November 02, 2004

Jawa Live Porn Blogging

BUSH WINS!!!!!!!!!! 12:50 AM and it's over.

Earlier I declared tonight to be Rated R at the Jawa Report. "Not so fast," say the Muses of the blogosphere, "why not go for broke with the Unrated Version of My Pet Jawa?"

"Aha!" says I to the Muse, "Brilliant!!"

Ladies and gentleman, I present you with the blogosphere's first Live Porn Blogging.

I've been sort of live-blogging all day, updating this earlier post where I call the election a 269-269 tie. But something's been bothering me...I just can't put my finger on it....oh yeah, "You said 69, dude!!"

I certainly did.

I just inserted this little doodad image. It is from Yahoo News. If you refresh the page, it will update automatically.

1:31: I'm going to bed, bitches!!!! Goodnight. Dreams of OBL weeping all night long. Oh, those will be wet dreams indeed.

1:20: Fox News has Bush 269. Let's see if I remember my math. Oh, yeah, 269 + 1 = 270. It's over biyatches. Bush wins. Now go home.

1:02: Drudge flashing siren--"Bush Wins"

12:44: Fox calls Ohio Bush!!!!!!!!!! Doornail in coffin. Bush 266.

12:36: Hugh Hewitt reporting 6 pickups for GOP in Senate.

12:28: Park County Colorado 58% Bush 40% Kerry. Turd Sandwich it is.

12:25: Co in the Bush camp. 246-199 Bush.

12:15: What's the appropriate pic on a live porno blog for a Bush win??

12:00: Bush 237, Kerry 188

11:45: ABC Bush 210 Kerry 188

11:43: ABC calls Florida for Bush!!!!!

11:40: Leopold Stotch says ""I haven't seen this much Bush since I was a TA in grad school!"

11:33: Thune up in SD. Oh yeah, I hate Daschle's punk ass!

11:29: Leopold Stotch tells me Chris Mathews looks sad. Awwww, poor Chris.

11:25: Forget the pundits, I call Florida for Bush!!! 94% in, and Bush leading by over 100k votes? Come-on, Kerry's lawyers aren't that good!!

11:10: Drudge flashes Ohio going Bush.

11:05: MSNBC has Bush 203 Kerry 133

10:49: NH back in the Kerry camp. But talk about a squeaker, he's up by like 200 votes.

10:40: In your face John Edwards you pansy ass ferry! Burr winning in NC!!!! No bunnies for you.

10:35: George points out an interesting factoid, 93% of Miami-Dade's precincts are reporting and Bush is still spanking Kerry's ass!!!!

10:25: NH breaking Bush!!!!!!

10:23: Bush 195 Kerry 112!!!!!

9:57: The Llamas are reporting that Traesports has a big Bush bounce all of a sudden....I wonder why?

9:50: Geraghty reporting that it might be time for Ace to whip out the old cowbell for Florida. Me? Not so confident yet. If you look at this map you'll notice a little tiny county marked '21'. If I'm reading this thing right, that's Dade. You know, home of Miami. In addition to being Kerry country, it's also the state's most densely populated area. Numbers look good so far, but knock on some wood quick!!

9:40: Mr. "not a Transvestite" K. drops a link to WBT which is calling the EV 171 Bush 112 Kerry

9:38: (from Commissar) Bush 169, Kerry 112. Some uncertainty about Maine CD2. Still no big swing states called.

9:31: Exit polls suck ass!! Look, I'm in the loop on this one. The peeps called me up looking for some students. I found some. When I called the polling company they said they already had found some students to work the polls in my state, sorry, too late. I was pissed. What students did the exit-polling here? The Social-Work students. Seriously, not only are they freaking retarded, they're also a bunch of nut-jobs with paranoia complexes that Bush is out to get them. I'm not joking.

9:30 (from JQuinton) Fox calls Louisiana for Bush and their count goes up 165-112 in favor of Bush

9:28: FNC has 156-112 for Bush.

9:16: Stop the presses. Here is an interactive map of Florida broken down by county. Now do you see why Bush seems so far ahead? Yup, the D counties haven't reported. Don't count your chickens before their choked......

9:10: Bush 155, Kerry 112. (ia Commissar)

9:08: Via Laura--Electoral Votes: Bush 102 Kerry 77

8:48:With 31% of the precincts in, Bush up in Florida 56% - 43%!! It's a little too much too swallow. I'll be amazed if Bush stays up all night.

