September 25, 2004

Doing the War on Terror Differently

Goldstein photoshops what I've been saying for months!! Of course, it's just funnier the way Jeff G. does it. A segment of a post I wrote at my old blog:

The Delta Team option. Yeah, that Chuck Norris can really kick ass. Not the Walker Chuck Norris. The other one.

The A Team defense. Note: Stock up on super-secret knock-out pills for BA OW before executing.

The 007 plan. Going mano-i-mano with with the evil genius, Dr. bin Laden. Lot's of sex, but only the PG-13 kind.

The Goonies tactic. Ignored misfits battle al-Qaida while adults are oblivious.

The Rambo II idea. Sorry. We already used that one in Afghanistan. My bad. These things only work once.

The Red Dawn crusade. Same as the Goonies tactic, only planned by John Hughes and executed by leading teen heart-throbs.

The Jack Ryan effect. No! Not Ben Affleck. You think Affleck could single-handedly defeat terror? That's crazy talk. Harrison Ford. Definitely Harrison Ford.

The Jackie Chan device. As per EEOC rules, a black sidekick will be provided.

The ID-4 program. Al Qaeda joins forces with the UN to fight invading alien menace. No, not the aliens Jimmy Carter saw. You know, the real ones.

The Adam Sandler gimmick. We didn't like this one either, but the focus group thought that he must have some national security value. Why else would his face be on all the buses if not to ward off an attack?