August 06, 2004

Secret Intelligence Intercepted

Via our vast army of paid informants, the following memo was intercepted. Please do not distribute this unecessarily.

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****TOP SECRET****
**FOR YOUR EYES ONLY**

FROM: Oliver Willis, CPRF (NKVD Station Chief, Boca Raton Consulate)
TO: Politburo, CPUSA
CC: Kos, Atrios, Drum, Marshall, Jesse Taylor
BCC: AS (aka, The Mole)

RE: Trotskyite Infiltrator & Other Surveillance Matters

Comrades,
Fraternal socialist greetings!

In response to your Aug. 1 memo on Comrade Commissar's suspiciously decadent activity, a number of NKVD agents were asssigned to monitor his suburban NY safe-house. As a result, our agents have gathered the following information. His Trotskyite and Bukharinite activities are listed in chronological order.

Aug. 2: Comrade Commissar failed to meet contact from 'Operation Mayhem' thus thwarting our best opportunity to intervene in the reelection of Criminal Reactionary Bush. As a result, three years as a sleeper agent in the targetted building have gone to waste.

Aug. 4: Published photos making agent 'Manchurian Candidate' look foolish.

Aug. 4: Publicly confessed that earlier meme on Party approved line that widow of War Criminal Reagan supports sleeper agent was actually challenge to loyal Party member Tex.

Aug. 5: Publicly denounces Secretary General of CPUSA with bourgoise rant.

Aug. 6: Contrary to tenants of objective Scientific Socialism, confesses adherence to tenants of opiate of the masses.

Comrades, other evidence has been found that Comrade Commissar has been subverted by decadent capitalist influences. Our recent secret raid of his personal belongings reveals tendencies towards bourgoise tastes and Trotskyite notions.

However, in light of Comrade Commissar's past loyal service to Party, it is the hope of the NKVD that he can be salvaged. Further, in the expert opinion of NKVD psychological profiler J. Bradford DeLong, Comrade Commissar shows all the underlying tendencies of being susceptible to reeducation.

Action Recommendation: Reeducation camp, two-weeks minimum.

Your Fraternal Socialist Brother,
Olliver Willis

PS-
RE: Surveillance Update Querry

The following reactionaries have been under surveillance, as per CPUSA Pollitburo request for CPRF-NKVD resource exchange:

Gordon-conspiring to enlist the help of arch-reactionary Glenn Reynolds for benefit of unknown capitalist blogger
Matthew Yglesias-former CIA operative (undercover)
Simon-advice contrary to fellow-travellers in feminist movement
Johnny Walker-anti-minitruth activist
Ace-supports capitalism and anti-proletariat tendencies
James Joyner-counter MiniTru memes on operation 'Rodent CPR'
Dean Esmay-attempts to reveal operation 'Manchurian Candidate'
Kevin Aylward-revealing secret plan for US infiltration of NKVD operatives
Dan Drezner-working to make CIA more effective against NKVD operations
Captain Ed-aware of operation 'Secret Plan'
BRD-reveals secret of operation 'Value-Menu'
Pixy Misa-outting operation 'Bronze Star'
Chris Cross-meme contrary to MinTru standards
Spoons-use of bourgoise word 'retarded'
Michelle Catalano-reveals Oliver Willis' (me) true identity!
Dr. Stotch-decadent alcohol abuse
Allah-revealing operative "Manchurian Candidate's" Freudian slip
Senator Pundit-bourgoise potty humor

PSS-From the above leaks it is apparent that a mole has penetrated the innermost circle of the CPUSA Politburo. We recommend an immediate collaboration between CPUSA and CPRF resources to find said mole.

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Note to Commissar: Do you believe me now? Watch your back.

I'll try to hack into your server and take over for awhile at the Politburo Diktat if they get to you first.

By Rusty Shackleford, Ph.D. at 05:44 PM | Comments |