please save him!

Unless he dyes it. Then the scumbag bastard is on his own. Just make sure to hang him and Ramsey Clark next to each other (because come on, who does he think he's fooling?).

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