September 30, 2005

Al Qaeda Planning Nuclear Holocaust to Celebrate Ramadan

Al-Qaida is planning to detonate nuclear devices in seven major U.S. cities next month during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan. At least, that's what World Net Daily is reporting. Of course, to find out the details of the report WND is only asking for the paltry sum of $99 dollars a year or $9.95 a month.

On a related note, The Jawa Report has intercepted a message from al-Qaeda Godfather Osama bin Laden to Iraq's sheikh of al-Qaeda, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, in which he reveals exactly which seven American cities will be nuked.

Which cities will suffer, and I quote, "a nuclear hell storm"? For the amazingly low price of $1,000, The Jawa Report will let you in on the big secret.

Here's a hint: you there, the guy reading this right now from your office computer. Yeah, you. I'd be having second thoughts about that business trip to you-know-where next month.

Seriously.

Ok, so there is no intercepted message. Color me skeptical about WND's claims of an impending nuclear holocaust. If al-Qaeda has nukes, is it simply waiting for Ramadan for maximum impact? Why didn't it use them on September 11th? Fourth of July? Chanukah? Groundhog Day?

Scenario 1) Al Qaeda doesn't have nukes, and never has had nukes. If they ever did manage to get a hold of an old Soviet suitcase bomb it was a dud or a fake. Most likely scenario.

Scenario 2) Al Qaeda has nukes but is afraid to use them. The goal of al Qaeda is the gradual restoration of the global caliphate. Nuking the U.S. would surely unleash retalliation so severe as to make several parts of the future caliphate unlivable for the foreseeable future. Less likely, but possible.

So, relax, go about your business, and enjoy the traditional Ramadan festivities--such as personally slitting the throat of a sheep or goat!

Thanks to John from Stop the ACLU for the tip.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 08:38 AM | Comments |