8:29: Mr. K drops this in the comments "I am proud to report that my home state of NC has been declared a W for W by NBC" Now tell me that jackass Clintonista Bowles loses and I'll be happy!

Oh, and Flea, there's a real simple solution to your problem: move to America you Canadian disco-loving limey-head before the Liberal-Francophone jackasses string your Yankee-loving ass up!!!

8:21 ET: Early results show Florida going Bush.

What other lame pundit wannabes are live-blogging the night away?

The Llama Butchers: this space reserved for updated yips from Robo and Steve. Unrated for cruelty to animals.

10:11 The Bush reelect hits $63 at 1007 PM EST--that's a $30 swing in about 3 hours. Someone needs to do an audit of Drudge's bank accounts.....What's the line, Ted? "You are a steely-eyed missile man."


Fox affiliate in DC is reporting Marion Barry is cruising to victory. Let's repeal the 24th Amendment!!


My eyeballs feel like they are going to pop out of my head. Never mix porn with blogging!!


NBC concedes the Senate to the Republicans.

The "we can't call Virginia" stuff is crap.

The Commissar: this space reserved for clenched fist salutes from the Commie. Unrated for illicit cyber-sex in his 'chat room' which he opened up tonight. I'll be there if you want to find me. I'm tall, muscular, a little shy.....

9:00 - Bush 155, Kerry 112. Still no surprises; still no calls from swing states.

8:40 - Bush 102, Kerry 77.

Chadster is live-blogging, but since he's sort of the Commissar's bitch and all, I'll put his stuff right under him.

State count: 8:36 ET-

Bush: Kentucky, Indiana, Georgia, West Virginia, Oklahoma, Alabama, Tennessee, North Carolina

Kerry: Vermont, New Jersey, Massachussetts, Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, D.C., Maine, Illinois

JQuinton: this space reserved for game-cock lover J-dawg--if his server problems ever get resolved, that is.

9:00: FNC has 156-112 for Bush.

8:30: MSNBC says Arkansas is too close to call Not that I have anything against MSNBC, but they are full of shit. Jawa call--Arkansas=Bush

Steve Green: this space for the Vodka Pundit. Unrated for gratuitous alcohol consumption. (Damn, his server's down too!!)

Steve apparently caught on to the whole porn-blogging thang: I'm ready to vote - right now - for Barack Obama's wife for any orifice. Er, office.

James Joyner: reserved for Jimmy--and you know what that means in the LBC! Unrated for alleged abuses of interns at the ISA Annual Conference and for gratuitous use of military time.

(2043): MSNBC has gotten bold and called Virginia for Bush. Based on the numbers they're showing, it's a friggin' blowout.

(2050): Susan Estrich, correctly, notes that either the exit polls are way out of whack or Bush loses. That's hard to argue, since the exit polls show Kerry winning Ohio and possibly Florida. For some odd reason, she has acquired a Southern drawl. As someone who has met her, on numerous occasions, I can tell you she's a hack and a shameful blemish on the U she teaches at. Just sayin....

Six Meat Buffet is pseudo-liveblogging the election. What the hell does that mean? Doesn't matter, since he can't figure out what porn-blogging is. Anyway, he does have the word 'meat' in his name.

Ace is live-blogging. If he just puts some hot Kim Richards pics up he'd qualify as porn-blogging too. Well, what the hey--we do share the same server!! As of 9:15 ET, Bush is ahead in Ohio and Florida!! Yeah, that deserves some Kim.

Bill at INDC is beastiality blogging the election.

Hey, Chad is live-blogging too!! So is John Little.

MUSC blogging, and since they linked me I thought I'd link back--even though Clemson sucks this year.

Slithery D raises his satanic head and drops a TB. No, Republicans are not 'our kind of voters'.

Right-Wing Nuthouse is also live-blogging. Lot's more out there. Way too many to keep track of.

Hey, let's just steal links from other bloggers and do the ol roundup shall we?? So many livebloggers, so little time. E-mail or drop a comment if you want me to add your two cents to the fray.

Evangelical Outpost seems like a cool site, Sortapundit who has a bad-ass blog url and is always kind enough to drop a comment or two, Poliblogger shows us his brainpower from Troy State's poli-sci dept, new to me Peaktalk looks interesting, Heretical ideas has some thoughts --even if their logo looks sort of like half of the Ambigiously Gay Duo, La Shawn Barber is liveblogging and has an open thread, Command Post just owns the whole liveblog thingy, Chris Short is also on the scene, and the rest.....

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 07:21 PM | Comments |