June 03, 2005

Jihadi Training Video

I've seen a lot of jihadi videos in my time, but this one takes the cake for sheer retardedness. I'm calling it the al-Timmy video. You know, if this is the kind of training the mujahidin are getting now it's no wonder they have to resort to suicide missions as their only successful means of attacks. Even so, it's amazing that these retards could pull off killing themselves let alone any one else. Yes, the video is that idiotic.

It's also quite funny. Below are a series of vidcaps I pulled off from it. The quality is bad, due to poor lighting in the video, but trust me these are beyond funny.

Above: The opening segment is astonishingly funny in that kind of, "Hey mom, le's laugh at the Mongoloids" sort of way. Seriously, is it possible to be actually embarrassed for a jihadi? Man this guy is retarded! It features some sort of reflex exercise in which the terrorist-in-training is instructed in the age old art of putting a rabbit (or dove, hard to tell) up his sleeve. The jihadi then is shown how the rabbit (or dove) can be moved up the sleeve, down the shirt, and finally down the pants and out. I KID YOU FREAKING NOT!

"You see the detonator in my hand? Now you don't! Where did it go? Not up my sleeves. Here it is, in my shoe! How did I do that? Allahu-akhbar, it was done with the help of a magic jin!"

Above: Then in the jihadi training video there is this very odd finger exercise. No joke, the dude actually instructs in the ancient and secret art of clenching your fingers and then extending them. "Fingers in, fingers out. We will rid all Muslim lands of the infidel Zionist-Crusader forces with our littlest fingers!"

Above: I didn't know Michael Jackson was a jihadi in his spare time? I've no idea what the hell is going on here. This segment instructs the paduan learner how to put on gloves. Damn, if that aint a useful skill!

Above: In this segment we are taught how to sterilize a needle. Because you wouldn't want to leave an infection when you poison an infidel! That, or this is for all those heroin addicted jihadis so they don't pick up the HIV. This segment might be sponsored by the Ad Council.

Above: The most important skill taught in the video is shown here. You never know when standing on your head will be needed! Maybe when the Mossad agents catch you, you could show them that you can stand on your head. That way they'll say, "Hey, this guy can stand on his head. He can't be a terrorist!"

You can download the entire video at the June 2 entry here.