July 30, 2005

Hot Muslim Chicks of the World, Unite and Take Over

I now know Muslim women are hot and America is the greatest country in the world.

Taking a break from my writing/vacation duties I came across several Google Ads on my site that took me to a couple of Muslim Singles websites. Huzzah, I says to myself, what better way to get a fatwa than to say bad things about Muslim women? Victory is mine!

But in order to see what the chicks look like I had to register and upload a photo. No problem.

Married w/kids. Looking for mut’ah wife [meaning wife for temporary enjoyment--ok in Shia teachings] to fulfill my needs while my wife is ha'rem [you know, OTR]. Must be faithful and willing to receive instruction and be disciplined [you know, I can slap you around if I want]. Must be at least 12 years older than Muhammed's (peace be upon his name) wife Aisha [Muhammed married a six year old.].
So I finally get to look at some of these pictures and to my astonishment, there were quite a few hot Muslim chicks! Seriously. This is what I'm talking about when I'm talking about America. The ability to take this:


Raise her in an atmosphere of freedom. Give her rock and roll. Introduce her to a credit card and a shopping mall. Install cable TV with two MTVs and a VH1 station dedicated entirely to the 1980s. Then she transforms into this:


Man, have I been wrong all this time or what? I'm seriously, if this is the type of Muslim chick that America is producing then sign me up for two or three!

And just when you were asking yourself Where are all the white women at? the answer comes from the most unlikely place: The Religion of Peace and Hot Chicks!


Come to Butthead!

This chick below, though, might could use a burka. Then again, who's looking at her face?

Do you think they can replace silicon and saline with an ammonium nitrate based filler? Cause if they can then TSA might want to keep an eye on the chick above. She could single handedly take out a 747 with those things.

Parenthetically, her ad says she is a convert looking for some one who will have patience and the ability to teach her. I think there is a Depeche Mode song about precisely that. Yes, I'm into Depeche Mode and I'm not gay.

This next chick looks like she's into country music. Don't ask me why but I imagine a pair of boots on her. Maybe one of our Deep South readers will do us all a favor and take her on as a second wife?


Ok, so where's wife #2 for all the Bill Dautierieve's out there? Bill is into Asian chicks. Here you go Bill, ol buddy, ol pal. The best kind of Asian chick. The half asian half anglo half Muslim kind.

The moral of the story is never judge a book by its cover.

Wait. No. That's not the moral at all.

The moral of the story is judge a book by its cover.

After all, when was the last time you heard of a hot Muslim girl blowing herself up in the hopes of getting 72 white raisins in the afterlife?

Never. That's how often.

So if the entire Muslim world would just send their hot daughters over to the U.S., our cultural depravity will slowly transform them into hot Muslim vixens and the occasional Muslim go-go dancer. I can assure you that a hot chick will never meet the martyrs fate.


And another thing, if Muhammed Atta and the other 18 SOBs who learned to fly a jet airplane had just a lilttle of that hot Muslim sweet-sweet lovin in this life, there would have been no need to commit an act of mass-murdering terrorism just to get a little nookie.

(ps-what do you make of that picture? "Hot Muslim woman will trade sweet-sweet lovin for man willing to become martyr" or "Need flying lessons, fast. TSA never suspects hot chicks."?)

Any one have any better pics?

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 02:51 PM | Comments |