February 09, 2005

White Trash Wednesday: Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con Edition

Unknown to many amateur Trashologists, the common scrota albeo (or 'the trash that is white') is divided into many subspecies. The Trailor Parker (double-widus hortus) is only the most visible, but the genus takes in at least 14 distinct varieties.

Today's subject of study is the cellarius matera, or "the one who dwells in mother's basement".

Four distinct features distinguish cellarius matera from other scrota albeo:
a) Rearing time. Unlike other scrota albeo, who are thrown out of the nest some time between their 14th and 17th birthday, cellarius matera needs an additional 20-30 years before it leaves it's close family unit.
b) Social structure: Unlike other scrota albeo, cellarius matera leads a solitary life. Don't go looking for cellarius matera at the annual NASCAR migration.
c) Mating habits: Unlike other scrota albeo, cellarius matera does not mate until its thirty-fifth year and never with its cousin. Mating is such a rare occurence that some have speculated that cellarius matera dies after its first mating but no evidence exists of this phenomenon.
d) Sex ratios: For every 20 male cellarius matera there is only one female. This might explain their strange mating habits.

Recently I was on a stakeout when I was able to snap a shot of this fine specimen. Notice how the cellarius matera camaflouges itself to look like the much more common nerdicus physiologia? But there is no camaflouging this speciman. This one is definitely from Jesus Land!


Hat tip: Professor Chaos. Related. For more Trashology visit the other bloggers celebrating White Trash Wednesday!

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 08:46 AM | Comments |