May 31, 2005

I'm Muslim, Bitch! Islam to Blame for Chappelle Show Demise

Hold on. Just give me a second to breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. I need to sit down. This has to be some kind of sick joke.

Dave.....Chappelle.....Is....A.....Muslim?

Chappelle struggling to make his faith, comedy work. Comedian trying to reconcile Muslim beliefs with irreverent show.

Something is not right in this story.

Aha! It is all making sense now. Check out this part of the story:

He was having problems throughout the writing," Farley added. "It dealt with some very difficult sexual and political and racial material ... He himself has sort of changed inside as he has become a practicing Muslim and so with all those issues and the fact that he wants to make sure the show projects him and his comedy in the right light."

So, add to my list of grievences against Islam the demise of the Dave Chappelle show.

Does the Religion of Peace have to destroy everything that I love!!!

Hat tip Bill Dauterieve.

Question to readers: If Chappelle returns to the show as a practicing Muslim, what sort of comedy bits would he run?

The Jawa Report presents: The top ten skits from the new, improved, and now Halal Dave Chappelle Show.

10) Tyrone Biggums (aka, crackhead) "I need crack so I can get stoned....to death!"

9) Samuel L. Jackson: "SAMUEL L. JACKSON BEER WILL GET A NIGGA DRUNK, FAST! (SO DON'T DRINK IT BECAUSE THEN THE JEWS CAN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND KEEP YOU IN THE GHETTO)!"

8) Slow motion distorts reality skit:
Non-slow motion cam: Dave walks into bar. Sees friends across floor. Waves. Walks over. Sits down.

Slow motion reality distorting cam: Dave walks into bar. Sees friends across floor. Waves. Walks over. Blows self and bar up.

7) Negrodomus: "I see the great judgement. First, we will hunt down the Jews and kill them. Then, and only then, will the Hidden Prophet reveal the location of the Chronic fields of Paradise."

6) Dave getting picked for jury duty:
Lawyer: "Is Michael Jackson guilty?"
Dave: "Yes. He's a Jehovah's Witness."
Lawyers: "How about OJ Simpson?"
Dave: "That adultress bitch was just being punished under sharia...."
Lawyer: "Kobe Bryant?"
Dave: "A nigga can have more than one wife..."
Lawyer: "Abu Musab al Zarqawi?"
Dave: "Hell no!"

5) With Wayne Brady:
WB: "Let's kill us some motha-f**kin queers."
Dave: "Ok."

4) President Muslim Bush: "He tried to kill my father, man. I don't play that shit."
Muslim Vice President: "Say word he tried to kill your father, son."
President Muslim Bush: "THAT NIGGA ASS JEW TRIED TO KILL MY FATHA!"

3) Reporter: "Allah?"
Lil John: "YES!"
Reporter: "Jews?"
Lil John: "WHAT?"
Reporter: "Jews?"
Lil John: "WHAT?"
Reporter: "J-O-O-S?"
Lil John: "Hell no"

2) Prince: "Do you and your fellas want to play me and the Revolution in a game of basketball?"
Charlie Murphy (narrating): "I'm tellin y'all, those guys could ball."
Prince: "That's game, bitches."
Charlie Murhphy (narrating): "Afterwards, he served us pancakes."
Prince: "American ignorance and prejudice is forcing young Muslims to become radicalized and join terrorist organizations."

1) "Hey, you virgin bitches come over here and get temporarily married to Charlie Murphy. I'm Ayatollah Khomeini, bitch!"

*Linked to Joyner's daily linkfest since no one else besides Tim and me seems to think this post is as brilliant as I know it is.