August 26, 2005

The Rosary of the Left: Hail Cindy Sheehan, full of grace....

The Rosary of the the far left:

1) Make the Sign of the Ankh and say the "Leftist Creed."

I believe in Gaia, the Mother, who is the Spirit of earth; and in Casey, Her only Son, our fallen Lord; Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of the Lesbian Union of Gaia and Cindy, suffered under George W. Bush, was shot, died, and was buried. Mother Sheehan descended into Crawford, Texas; the third day she went back to California, only to reappear in Crawford. She will ascend into heaven after following around and pestering the Great Satan, and sit at the right hand of The Great Universal Spirit or Spirits (choose gender and number), the Almighty; from thence She shall come to judge the living and the dead. I believe in Noam Chomsky, the Holy Univerity Curriculum, the communion of all anti-establishment forces, the forgiveness of every one, especially those who don't change their ways, and the inevetable coming of the Communist Utopia. Amen.
2) Say the "Our Mother."
Our mother, who dwells in everything; hallowed be Thy name; Thy Socialist kingdom come; Thy will be done, or we will force it upon every one. Give us this day our daily organic bread; and no need to forgive us our tresspass since no one can own Mother Earth, and lead us not into corporate temptation; but deliver us from evil. Amen.
3) Say three "Hail Cindys."
Hail Cindy, full of grace, Gaia is with thee; blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Casey. Holy Cindy, The Incarnation of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death at the hands of greedy multinational corporations and Zionist neocons. Amen.
4) Say the "Glory be to the Trinity."
Glory be to the Mother Earth, and to the Mother Earth Incarnate Cindy, and to the Holy Communion of all pre-Christian deities and New Age Universal Spirits. As it was in the beginning before mankind destroyed the Earth, and ever shall be after the overthrow of Bushhitler, world without end. Amen.
5) Announce the first mystery (The Annunciation of Cindy by the Channeled Spirit of Zorfor, a Third Century BCE Zorastrian Mystic) then repeat "Our Mother."

6) Say ten "Hail Cindys," while meditating on the Mystery of the Annunciation.

7) Say the "Glory be to the Trinity."

8) Announce the Second Mystery (The Visitation of Cindy Sheehan to the Students Against the War Rally at San Francisco State University); then say the "Our Mother." Repeat 6 and 7 and continue with Third (The Naivite), Fourth (The Presentation of the Uturus to Mother Earth) and Fifth (The Finding of Cindy at a Lecture by Edward Said) Mysteries in the same manner.

After the Rosary:

HAIL, HOLY QUEEN, Mother of Mercy, our life, our sweetness and our hope! To thee do we cry, poor banished children of losing every election; to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Turn then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb. O clement, O loving, O sweet Mother Cindy!

Drum Circle Leader: Pray for us, O Holy Mother of Our Hopes.

Hippies Respond: That we may be made worthy of the promises of Marx.

Let us pray. O Gaia, whose only begotten Daughter, by Her life, Her son's death, and the resurrection of our hopes that this war will turn into another Vietnam, has purchased for us the rewards of political victory, grant, we beseech Thee, that meditating upon these mysteries of the Most Holy Rosary of the Blessed Cindy Sheehan, we may imitate what they contain and obtain what they promise, through the same Cindy Sheehan. Amen.
After each decade say the following prayer requested by the Blessed and Holy Ward Churchill: "O my Cindy, forgive the sins of the PNAC Zionist pigs and Imperialist aggressors who forced the brave freedom fighters of al Qaeda to kill the deserving collaboraters, save us from the fires of Guantanamo Bay, lead all souls to protest McChimpy's war, especially those who have most need of a bath, a job, and a steady dose of lithium. Amen."

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 11:49 AM | Comments |